dual*ities

new blog for the ol' me

2006-01-02T14:04:00.000+08:00

.
there are beginnings. there are endings.

and then there are continuities...
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http://ellipticalthoughts.blogspot.com

not an ending, not a beginning

2006-01-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

This time last year—on the first day of 2005—there was something that I did for the first time. I learned how to blog.ü I knew then that is was gonna be a different year for me. After all, I just resigned from a job that I loved to complete my graduate studies, and to enable myself to, later on, chase a dream. Hence, I thought then that it would be the perfect time to keep an online journal (apart from my old-style, actual journal, which I still update once in a while) of the things I would do and learn for the year.

True enough, 2005 turned out to be a very different year from what I had gotten used to. It was, for me, a transition year, or an in-between phase, as I fondly call it. I was traversing the divide that separates me from where and how I wanted to be, endeavoring to bring into completion erstwhile commitments that have been keeping me from taking the big leap. Indeed, my typical days in 2005 were so unlike my over-scheduled days of the previous years, where I was balancing work, studies, and more work, among other things. It was different, yet it was memorable all the same. For it was during that year that I was able to touch base with myself once again, and do things that I barely had time for in the previous years. I was able to be my own boss. To relax. To spend time at home. To drink more than 8 glasses of water a day. To do things at my own pace, my own time. To make mistakes. To choose the projects that I wanted to do. To attend basketball games, even on weekdays.ü To wait. To accept “rackets.” To procrastinate. To be OC. To not be OC. To think about the past. To think about the future. To be fickle. To be patient. To be open to new possibilities. And basically, to just be.

I was constantly waltzing back and forth, yet remained in my place. I was ever-changing, yet the same.

Just like my blog.

In the span of 12 months, my blog went through 55 posts, 2 URL shifts, 4 template make-overs, and 3 title changes. It’s not usual for me to make changes like this so often. My close friends could attest that I’m pretty much a stable and grounded person, who stays with one thing for a long stretch of time. In fact, I’m the type who rarely changes the way she looks or dresses, knowing that it is not the basis of the change that happens within. But in 2005, having two minds and wanting constant movement were realities to me. After all, it wouldn’t be good to stay on the same ground when what you ultimately want is to take the big leap. And this, I guess, was reflected in how this blog evolved in the last 365 days. It was ever-changing, but it embodied (although in a limited way) where and how I was in my so-called in-between year.

It’s now 2006. And I believe I’ve come to the point where I am ready to take actual steps toward higher grounds. I’m ready for another chapter in my life which is bound to be a very different from the previous ones I’ve lived. There are stories that are waiting to happen. And these, I feel, deserve another page…another place in which they could come into themselves.

This post, however, is by no means an ending. It is not exactly a beginning either. It is simply a transition—very much like what 2005 has been for me. It is, both literally and figuratively speaking, an in-between link to what is yet to come.ü

catch up, count down

2005-12-30T23:54:00.000+08:00

Hmm, it’s been way too quiet in here lately. I guess I was so caught up with projects here, there, and everywhere in the past few months that I failed to catch up with all the happenings in blogworld. But I wasn’t gonna let the holiday season pass without dropping in and giving proof of life.ü And what better way to do it than by doing a countdown to 2006? And this isn’t just your usual New Year’s countdown, but one that involves the fulfillment of some unfinished business—that is, three “tags” from ages ago that I haven’t responded to. Hehehe.

Let the countdown begin!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ten…

Nine…

Eight…

SEVEN Songs…

Tag courtesy of: Little Timoune

Original instructions: List seven of your favorite songs of the moment in your journal and force seven other people to repeat this process or a puppy somewhere in the world will be sad.

Modifications: Since the year is almost over (and also because the puppy in question is probably already all content and happy now knowing that a lot of blogheads all over the world did this survey in its honor), I decided to change it up a bit by doing my seven (7) favorite songs for 2005. Here goes [in no particular order]:

Hand in My Pocket (Alanis Morissette) - Re-emerging this year as part of Jagged Little Pill’s 10^th year Anniversary release, this song could very well be the story of my life for the past 3 to 4 months—that is, juggling two (or three, or four) acts at the same time*. [*More about this on my subsequent post/s.*]

For Now (Cast of “Avenue Q”) – This song is from that hit musical which I fondly refer to as “Rent meets The Muppets.” It speaks of the “temporary-ness” of things, which was very much my theme during most of 2005.

All These Things I’ve Done (The Killers) – This one’s an upbeat song with a grave, almost desperate undertone. Before Mr. Brightside ever became a hit, there was this song. And it actually reminds me of the story of The Prodigal Son (yes, the one on the Bible). If ever they make a movie or play (rock/modern-day version) of that parable, this should be its theme song.

Ang Ating Araw (Dicta License) – I like songs that have nationalistic undertones, and which speaks of hope. This is one of those. The band’s style isn’t so bad either—ala-After Image meets Francis M.

Posible (Rivermaya) – Here’s another song that speaks of what Pinoys can do, if only we put our minds and hearts into achieving our goals. It was very much a fitting theme song for the 23^rd SEA games, where our athletes, for the first time in the history of the games, collectively bagged home the gold and made us momentarily (but only momentarily) forget about Garci, Ate Glo, et al.

Too bad, the Pinoy Big Brother Theme (ak.a. Pinoy Ako) by Orange and Lemons got more airtime, even at the games. The song’s not bad. In fact, I like the lyrics. But gosh, can anyone spell o-v-e-r-k-i-l-l?! (Plus, it’s involved in a rip-off controversy, which does not really speak well of Filipino artists.)

Clocks (Coldplay) – The song is so three years ago, but it has always reminded me of time-pressured sports in general, and basketball in particular. Hence, I think it perfectly captures how seriously I took the collegiate basketball games to heart this season. 40 minutes (but 2 hours, really) of heart-stopping hardcourt action (gosh, I sound like a Studio 23 ad for UAAP) —that’s my idea of good, (not-so-)clean weekend fun. Harhar. As the song goes, nothing else compares.:)

Kind and Generous (Natalie Merchant) – I dug this up when I was doing my Acknowledgments for my thesis, and it stuck with me since then. The words of the song would be something that I’d tell all those who, in one way or another, helped me out with my research and made the whole experience bearable and rewarding.:)

Six…

FIVE Career Paths…

Tag courtesy of: Kaladkarin and May8

The Question: “What five things did you want to be when you were a kid?”

My Answers:

Artist - This has been my dream for the longest time. My mom and dad are both artists in their own right, so picking up on what they did best came naturally for me when I was a child. In my elementary years, I’d often be the class representative or the school’s entry to art contests. I became identified with art-related endeavors, that my classmates even tinkered with my surname and called me “Artist-Luis”. Haha. Eventually, I grew tired of the "label". I didn't like being pigeonholed, even then. Hence, in high school, I tried to keep a low profile in the art scene. No more major art contests for me at this point, although I’d still be always in charge of art projects (e.g., bulletin board, set and costume designs) in class and in the clubs I joined. My dreams of becoming an artist then took on different shapes—that of being a cartoonist (since I did make comic strips for the school paper then), a Disney animator, a children’s book illustrator, and so on and so forth. But never did I train formally to become any of those. In College, I illustrated for Heights, but the issues of the said publication were too few and far between to truly help me hone my skills. And those are probably the reasons why, even at this age, my drawing and painting abilities never progressed beyond grade school level. Tsk, tsk.

Writer/Poet – During my latter years in grade school, my teachers started sending me to literary contests and workshops. This surprised me in the beginning, since I was used to joining art—not writing—contests. I enjoyed writing short stories and poems both for class and as a hobby, but I never thought I could do it competitively. Then I became part of the now-defunct children’s group called Talented and Gifted Philippines where, in one of the sessions with a young poet, I got convinced that one could actually make a career out of being a literary artist. But in high school, as I belonged to a class full of talented budding writers, I realized that I was kindergarten level compared to those who really took writing seriously. Reality took over, and this dream had to take a backseat as well.

Performer/Singer/Actress – Oh yes, you better believe it! I had this “ambition” when I was, perhaps, about 4-6 years old. And I “blame” my relatives for it. Hehehe. They made me model clothes for C.O.D. [at age 3], got me to be the muse of the ADMU basketball team [at age 2-3], join Santa Cruzan parades, sing Lea Salonga's songs during Christmas parties, and dance to disco tunes during family get-togethers. Good thing that I woke up early on to the truth that I was better off doing my stuff at the background…errr, designing sets and costumes for people who did not have stage fright.:)

Advertising Executive – When I was about 2 or 3 years old, my mom—who was then an Art Director at Basic Advertising—would actually bring me to her office. There I was, one chubby little kid amidst all those creative busybodies who were working on selling ideas to the public. Of course, it was only later on that I understood what they were doing, and their dynamism amazed me no end. I soon realized that I, too, wanted to be in the business so I could also come up with those brilliant tv and print ads. (And no, it wasn’t even about the money.) In College, I even minored in Marketing and took up mostly Advertising-related subjects as my electives, in the hopes that these units would help me pursue a career in the said field.

*Whatchamacalit* - I did not know what to call it then. But I knew I wanted to do something for the benefit of “our less fortunate brothers and sisters”(as our teachers would call them). As early as our grade school years, my schoolmates and I have been exposed to urban poor communities in Tondo and Malate. Later on, when I joined the High School Outreach Club, I got a chance to interact with the street kids of Pasay and with the IPs (“katutubos”) of Pampanga and Zambales as well. Since then, the sense of wanting to make a difference in the lives of these people never left me. But the big question was: “How?” I never dreamed of becoming a teacher. And I did not want to become a nun (although later on, I realized that I wanted to become a Jesuit ü). So how, indeed?

It was only later on, after College—in fact, during my JVP years—that I realized that what I wanted to be become was a development worker. I didn’t have a name for it when I was younger, but I guess my “nose” for it helped me follow this track, even though it was not a very popular career option among my peers. Well, at least it sounds better than having a job called "whatchamacalit."ü

Four…

Three…

Two…

ONE Sentence…

Tag courtesy of: Anj and May8

Here are the rules to the tag:
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

My 23^rd post was entitled Ch-changes, which was all about the 100^th episode of the original Crime Scene Investigation (CSI) series. The 5^th sentence of the entry reads:

“This time, the victim was a Las Vegas showgirl
who goes by the name Wendy Clancy.”

No subtexts and hidden meanings there. I was just plainly narrating the story. But if one moves on to the succeeding sentences, one would learn that the “Wendy” mentioned in this text is really a “Walter”. And that’s where the subtexts and nuances emerge.

So what does this topic say about me?

I believe that the truth lies beneath the surface.
I am sympathetic to the LGBT community. I admire and respect these individuals for having the courage to be themselves. Diversity rules!

Truth. Courage. Respect for each other. Come to think of it, these are things that I hope and pray for as well for the country and its people for 2005.ü

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And with that, let the fireworks begin!ü

between earth and sky

2005-11-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

It’s been a while since I’ve gone nature tripping. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I’ve had a real, honest-to-goodness vacation. In fact, the Sagada-Banaue adventure that I had with my friends this past week was, for all intents and purposes, my first (and probably last) vacation this year. It was wonderful to just while away the time, with the earth on my feet, the sky on my head, the wind and rain on my face, and good friends by my side. Despite the long hours of travel, the odd-hour lunches, and the endless hikes, it was actually a very relaxing holiday. It was like we were in a time warp, with no sense of time, and free from the daily grind of city life. It’s the kind of trip that I’d call physically challenging, but restful for the soul.

Anyway, lest I launch into another kilometric narrative (which I tend to do a lot lately), I’d just let our photos from the trip do (most of) the talking:

Day 1 (October 30) : Echo Valley

Tres Marias: Moi, Maits and Za

Bro.G (in imitation of a kid tourist):
"This place is creepy...pee...peee!!!"

Day 2 (October 31) : Sumaging and Lumiang Caves

Sumaging Cave

High and Dry (literally speaking): Before everything started

And the descent begins....

Rappelling down the deeper recesses of the cave

Entering "The Hole"

Wet and Wild: "De-frosting" ourselves after taking a
chilly dip in the cave's natural pool

Lumiang Cave

Who said we didn't visit the dead for 'Undas'?ü

The Famous Hanging Coffins

Back at the 'Centro'

Halloween Celebration, Sagada-style!

Trick or Treat, anyone?ü

Day 3 (November 1) : Bomod-ok a.k.a. Big Falls

Maits and her ever-dependable Escort ü

Our version of Michelangelo's God and Adam (haha!)

Chillin' out

Day 4 (November 2): Banaue, Batad and Bangaan Village (UNESCO World Heritage sites)

Banaue Rice Terraces

At the viewpoint

Magnificent view!

Magnificent smiles ü

Batad Rice Terraces

The beginning of our 2-hour hike to the stone-walled
terraces of Batad

Presenting...the 8th Wonder of the World!

Makes us want to sing "The hills are alive....!!!" ala-Julie Andrews ü

Makes us proud to be Pinoy ü

It truly was a breathtaking experience! (in more ways
than one...harhar)

Bangaan Village

The Bangaan Terraces at twilight

*More photos this way! *

I've been back in Manila for three days now. Yet I still dream of mountain ranges, crystal clear springs, cool weather, and an unhurried pace of life.

Will someone please wake me up?

then and now

2005-10-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

What do you know? After 68 million years, our college batch finally has a yearbook!!! Just when everyone has almost given up all hope of ever having an Aegis ‘97, our batch was saved from eternal oblivion with the announcement of the completion of our very own yearbook. Never mind that the “look” of the said yearbook is a lot less fancy than what was originally envisioned (translation: plain and ordinary). Never mind that the faces on the photos don’t look like us anymore. Never mind that the baby pics and barkada poses that we submitted are nowhere to be seen in any of the pages (and will never actually be returned to us) because some guy lost all of them! Never mind those. At least, we now have something that we will be remembered by as a batch.

Come to think of it, the on-going concern about the yearbook—or rather, the lack thereof—was the only thing that our entire batch really “bonded” over. I mean, even our Blue Roast (the supposed equivalent of a graduation ball in our university) was, for lack of a better word, a flop. Even people from other batches noticed that a lot of Batch ’97 graduates do not even know each other. But the long wait for Aegis ‘97 somehow gave us a common cause—something to complain about together and look forward to together.:) I’m just glad that all that waiting was not in vain.

Anyway, upon claiming my copy this morning, I couldn’t help but take a trip down memory lane as I browsed through the pages of our much-awaited annual. I excitedly pored over its glossy pages to hunt for pics of old classmates, orgmates, and friends, as well as those of batchmates who I never actually met before I joined JVP (but who I now consider to be my good friends). I alternately laughed and marveled at the accuracy of some of the write-ups. I was also constantly surprised to learn some tidbits about some of my batchmates who I only became friends with after college. But generally, based on the write-ups vis-à-vis what I know of my batchmates at present, it seems that (almost) everyone has, in one way or another, become an improved version of his/her younger self.:)

When I came across my own write-up, I almost didn’t want to read it.:) And when I did, I was sort of cringing all the while, because: (1) some of it doesn’t sound like me (the way I know myself now); and (2) a lot of it does sound like me. Harhar. In other words, it made me acknowledge that, indeed, a lot has changed (especially in terms of the exteriors), but at the same time, the core of me is still very much intact. And it is that very same core that has enabled me to grow into the person that I am today.

As Rosing used to tell the volunteers:

“We do not really change.
We only become more of who we ought to be.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It’s funny, but all this yearbook business has made me realize that I am now actually in the same boat as my circa ’97 self (when I just graduated from college). Like the fresh-grad POL, I just finished an important chapter in my life—one of academic import at that. Also, like in those days, I am presently a bum. Harhar. But at the same time, I’m chasing a dream, waiting in the wings for a chance to fulfill a promise to myself. Life has never seemed so full of possibilities.

In fact, these past four weeks have been some of the least stressful ones in my adult life. Not that I had a lot of down time. There was always something to do or somewhere to go to. But the big difference was that I had complete control of my time, and I can choose to do whatever I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. In short, there was little time pressure. Even the revisions I had to do with my thesis, and the processing of my final revised manuscript, proceeded in my own pace, my own time.

Like many things in life, such arrangement has its advantages and disadvantages:

Main advantage: I can do all the nothing I want--the kind of nothing that actually amounts to something valuable. In the past three weeks, I’ve been able to catch up with friends from almost all areas of my life. Three weeks ago, it was JVP gimmick week. Two weeks ago, I got to spend quality time with my friends, ex-officemates and former “kids” from Pathways. Last Friday, I watched a lovely play where some of my buddies from my home orgs—ACIL, JVP and Pathways—were present. (And some of them didn’t even know each other before that day.) Then, just last weekend, it was road-trip and food-trip galore in Quezon with my high school classmates!

Main disadvantage: Dwindling funds! Although I’m still (thankfully) not in the red, I realize that my savings can only take me so far, especially at the rate that I’ve been spending my money on "rest and recreation" activities these days. And with the effects of E-VAT soon to be kicking in, income-earning part-time work is something that I’d very much welcome these days.

Come to think of it, this is something that my 21-year-old self did not have to worry about.

Hmm, some things do change after all.:)

little boys, big boys

2005-10-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a day that revolved around boys, boys, and more boys. Hmmm, never thought I'd actually say that. Hehe. But yeah, that would be the best way to describe the first day of the month of October 2005. And it was a truly memorable one indeed.

The Blue Angels meet the Blue Eagles

The fun started with the morning's festivities at the Ateneo Grade School Fair which traditionally coincides with the school's celeration of the Feast Day of the Guardian Angels. I got invited to attend the salu-salo of Grade 1-Guijo (Maita's class), and boy, was I glad that I went. I do make it a point to visit the fair every year, but I never actually attended any of the classroom parties before. I didn't realize that those things could be so much fun, not only for the kids but for the parents, the guests and, may I say, the class adviser as well. The work that the teachers and parents put into the event was simply amazing! And the themes that each classroom had to adopt just added spice to it all. Maita's class, in particular, adopted the theme "UAAP" (basketball, in particular). As such, everything about 1-Guijo's celebration--from the kids' & parents' uniforms to the room decors to the party games--revolved around that theme. Every detail was painstakingly attended to. And all these just for a class party. I was impressed.ü

There were two highlights in that celebration, in my opinion. The first is the "Just Got Lucky" surprise dance number that the kids presented to their parents (yes, complete with dance movements straight from the Bagets era). The entire routine was, of course, led by their versatile class adviser who made it all the more interesting to watch.ü But really, the sight of dancing little kids was just sooo adorable! Evidently, their parents thought so too.ü

Maita's angels dancing to a song from their parents' era.ü

The second highlight was the parents' surprise to the kids. Just when they thought the party was ending, some of the Ateneo Senior team's basketball players came for a visit! These cagers are practically heroes in the eyes of the boys, so you can just imagine how excited they were when the players came. First to arrive was JC who stayed for a photo and autograph session with the kids. Then he had to leave to visit his brother's classroom, but not before promising to come back to show the boys how to dribble a ball.ü Then came LA, who could only spare a few minutes because he had to go to his brother's classroom as well. But he did stay long enough for a few autographs and a short photo session. Then JC came back for the promised "dribble" session. However because of lack of floor space, the kids and parents requested for more photo ops with him instead. He willingly obliged.

Throughout all these, Maita's bebe boys SWARMED around the players. Some chanted. Some had their t-shirts signed. And some pesky boys from other grade levels even "crashed" 1-Gujio's party to join in the fun and have their rubber shoes signed! And of course, the excited, doting parents (and equally excited guests such as myself) surrounded the little boys and clicked away with their cameras. It was an amusing sight. But a heartwarming one as well.ü

Here are some snapshots from that event: (Click photo to enlarge)

Kuya JC and the Guijo angels.

Kuya LA trapped by the Guijo boys.

Kuya JC and Teacher Maita with the kids.

Needless to say, the arrival of some of the Blue Eagles raised the celebration level several notches higher. It was a big, big treat to both the kids and adults alike. It was a pity though that the other players couldn't come. Some had valid reasons, such as having to go to class or take an exam. But we were told that some weren't able to make it simply because they had a late night and, hence, had a hard time getting up from bed on a Saturday morning. Hehehe. Which reminded me that big as they are, these players are really just little boys too.ü They may be hardcourt stars who are idolized and even hero-worshipped by many, but at the end of the day, they are no different from Maita's bebe boys--not just because they all say "opo" all the time (harhar), but because they too need all the encouragement and guidance they can get. Hmm...I actually could name a couple of people who'd be more than willing to personally give them all the encouragement and guidance that they need. Hehe. But that's another story altogether.ü

Note: For more photos from this event, click here.

Big Boys with Big(ger) Voices

All things to all men, they say they are. And these past two nights, the Jesuits proved that that line is more than just a catchphrase that they use for recruitment purposes.ü They showed that aside from being priests/brothers, experts in their respective fields, and all-around geniuses, they too are talented singers and musicians, effective marketing people, and efficient waiters. Hmm... so okay, maybe I exaggerated a bit regarding the "efficient waiters" part. Harhar.

It was the 40th Anniversary of the Loyola House of Studies (LHS) and, instead of the traditional celebration, the Jesuits from the said house decided to hold a musical event that would feature homegrown SJ talents as performers. They set up the LHS lobby like a resto bar, with a small stage in front, several round tables and chairs, several couches, and several banigs (native mats) with throw pillows in front of the stage. Then, they aptly called the event "Cafe Loyola". And of course, like in most resto bars where bands hold their gigs, guests of Cafe Loyola had to pay a cover charge of P40.00 (consumable) upon entering the place. But for every extra order of any item-- a bottle of beer, a glass of wine, an order of turon, or a plate of chicharon-- one has to pay P40.00. Forty pesos, of course, stands for the number of years the LHS has been in existence. Clever, isn't it?

Turns out that the P40.00 ++ per person fee was very much worth it. After all, it's not everyday that you hear older Jesuits performing broadway or Sinatra songs, young novices singing to the hits of Evanescence or Hale, Jesuit scholars playing electric guitars, or the Father Provincial singing My Funny Valentine. And it's not everyday that one gets to place orders to Jesuit scholastics and see them struggle with balancing trays of food and drinks, thus giving a different meaning to the word "service". So yes, it was a very interesting night indeed!

Our beloved Gil with his Himig Heswita bros.

JVPs at Cafe Loyola: Instant get-together!

The night was made even more worthwhile by the fact that JVPs--without actually planning to--came to the concert and found themselves huddled together right in front of the stage, sitting on banigs. Very JVP indeed! There must have been about 20 of us--including Fr. Kreutz!--who were present in the show. We could've held a GA or a JVP Mass right then and there.ü And in true JVP fashion, we were a bit rowdy too. Case in point: When everybody was shouting "More! More!" to the Father Provincial for an encore, the JVPs were saying "More [loud] funding [softer volume]! More funding!" Tama ba naman 'yon? Hehehe. But in fairness to us, we did behave properly when it mattered.ü

My only source of disappointment that evening was the fact that Kid (another brother) did not get to perform his Miss Saigon routine for us.:( Apparently, he did it the night before, and couldn't anymore because they had to stick to a different line-up that night. Too bad. He would've brought the house down with his "winning performance," as always. Other than that (and the fact that there were instrumental breaks that went on for too long), I have no complaints. It was a superb night of music! All the performers (well, almost all) were amazingly gifted with musical and vocal abilities. It made us wonder whether having a "good singing voice" is part of the criteria for accepting one into the order. Come to think of it, I really wouldn't be surprised if it is.ü

Note: For more pictures from this event, click here.

'thanks' and 'yes'

2005-09-28T12:33:00.000+08:00

"For all that has been—Thanks! For all that shall be—Yes." This quote by Dag Hammarskjöld best summarizes Fr. Ben Nebres’ message to the ADMU community during the send-off mass in honor of the 3 basketball teams held last Saturday evening. 'Thanks’ for a wonderful UAAP season, with all its ups and downs, struggles and victories, he said. And ‘yes’ to whatever we might face from now on.

That, of course, happened a night before the teams’ appearance in the UAAP Final Four matches. By now, it’s no secret what the results of Sunday’s games were: The Lady Eagles made it to the finals (hurray!), the Blue Eaglets will face UPIS once more for another crack at a finals berth, and the Blue Eagles finally bowed out of Season 68 with another heartbreaking loss to DLSU.

Of all those games, it was the loss of the Seniors’ team to their archrivals that affected the Ateneo community the most. Every other Atenean that I know was devastated by it, to say the least. In fact, after the ADMU-DLSU game, my friends and I had to have an extended “venting session” at Pizza Hut Bistro-Gateway and Starbucks-Katipunan to find some sort of "closure".ü We also went to visit the Church of Gesu to seek solace. Hehehe. I guess nobody from our circle really expected our team's title bid to end so abruptly. Sure, I initially didn’t expect the Seniors’ team to make it as far as the Final Four this year. After all, the team is, by and large, still composed of relatively untried players (who barely got playing time last year) under a new coach (even though that coach is the legendary Norman Black). But then, the team’s tremendous improvement midway into the season—which enabled them to sustain a 7-game winning streak—suddenly woke me up to the fact that the Season 68 Championship was within the team’s reach. And in truth, against most of the other schools, the Eagles played splendidly and effectively, especially in terms of defense. But the fact remains that against their archrival La Salle, our boys were simply INTIMIDATED. To put it simply, DLSU has a more cohesive and better conditioned team. I don’t care for their players’ half-court/off-court antics, but one has to admit that they really had the Eagles’ number this year.

But then again, regardless of the Blue Eagles' frustrated bid for the title of UAAP champs, Fr. Ben’s message still holds. There are, after all, many things to be thankful for this season. The team’s collective effort has become more visible this year, resulting to many won games. Players who used to squander the ball a lot have now become go-to-guys in their own right. Even the second stringers have stepped up and contributed quality minutes coming off the bench. And of course, no one can forget the heart and intensity shown by veterans LA Tenorio and Magnum Membrere, who gave their all even when the odds were up against them (especially in the last game against DLSU). For all these, 'Thank you, Blue Eagles!' And true, this may be the end of the UAAP season, but there will be many other future endeavors in which to learn and grow. It is, in many ways, the beginning of better things to come. And to that, we say, 'Yes, we are ready!'

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Days after the send-off mass for the basketball teams, I realized that Fr. Ben’s message applies to my own affairs as well. Just last Friday, I finally defended my thesis before a brilliant and very gracious panel of experts in the field of social psychology and social development. Thankfully, the result of my defense was way better than that of the ADMU Seniors’ team. Harhar. So yes, after the long, seemingly endless race that was my thesis (and my masteral studies for that matter), I can now safely say that I've finally crossed the finish line.ü And for that, I am truly, truly grateful—not only to my adviser and panelists, but to all those who offered their assistance, support and encouragement throughout the past 7 months. Of course, just like any thankful person, I celebrated the occasion by making the most of the weekend that has just passed. Saturday night, after the mass at Gesu, I had dinner with my ex-officemate Alex at Gayuma. Then, we joined some of our Pathways friends at Zak’s House, spent some time at Saguijo Bar in Makati, then went back to Zak’s house for a few drinks and loads and loads of laughter until the wee hours. The next day, Sunday, my basketball buddies and I met up earlier than usual to prepare to go to Araneta, grab a quick lunch, and cheer our hearts out during the games (both the Juniors' and the Seniors'). And although our team lost, we did manage to cheer each other up. For this gift of companionship, I truly am thankful as well. 'For all that has been—Thanks!'

Now, my post-thesis defense celebration period (as well as the “mourning” period for ADMU’s loss ü) has come to an end. Another chapter in my life is about to (hopefully) begin. As of yet, I’m not quite sure how it will unfold. But as always, I sure am ready to be taken for one exciting ride. 'For all that shall be—Yes.'

win or lose

2005-09-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

I just realized that I spent a total of about 20 hours watching live basketball games these past four weeks. (The computation includes the amount of time spent traveling to and fro the venue of the games and waiting for the games to start, but doesn’t take into account the time spent for ticket-hunting.) Yup, my basketball buddies and I stuck to our pact of attending every single ADMU game in the 2^nd round of UAAP Season 68. If the increasing number of UAAP tickets that I’ve collected these past few weeks isn't proof enough, then the pictures below (which I just saw a few days ago in www.fabilioh.com) would give one a glimpse of how much I (along with my basketball-loving friends) have become a true-blue UAAP groupie. Harhar.

ADMU vs. UP (08-25-05): That's Maits and me,
just above L.A.'s, uh, bum. Harhar.
Source: Aly Yap of Fabilioh.com

ADMU vs. UST (09-03-05): Off-court action. Who do you think
was the most excited about the game?:) [3rd row, L-R] Reg,
Carmen, Bing; [2nd row, L-R] Maita, moi; [bottom-most row] Trina.
Source: Miguel de Leon of Fabilioh.com

So yes, we were present in every game of Round 2 (except for the ADMU-ADU match, which fell on the same day as the JVP Board Meeting), thus witnessing the Blue Eagles' every victory and defeat. The wins, of course, were such energy boosters! The losses, on the other hand, were really frustrating. The result of the game last Thursday against DLSU was especially heartbreaking. The Blue Eagles played scared, while the Archers played like the defending champions that they are. It was, more than anything, a mind game— one that Franz Pumaren’s boys seem to have really gotten good at. It was such an emotionally-charged ballgame such that even we— the supporters—were pretty exhausted when it ended. It’s as if we were the ones playing on court! With that loss, coupled with UE’s loss to DLSU earlier today, the Blue Eagles are now faced with a twice-to-win disadvantage— either against the formidable FEU squad or the tougher-by- the-minute DLSU quintet— in their quest for this year's UAAP Championship. But then, as we always say, win or lose, we will stand by the ADMU team all the way! I really just hope that they have learned from their past mistakes and will genuinely play their hearts out during the play offs, the Final Four matches, and hopefully, the Championship. One big fight!

Anyway, in the midst of waiting for those crucial games, my friends and I found something to truly cheer and be proud about yesterday, as we watched our friend George wow ‘em all with his outstanding performance in Trumpets’ rendition of the Hans Christian Andersen classic, The Little Mermaid. For a while there, we thought he was only gonna appear as The Seahorse (not that there's anything wrong with that ü). But he did turn out to be The Prince after all.ü And he really did play his role to a T! Such a natural performer, our friend is. The Christian theme of the play makes it all the more perfect for him to be part of the ensemble. George is, without question, a winner through and through with this latest endeavor of his.

Backstage with the stars of the show! [Back row, L-R] Tintin, John,
George (a.k.a. Prince Christian), moi, Maita; [Front row, L-R] Bing,
Ashley (a.k.a. Jewel/The Little Mermaid), and Carmen.

Putting the "G factor" (the George factor, that is) aside, the whole production was enjoyable to watch. The colorful costumes, the set, et al, were creatively done (although I learned from my friends that everything has been considerably pared down as compared to the play’s initial run in 1996). The entire thing, in my humble opinion, was much-better executed than Atlantis’ Beauty and the Beast (well, maybe except for the Marketing aspect of the show). This production may not have big name performers as part of its ensemble (as in the case of AAI's Once On This Island), but its cast members, in a very real sense, are stars in their own right. So yeah, a huge round of applause goes to George and co. for a job well done!

all and nothing

2005-09-15T01:20:00.000+08:00

Last week, I finished all my official commitments with my home organizations (i.e. finished and turned over the JVP documents to SecJen ü, submitted my artwork to Pathways). Hence, when this week started, I thought I’d have a lot of time on my hands. But as it turned out, I’ve had my hands full these past few days—full with everything but nothing in particular. I ran errands, hunted for tickets (both for the much-hyped ADMU-DLSU game and my friend George’s play, The Little Mermaid), showed up in some functions here and there, and attended to the concerns of several friends-in-need. Before I realized it, it’s the middle of the week…and I haven’t even had the chance to get back to the book that I have been itching to finish since about 2 weeks ago!

Anyway, in keeping with my “everything and nothing” theme this week, I didn’t really feel like blogging about anything in particular from my experiences these past days. Hence, I thought it’d be a good idea to finally respond to the various surveys that I’ve been tagged to answer weeks—or maybe even months—ago.

Thanks to May8 for the first one, to Solar Eclipse for the second one, and Allkaput for the third one. Sorry for the delayed response, gals. As they say, better late than later.:)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SEVEN

Seven things that scare me:
Losing my independence. The possibility of going blind. The possibility of a nuclear holocaust. Being misunderstood. Being complacent. Being irrelevant. Not meeting expectations.

Seven things I like the most:
Reading. Planning. Hanging out with the framily. Watching movies. Walking. Traveling alone. Watching UAAP basketball games.

Seven random facts about me:
I used to obsess about political correctness (I still do sometimes). I came back from my first JVP year with stage 1 anemia. I appeared on national tv at least 2x in the last 3 weeks (i.e., ADMU-UP game, Mass for Truth at Gesu). I am not fond of shopping (unless it is shopping for books). My favorite Tagalog word is taglagas. My favorite subjects in college were Theology and Philosophy. I end up with a really clean plate after eating.

Seven important things in my bedroom:
My laptop (which now has DSL connection. Yipee!). My CDs. My books. My photo albums. The map of RP (in which the places I’ve traveled to have been marked) on the wall beside my door. My TV set. My arts and crafts materials under my bed.

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
Volunteer in Africa or Latin America. Go bungee jumping. Back pack through Europe on my own. Meet the Indigo Girls. Write and/or illustrate children’s books. Be a good daughter. Work for grassroots communities in Bicol or Mindanao.

Seven things I can do:
Draw/sketch/paint. Edit and lay-out publications. Conceptualize and implement training programs. Do image manipulation with Photoshop. Do content and process documentation/analysis. Conceptualize and implement surprise parties and similar events (especially involving mazes). Not sleep for days on end.

Seven things I can’t do:
Cook. Stay put at home. Wear a skirt (unless super duper necessary). Watch/sit-through movies with a predictable plot/ending. Leave the house without my wristwatch. Bluff when playing ‘Bluff’ (the card game). Ride the bike.

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex: (Hmm, this is hard…)
Sense of humor. Height. Hair. Introspective quality. Elusiveness. Artistic talents. Musical talents.

Seven things I say the most:
Ano buzz?! Shucks. Gosh. Hep! Oh my god. Hay naku. Kinda.

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign): (Okay, this is hard because I don’t think I have seven…but I’ll try.) Katherine Moennig. Jerry Codiñera. Angelina Jolie. Johnny Depp. Kate Moennig. Mig Ayesa (of Rockstar INXS). And oh, did I mention Kate Moennig?:)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

THREE

Three names you go by:
1) Pia
2) Pol
3) P

Three screen names you have had:
1) pol
2) offthemap
3) bulan1819

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1) Eyes
2) Hands
3) Shoulders

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1) My facial skin is part oily and part dry. Why can’t it be at least part normal? Hehe.
2) Like solar eclipse, I’m balbon.
3) I’ve always been on the heavy side. (Although I don’t actually dislike this about myself anymore. I’ve come to embrace it as part as who I am.)

Three parts of your heritage:
1) I am Pinoy through and through, and proud to be one!
2) My grandfathers from both sides of the family came from Nueva Ecija.
2) Artistic genes run in both sides of the family. (My mom and dad actually met when they were both Fine Arts students in UST.)

Three things that scare you:
1) the possibility of nuclear holocaust
2) the possibility of going blind
3) being reincarnated as a pig or something

Three of your everyday essentials:
1) my wristwatch
2) my laptop
3) my coin purse

Three of your favorite musical artists:
1) Indigo Girls
2) Lighthouse Family
3) Coldplay (although methinks they’re becoming a little too commercial these days)

Three of your favorite songs:
1) Hammer and Nail (by Indigo Girls)
2) One Hundred Years (by Five for Fighting)
3) Trees (my newest fave; an original song by Marty Casey of Rockstar INXS)

Three things you want in a relationship:
1) humor / laughter
2) communication
3) companionship

Three lies and truths in no particular order:
1) I have 20/20 vision.
2) I’m a tattooed gal.
3) I like dressing up for formal occasions.
4) I’m an only child.
5) I looove the color pink.
6) I’m an internet junkie.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
1) hair
2) sense of humor
3) elusiveness/mysterious quality

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1) reading
2) watching basketball games (whether live or on tv)
3) dvd/vcd marathons

Three things you want to do really badly now:
1) get my thesis oral defense over and done with
2) watch the ADMU-DLSU game (which actually won’t happen for another 15 hours or so)
3) exactly what I am doing right now

Three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1) development work
2) training and formation (especially of youth groups)
3) illustrating children’s books

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1) Scandinavia
2) Greece
3) Istanbul

Three kid's names you like:
Hmm…I’ll have to think about this one first. I’ll pass for now.

Three things you want to do before you die:
1) Volunteer/work in Africa.
2) Go bungee jumping
3) Make a positive contribution to society.

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1) I don’t like sappy movies (and senti songs for that matter). I cringe when predictable, cheesy lines are delivered by the characters, and am usually disappointed by formula endings. I actually like action/conspiracy theory films and “end of the world” flicks better.
2) I rarely cry or get over-emotional.
3) I carry my wallet (only a coin purse actually) on my back pocket.

This list actually could go on and on.:) In fact, every single time I take the Gender Test, the test always proclaims that I am absolutely male. Hehehe.

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1) I have longish hair (although that might soon change).
2) I’m neat and organized (or at least people say I am).
3) I have what my friend Chiqui calls good birthing hips. (And by the way he says it, I don’t think it’s a compliment. Harhar.)

Three celeb crushes:
1) Katherine Moennig
2) Jerry Codiñera
3) Angelina Jolie

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

ZILCH* (a.k.a. All About Cooking)
*because this is a subject that I know next to nothing about

What is your first memory of baking/cooking on your own?

When I was about 8 years old, I remember making my own homemade polvoron, which I learned to concoct from my cousin’s nanny. Later on, in my early teens, I progressed to making those no-bake brownies, hotcakes, and cheesecakes. And then, I never went beyond that. Harhar. The thing is, in our house (back in Manila, and now in QC), I am surrounded by great cooks. My grandmother just love to cook! And for the most part of my childhood, we had two cooks who alternated with preparing dishes for the family. So between all of these people, there really was no space for me in the kitchen.:(

Who had the most influence on your cooking?

My paternal grandmother and her daughters (all of whom are U.S.-based) are all culinary experts in their own right. My mom is not as prolific as they are in the kitchen, but she has her own simple specialties that I picked up on over the years. So I guess it could be said that I got my inclination to cook (or the lack of it) from my mom.

Do you have an old photo as “evidence of an early exposure to the culinary world and would you like to share it?

Hmm, none that I know of.

Mageiricophobia - do you suffer from any cooking phobia, a dish that makes your palms sweat?

Not really. I don’t engage in any “intense cooking action” anyway, so I really wouldn’t have anything to fear. (If you hadn’t already caught on, that’s how disengaged I am about cooking. Hehe.)

What would be your most valued or used kitchen gadgets?

The microwave, definitely! Mwahaha. Aside from that, I’ve had a fascination with cheese graters ever since I was a child. I love cheese! And thus, I love cheese graters.:)

Name some funny or weird food combinations/dishes you really like and probably no one else.

I actually can eat anything (except that I don’t eat pork now), no matter how weird they taste. Stuff that I thought to be “normal”/”regular” but that other people think of as weird? Here they are:

I like eating okra, ampalaya, atay at balunbalunan (chicken liver and gizzard), bagoong on ripe mango or banana, and suman with ripe mango.
When I was a kid, I used to put sugar and condensed milk (or carabao’s milk, whenever I’d vacation in the province,) on my rice.
I also liked mixing Milo with powdered milk and putting just enough water to mold it into a sticky, dough-like treat. I also liked eating (as in, “making papak”) Cerelac.
And last but not the least, ice cream sandwich anyone?

What are the three eatables or dishes you simply don’t want to live without?

Banana
Shrimps
Mentos (Harhar!)

3 quickies:

Favorite ice cream: Cookies and cream
You will probably never eat: I agree with Allkaput. Never say never! Especially not if I want to compete in Fear Factor someday. (As if!)
Signature dish: Taco salad

So yes, cooking is not a subject I’m knowledgeable about. But eating? Now that’s a different story.:)

when the old became new

2005-09-05T23:32:00.000+08:00

Finding gold in garbage sounds like an impossible--and perhaps a bit crazy--thing to wish for. But that virtually was what the JVP Manila Local Community (MLC) Steering Committee accomplished yesterday with the success of their fund raising project--a Rummage Sale at the Riverbanks Multi-purpose Hall yesterday, the 4th of September.

It was a loooong, tiring day. Loading and unloading and reloading boxes and boxes of used clothing, shoes & bags, books, CDs, household stuff and what-have-you's. Standing for hours on end, on an almost empty stomach, while trying to convince people to buy second-hand items. Answering repeated questions from customers (Customer: "Para saan po ba ito?" JVP: "Ah, ginagamit po yan sa panligo...parang sabon. Pambabango ho at pampakinis ng balat."). Arranging and re-arranging books, clothes and other items that were constantly being messed up by curious customers. It took 12 hours of all these for the JVPs who were present in the event to raise funds for the org.

Not only did we all feel like expert tiangge vendors by the end of the day. We also felt like we've gone back to our respective JVP years somehow, not minding the physical labor, the dirt and the dust, or being assigned to do seemingly menial tasks, just to contibute to reaching that common goal of furthering the Foundation's cause. (And well, we did smell an awful lot like we did back when we were volunteers, when we would spent hours under the sun, or just generally sweat it out as we mingled with people from all walks of life. Hehe.).

Moreover, being a tindera for the day afforded us insight into the common tao's priorities and buying habits. Well, the abubots and butingtings (trinkets) were the best sellers (yes, more so than the clothes!), suggesting how much Pinoys love little decorative stuff that make our surroundings more pleasant to live or work in. Also, on the booth that I was assigned to man, the CDs were sold waaayy before the books. Of course, that doesn't really come as a surprise, given the Filipinos' penchant for movies and music. But still, it saddened me to be reminded of the fact that the average Pinoy isn't really much of a reader. At first, I was thinking, people are really just too lazy to read. But later on, it struck me that maybe, some people would like to read but are intimidated by the idea of reading novels et al., especially if they are written in English. Also, methinks that the average person (in Marikina at least) thinks of books in terms of their practical use, rather than their recreational value.

How did I arrive at these conclusions? First, I observed that most shoppers would hover and browse through the books, but would then go away upon observing that there aren't any Tagalog titles. "Walang Tagalog?," they'd ask. Second, textbooks and other reference books (i.e. cook books, "how to" manuals) were more popular purchases than works of fiction. But the thing that struck me the most was how every so often, somebody would ask if we were selling dictionaries. That was like the most constant thing on my corner of the rummage sale throughout the entire day. I mean, Reg sat on my booth for less than an hour, and already, 5-6 people asked her for a dictionary. And I myself must have been asked more than 20 times! Even the really old and ratty dictionary (without a cover at that) got purchased. Somehow, I didn't anticipate such "enthusiasm" for dictionaries among the customers, just 'coz whenever I myself go to the book stand, I think of buying books for recreational reading. The academic and reference books are usually the exception. So yes, that whole "selling bargain books" thing was an eye-opener for me. Come to think of it, that practically encapsulates our country's literacy problem in a nutshell. How can one be expected to read these novels and other literary works--with their highfallutin language and all--when one cannot even understand the meaning of basic words in English? Merely knowing how to read words, without comprehending them, does not make one functionally literate. Our country may have a high literacy rate (higher than 90%), but our functional literacy is another story. Tough. Really tough. Hmm, this makes me think of suggesting a Dictionary Sale next time. I myself must have at least 3 dictionaries (not including my Thesaurus, etymology stuff, and the like). I certainly could give up a couple of those. Even the tattered, dog-eared ones can still be useful to others.

Anyway, since not a lot of the books have been purchased by noontime, we had to drop the price from PhP 15.00 to PhP 5.00, and do some really aggressive marketing ("Ito pong book ni Robert Ludlum, baka magustuhan niyo. Siya po yung author nung Bourne Identity." "Ah, nagbabasa po pala kayo ng Danielle Steele? Baka magustuhan niyo rin ho si Judith McNaught."). That's what I call promoting literacy. Hehehe. Apparently, our marketing strategy worked. At the end of the day, the loads of books that we originally brought to the sale got reduced to a stack that fit into one medium-sized box.:) Even some of the titles by Isaac Asimov got purchased. Boy, was that fulfilling!

So yes, we did work hard. But we really had fun too. As in most JVP functions, laughter and camaraderie were part of yesterday's equation. Bonding through tough challenges had always been a JVP trademark anyway.:) And our rummage sale experience was, gladly, not an exception to that "norm". What made it even better was that several former JVPs, aside from "the usual suspects," did turn up to show their support for the Steering Com. Community-building wise, that was a really good development for the MLC. Second, what other people consider to be "old" or "extra" have really benefited many not-so-well-off Marikeños who don't have enough money to buy brand new things. ( "Kaya kami nandito, ay dahil hindi namin kaya bumili ng bago," one shopper says.) At ridiculously low prices, they were given the chance to acquire "good finds"... to make something new of the old. Lastly, these extra stuff that are as good as"garbage" to some did turn into "gold" for JVP too. At the end of the day, we were all so happy to learn that we earned PhP xx,xxx.00 (I'm not sure if I could publish the exact amount, so I'll have to keep people guessing for now). Kudos goes to the MLC Steering Com, with its new, dynamic and hardworking team! These people have really outdone themselves this time, thereby infusing new life to the community as well.:) And from the looks of it, this is only the beginning of better things to come.

goodbyes and how do you do's

2005-09-03T23:23:00.000+08:00

This week has been a week of “goodbyes,” starting with the surprise despedida party for Fr. Mario on Monday night. After 14 (or was it 15?) years of serving as JVP’s chaplain, this groovy priest is now passing on the baton to Fr. Mars (another kewl priest), as he moves to Boston for his sabbatical. It was a brief gathering with the JVP framily, but it was enjoyable and memorable nonetheless, what with the sumptuous food, the fun games, and the wonderful bye-bye video lovingly prepared by Kangirl. No tears were shed, since I don’t think Fr. Mario’s departure has really sunk in yet... not even on the part of Fr. Mario himself. But I’m pretty sure that his presence in JVP functions, as well as his inspiring homilies, his funky dance moves, and all the playful banter that he so loves to instigate, will be missed.

Here’s a manipulated mag cover I made, which doubles as Fr. Mario’s bye bye card:

Meanwhile, the other “goodbye” happened last Thursday, when we sent off my cousin Rona for her flight back home to the U.S.—but not before we spent time together shopping for pasalubongs, hunting for books and CDs of local artists, touring Metro Manila (via LRT/MRT), watching movies about RP, analyzing Philippine culture, and simply talking about anything and everything under the Philippine sun. So yeah, it has been a fun albeit hectic week with my cousin. Playing Ate (and “family girl”) isn’t so bad after all.:)

But then again, for every goodbye, there is a corresponding “hello"... or at least, a corresponding “how do you do.” The first of such came on Monday night (after Fr. Mario’s despedida) at 70’s Bistro, where my friends and I decided to hang out with expectations of watching Rivermaya do their thing. Well, Rivermaya, for some reason, decided not to start doing their thing until past 11:20 p.m., which got some of us annoyed. But then, I didn’t get as bothered by the band’s “unprofessionalism” (as Maita calls it) as I normally would be, because for some reason, my cousin (who was with her Fil-Am friends at that time) ended up in the same bar. The coincidence of it all kind of amazed me and took my mind off the fact the band was taking their time before performing. But that was just for starters (it's just a side story actually). This is the main story: On our way out of the place, I heard somebody calling my name. When I turned around, I was sooo surprised to see Jib, my former student from Bulan (who was part of a group of students that I fondly called my “wholesome boys” ü). In Bistro, of all places! I couldn’t believe my eyes. My life in Bulan seems so far away from my present reality that seeing a former student of mine in one of my friends’ usual hang-out places is quite surreal. And gosh, I felt so old after hearing that Jib has graduated from college and is now working here in Manila. But I was thoroughly pleased as well when I learned that he is an Economics graduate—because that’s the subject that I taught his class.:) So yah, that encounter really made my day. It totally made up for the hours we spent standing on our feet, in a jampacked venue, waiting for the band to perform.

Anyway, it turned out that my “encounters with my past life in Bulan” was not an isolated incident. Just yesterday, I received a phone call from one Mrs. Lopez. As my mom’s assistant was transferring the call, I was trying to rack my brains for memories attached to the name. Was she someone I met while gathering data for my thesis? I didn’t think so. Or was she a parent of one of my former alagas in Pathways? Nah. Teacher Mike’s mom? Definitely not! And so, I decided to receive the call, not knowing who to expect. Then, when I talked to the lady on the other end of the line, I realized that she is a parent of one of my former students in Bulan (whose group I fondly called my “good boys,” just 'coz the reverse, albeit a more appropriate name for their group, would not sound so encouraging ü). Anyway, the mom was saying that she uncovered an old notebook, found my number on it, and decided to give me a call to invite me to visit their house in V. Luna sometime. She also proudly announced that her son Rogel has just graduated and is now eligible to become a policeman. Wow, I must say, he really has come a long way. To think I (and my co-teachers) used to do lots of “police” and “detective work” on this same kid’s activities and whereabouts when he was in high school! Hehe.

So there you go. Seems like my “past” has been constantly knocking at my door lately. Hmm, I wonder what that could mean. And I mustn’t forget that “get-together” I promised another group of students after I’m done with my thesis defense. Now, if only I could get Chris or Jay to go with me....:)

Speaking of thesis, I saw the person who arranges the defense scheds at Gesu yesterday, and she said that they finally set a date for mine. It will be on September 23, at 12:00 n.n. Gosh, that’s like waaay later than I expected, or at least hoped for. Apparently, my panelists are very busy, and had a hard time finding a common time for my defense. Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess. So there goes my aspirations of finishing my defense in the next one or two weeks. Now, I have a three-week gap in my sched and I don’t exactly know what I’d do with it. But then again, there are more things in life to complain about than a three-week sort-of-vacation. So yah, it’s all good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On the subject of goodbyes, the ADMU team said bye-bye to solo second spot after losing to UST this afternoon, and after the results of last Thursday’s DLSU-UE game (which DLSU won) went in favor of UE by technicality.:( Now, ADMU has to win all its remaining games (against tough opponents at that!) to force a play-off versus UE for the second championship slot. Hmm, looks like the berth for the Finals will really be ONE BIG FIGHT. In every sense of the phrase.

sitting and waiting...or not

2005-08-29T13:24:00.000+08:00

It amazes me how things can change in just a matter of days…or hours. Monday last week, I thought I had to wait until the end of that week before I could get hold of my thesis manuscript again. But then, just a few hours after my last post, I received word from my adviser that I could retrieve my manuscript for the final pre-defense revisions. Boy, was I pleasantly surprised! The best thing about it was that the revisions weren’t as major as I expected. In fact, whereas I thought my adviser and I did not have the same writing style, she said that my thesis was well-written. Whew! Huge sigh of relief there! Also, whereas I previously thought it’d take me a week to complete my revisions, I was able to do it overnight. By Tuesday, I showed my revised manuscript to my adviser and got her approval. By Wednesday, I submitted it to the Psychology Department, with all the requisite style and format according to APA standards. So yeah, right now, all I can do is sit and wait for our Department Chairperson’s 'go ahead' for my defense.

Except that these past few days, I haven’t really just been sitting and waiting. I figured that I could really use the break, so I’ve been kind of just enjoying my days, doing all the “nothing” I couldn’t do ever since the month began.

Mane idea. For one, I got myself a long-overdue haircut (which I said I would get right after Tintin and John’s wedding). Only, the haircut didn’t turn out as I envisioned it to be. The style is too layered, which isn’t very suitable for my hair type. It just makes my hair fly away at the back, and is thus, unmanageable. Since my purpose for cutting my hair is to keep it “low maintenance,” that just won’t work for me. So, I’m actually thinking of getting another haircut—a really short one, similar to my “do” four or five years ago. But I don’t know which salon to go to now, since all the salons I’ve been going to in the past years have either closed down, or have lost my trust when it comes to executing the look that I want for my hair. So I kinda have to re-evaluate which salon is worth going to. So maybe, I’ll wait for a few more days before I get that follow-up haircut. Or maybe not.

UAAP fever. The latter part of last week also saw me watching two UAAP games live (one of which, incidentally, landed both Maita and me on TV again...harhar). I must say, I’m getting “high” on collegiate basketball again. And that’s not just because Ateneo is on a winning streak after a really bad start this season, but more so because they are, now more than ever, playing as a team. Their success so far is not just due to the efforts of the Ateneo Five’s touted stars, but due to the improved performance of the second-stringers as well. More than talent, it is the team’s collective effort that’s making them win games this season, and which makes supporters like me want to come back for more. In fact, after last Saturday’s win against UE (one of the really strong contenders this year), Maits, Carmen, Reg and I—all die-hard Blue Eagle supporters—vowed to attend all the remaining ADMU games and cheer our hearts out. Call us groupies, I don’t care. This is one of the very few instances that I wouldn’t mind being called that. Because it’s true.:)

Family day. To cap the week, I spent the entire day yesterday with family. We attended the 1^st birthday celebration of a family friend’s kid in Intramuros. Then, my mom, my cousin Rona and I spent the rest of the afternoon in Greenhills, shopping for pasalubongs for Rona’s family in the US. I must say that shopping (and in a crowded tiangge at that) isn’t my kind of thing. But I did survive it. I guess the company made it worth while.:)

Aside from these, there were other developments that I found worth cheering about:

Immersion into the Filipino way of life. I am so happy for my cousin Rona who spent the past two months learning about Philippine history and culture through the Tagalog On-Site (TOS) Program. Not only did she come back with a better grasp of Tagalog, but she now has a new-found appreciation of her Filipino heritage. She also got to visit different places (i.e. Banaue, Sagada, Zambales, Olongapo, Subic, Pampanga, Laguna, Banahaw, Batangas), and met all sorts of people (i.e. Filipino scholars/academicians, journalists, Ifugaos, T’bolis, Aetas, abused children, women prostitutes, NPAs). On top of that, she seems to have immensely enjoyed herself as well. I’m glad she’ll have so much of the Philippines to take back with her to the US.:)

Debut single. Jay was finally able to release his very own composition (“Ikaw Forever”) through Brownman Revival’s new album “Steady Lang.” I’d have to admit that while Dino (the lead singer of the band) is my friend, and while I enjoy Brownman’s music, I bought their album primarily 'coz of Jay’s request. I kinda have to because I’m sort of privy to the history behind the song. Hehe. But anyway, the album turned out to be really good. It has, in fact, never left my CD rotation in the past two weeks. I hope people will buy it as well.:)

Hope for RP. In these times of socio-political and economic turmoil, it is sooo heartening to hear positive news about our country. Here’s one: The Philippine Coconet Project makes it as one of the finalists of BBC's and Newsweek's The World Challenge. Vote now and spread the word!

With all these things that have been holding my interest lately, how could I just sit and wait? Rather than waiting in suspended animation, I feel more like cheering and jumping for joy for all these people and groups around me who are doing well in their own little endeavors. Who knows? Some of their good fortune might rub off on me too, such that when my waiting time is over, the outcome of my efforts would be something that I’d be able to cheer about as well.

already, but not yet

2005-08-22T12:04:00.000+08:00

I’m already there, but not yet.

I’ve already submitted my thesis manuscript to my adviser early last week. But I have yet to receive it back for revisions, which would then entitle me to finally defend it.

I’ve already served out my term as corporate secretary of JVPFI, with last Saturday’s 12-hour Board meeting, and yesterday’s General Assembly. But I have yet to finish the minutes of both functions and turn over all the documents to my successor.

I can already afford to rest my mind and body. But not so much that I couldn’t bring my projects to completion.

I’m already standing in front of the finish line.

But I have yet to cross it.

Instead, I'm crossing my fingers that I can finally break through to the side of fulfillment and completion.

Soon.

new look, new name, same old me

2005-08-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

I finally got myself a new look, a new name, and a new home! For my blog, that is.:) Well, “the look” is not that new actually, since the template is more than a week old. (I just never got around to explaining it. ü) But I’ve actually been meaning to make the switch since a couple of months ago. To borrow Anj's words (from her old site), my old blog didn’t “feel like me” anymore. Or maybe I’ve just gotten tired of it. The template was too dull, the url was a little too melodramatic, etcetera, etcetera. The incongruence wasn’t so much in terms of content and substance, since every post did capture a piece of me at a certain moment in time. But sometimes, the overt elements of interaction (in this case, the blog template, the blog name, the url) via this medium does affect the message that one puts across. We are embodied spirits after all.ü

Hence, just as I’m becoming more comfortable in my own skin (as I mentioned in my previous post), I thought It’d be cool if I became more comfortable with my “blog skin” as well. Hehehe. And since I’ve always been fascinated with dichotomies and two-fold realties (and how these realities need not contradict, but should complement each other instead), I’ve decided to go by what you now see in this blog. (Just for the record, I was playing around with "x&y" in my head even before I heard of Coldplay's latest album. I love Coldplay, but the "x&y" thingy was more of a Psych stat influence, more than anything.ü) I brought in my old entries too, just so I can see the continuity of things. So there you go, another duality: the merging of the old and the new. Same substance, different form. My blog.

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After my self-imposed semi-hiatus from the internet last week, I finally finished reading a week’s worth of emails last night. A lot if it made for heavy reading, what with the current crisis in the socio-political scene and all. But there were light ones too that balanced it all out. This one’s my favorite:

How Smart is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. (Note: Try to do it as you read each line.)

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction.

I told you!! And there's nothing you can do about it.

Uncanny huh? But really cool too! Now I have something new to practice when I need to rest my mind and develop my psychomotor skills instead.ü

closer to fine

2005-08-02T17:06:00.000+08:00

One hundred fifty-two million, four hundred twenty-four thousand minutes. That’s how much time I’ve spent on earth entering into yesterday. Hmm, those figures make me sound like I’m really ancient. Which I probably am. Curiously, however, I don’t feel ancient at all. When I look in the mirror, I’m even surprised to see that my reflection has changed—that creases have started appearing on my forehead and that the dark circles under my eyes never seem to disappear anymore. Because on the inside, I somehow feel younger. Or maybe not younger exactly, but…more comfortable in my own skin. I am able to take myself less seriously, and in the process, seize what each day has to offer.

In a strange way, I guess I do feel that I’ve gotten both older and younger this past decade. Older, because I’d acquainted myself with the so-called “real world,” had my share of setbacks and small victories, and somehow grew and learned from those experiences. Younger, because I realize, now more than ever, that in the face of knowledge, I do not (and won’t ever) know everything. Hence, there is more learning to do, and a lot more discoveries to make. Life is bound to take me to other uncharted regions, and I’m definitely in for the ride!

Anyway, friends have been asking me how I plan to celebrate this “milestone” in my life. I had to tell them that I didn’t really plan anything for my 30^th birthday. That’s how it has always been for me. As much as I like planning other people’s birthday parties, I don’t make fixed plans for my own birthday. Not that I don’t celebrate life. I so do! But I also believe that there are other ways of celebrating life than holding birthday gatherings and all that. I’ve always preferred my birthday to be as quiet as possible. It’s enough that I make a fuss about planning (and trying to stick to the plan) 354 days a year. Add to this the fact that my birthday almost always follows the frenzy and merriment of the St. Ignatius Feast Day Celebration and the JVP General Assembly, allowing me to spend time with a lot of the people who I want to celebrate life with in the first place. So come August 1, all that’s left for me to do is relax, reflect, and just go with the flow.:)

Yesterday, the flow was initially taking me to the direction of the Results section of my thesis. After all, I do have to submit the edited version of Chapters 1-3 of my manuscript to my adviser on Friday. I rationalized that I had my share of “rest and recreation” in the past days anyway. On Saturday, I gave in to watching the UAAP game between ADMU and UP, when I should be doing my thesis instead. Even if I caught it only on TV, the game excited me so much that it totally killed whatever drive I had to finish a certain section of my manuscript before the week ended. Then on Sunday, I attended the lovely, lovely wedding of my dear friends, Tintin and John (which I’ll write more about in another post). Some of my best friends were there too, and the day I spent with them (driving to Tagaytay, braving the rain, dressing up in public bathrooms, panicking together, going to mass together, eating together, laughing together) is exactly what I would characterize as the “perfect framily day”. (This despite the pouring rain…but maybe minus the formal attire. Hehe.) So yes, with all the excitement of the weekend, I didn’t mind getting back to work on my birthday.

But then, between the influx of text messages and phone calls, I have never actually gotten into focusing on my manuscript. Which was fine, because at least I got to touch base with more friends, some of whom I haven’t heard from in a long time. I was especially surprised when, upon answering a call, I heard Whel’s voice on the other end of the line. She sounded really happy and all settled now in the UK with her beautiful family. I could even hear adorable little Ceira’s voice in the background! That really, really, REALLY made my day.:)

And then, the torrential rains came. Lighting struck, and the power came out. At 6pm or so, darkness descended upon Xavierville Ave., and candles were lit. I wish I could say they were the kind that one can wish upon, since I didn’t have candles on my cake this year. But nope, that is not quite the case.

Just when I was about to resign myself to getting used to the darkness, Alex came in for a surprise visit! She was, as usual, her sunshiny self, and her presence definitely brightened up our house in a way that not even a hundred candles could. She brought me Cello’s donuts too, and stayed a while for a chat. Thanks soooo much Alex! That was so sweet and thoughtful of you.:)

Anyway, when Alex left, I was back again into contemplating what I should do in the midst of the darkness. Then I decided to finally read Bob Ong’s Alamat ng Gubat, which I originally intended to read a few weeks ago while waiting for my turn to meet Neil Gaiman, but which had since been forgotten. It was a very thin book, so I was done with it in no time. After that, I started reading another book which I wasn’t in the mood for. Before long, I switched to just doing all the “nothing” I could think of doing in the dark (i.e. play with candles, fiddle with my digicam, test which batteries are still working). And by then, I was beginning to identify with Ulang, the lobster character in Bob Ong’s story who admitted that doing nothing could actually tire one out (“nakakapagod gumawa ng wala”). By 11pm, I gave up and tried to go to bed. And eventually, I gave in to somnolent oblivion. So yes, on my birthday, I did something I don’t usually do. I slept waaay earlier than my usual bedtime. Mwahaha!

At 1:30am, the power came back on, and I was immediately awake. By then, I was too out of sorts to do anything but watch Fear Factor on TV. And so, that was how the first day of my thirtieth year ended—that is, with me watching a bunch of people eating hamburger worms and crossing shifting planks on mid-air. And yet, all I could think of was: It has been a fine day, brown-out and all. And somehow, I know that it is going to be a fine year as well.

Having said that, I’d like to end this post with a song that speaks volumes about where I am (or where I’d like to be) at this point in my life:

Closer to Fine
by Indigo Girls

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

Chorus:
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to see a doctor o f Philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knees
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.

[Chorus]
I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle, or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I've been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.

[Chorus]

We go to the Bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the look out
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine.

triple tweak

2005-07-25T23:44:00.000+08:00

tweak (v.) 1. To pinch, pluck, or twist sharply; 2. To adjust; fine-tune; 3. To make fun of; tease.

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Quali to Quanti

Tweaking is not a word that I would normally use…not even after it had become such a “fashionable” term to throw around, thanks to the exposure it got through the movie You’ve Got Mail. But if I were to capture what I had been doing these past couple of days with one word, tweaking would be it. The object of my tweak-iness? My thesis data. (Big surprise there.)

The long and short of it is that my adviser, who I met with last Friday (after not having seen her for four months), urged me to incorporate quantitative methods of analysis into my research, which happens to be qualitative/phenomenological in nature. Apparently, on a recent dissertation defense, one PhD student’s qualitative study was not received so well by the members of her panel. My adviser, thus, hypothesized that the Philippines is not yet entirely ready for theory-building researches using the bottom-up approach. Which leaves me with no choice but to, well, tweak my voluminous qualitative data some more so that I could convert it into quantitative stuff that I could test for statistically. Which means that I would have to postpone finalizing my manuscript a few more weeks, instead of submitting it next week as originally planned. Arrgh!

To allow time for the adjustments, my adviser suggested that I target September 20 as my thesis defense date. But…but…that’s two more months from now! No can do for me. I mean, I do like my thesis topic. It is, after all, about the concept of helping—a subject that is close to my heart. But I’d really like it much better if I could go beyond just researching and writing about helping and get back to actually doing it.

Well, I told myself I'd defend by August. So by hook or by crook, I will defend by August, even if that means continuing on being sleep-deprived for the next 3 weeks or so. Not that I ever was not. Harhar.

Jeers and Leers

But that was not all the tweaking that I witnessed these past few days. Yesterday (Sunday), I attended my first UAAP game this season. It was ADMU vs. NU, at the Loyola Gym. It’s hardly a match that Ateneans would opt to go to (no offense to NU students and fans), but I decided to go anyway, if only to release all the thesis-related nervous energy building up inside me since Friday afternoon. After all, my mind can take only so much data-tweaking for one day. But when I got there, I almost immediately got sucked into the highly-charged atmosphere of the game. The brand of play was extremely physical, and hotter heads, more of often than not, prevailed, both on and off the court (later on, causing 2 players to get thrown off the game). Jeers and leers came in loads. Now that’s tweaking for you, in the worst sense of the word. Like Reg said, there was definitely a “weird” feeling to that particular game, which was reminiscent of the riotous UP vs. ADMU match last year where Larry Fonacier sustained his season-ending injury. Thankfully, nobody got injured this time (not in a critical manner anyway). But still, I didn’t appreciate the hot heads. Really uncalled for. I just wanted to say, “Chill guys, it’s just a game—one which our team is leading by 30 points, by the way!”

On the brighter side, ADMU did win by a large margin. And I’m not sure when I’m gonna witness such a big victory again this season. So yeah, that got me considerably cheered up, despite having to go back to more data tweaking for the rest of the day.:)

Up Close and Personal

Fast forward to this afternoon. So, in between my thesis tweaking, I agreed to meet up with D, a Pathways volunteer who asked to interview me for his English class project. The interview, he said, would revolve around my experiences as a volunteer, which is a topic I am most comfortable with. After all, I must have talked about that particular subject like 48 million times already. So, no sweat. I’m game.

And so the interview started just like any other. I was asked the usual questions: What made you pursue a life of volunteerism? What were the organizations that you volunteered for? What was your most memorable experience as a volunteer? And so on, and so forth.

And then, midway into the interview, D asked: Why didn’t you have a romantic relationship through all those years? Do you think that having a boyfriend is a hindrance to volunteerism? Followed by: Did anyone try courting you? What was your response? Mwahaha! That really cracked me up. Not that I was unwilling to answer the questions. They were actually “refreshing,” if you think about it. It’s just that they weren’t the usual questions that I get asked about when I’m talking about volunteerism. Hehehe. And then I realized…my, my, I’ve been tweaked! This is what I get for agreeing to be interviewed by someone who knows about my “singleness” thrust. Haha. And for that, I give D points for creativity and inquisitiveness.:) (And maybe, someday, when I have the time and inclination, I’ll remember to post my answers to his questions on this blog. Hehehe.)

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I got home this afternoon just in time for PGMA’s State of the Nation Address. Nothing she said was really new to me. They were mostly motherhood statements. But then again, I expected that somehow. And yes, she seemed to have excited most of the congressmen and LGU officials with the “parliamentary/federal government” proposal, but at the end of the day, the real issues were not really addressed. I would love to tweak her statements and proposals, but right now, my mind is tired enough as it is. So I’ll just save that for another day. For now, I shall reserve my energies for something I have control over, such as my thesis.

And so, the tweaking continues...

gloom and doom in harry potter 6

2005-07-19T11:17:00.000+08:00

After three nightly installments, I finally finished reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince this evening. And boy, all I can say is that J.K. Rowling really knows how to keep her readers hanging in suspended animation!

Actually, after the initial excitement of reading the first few chapters, I realized that I wasn't finding the book as engaging and action-packed as the previous ones. That is, I wasn't compelled to stay up ALL night to actually finish it. And that feeling persisted even when I was done reading 2/3 of the book. But things took a different turn when I reached the last few chapters. The pace of the story picked up and the old, familiar feeling of impending doom (that I usually associate with reading HP books) resurfaced. And yep, that cliffhanger of an ending kept my heart racing even after I turned the last page of the book.

Apparently Jay has just finished reading it as well, and phoned me a while ago to express what I've been thinking all along: So what now? What do we do while we are waiting for HP7?

What indeed? All we can do is sit and wait, and wish that J.K. Rowling gets a healthy dose of inspiration that would enable her to finish writing the 7th book, say, in 6 months time. But that isn't likely to happen, is it? Even if all her readers drank Felix Felicis every day for 6 months, I don't think we'll get THAT lucky. This is, after all, the real world. Hehe.

Speaking of the real world, one thing I can say about HP6 is that it reminded me a bit of our country's present state, right from the first chapter, especially with these lines (perhaps with the exception of the "chilly mist" part):

"A grim mood has gripped the country," the opponent
had concluded, barely concealing his own broad grin.

And unfortunately, this was perfectly true. The Prime
Minister felt it himself; the people really seem more
miserable than usual. Even the weather was more
miserable than usual. Even the weather was dismal;
all this chilly mist in the middle of July...It wasn't right,
it wasn't normal. (p. 2)

Then, there's this section towards the latter part of the book which says:

Voldemort himself created his own worst enemy,
just as tyrants everywhere do! Have you any idea
how much tyrants fear the people they oppress? All
of them realize that, one day, amongst their many
victims, there is sure to be one who rises against them
and strikes back! (p. 510)

Doesn't this just reek of the Philippine socio-political scene? I think so. And I don't mean just now, but in various parts of our history. Yup, seeing these parallellisms of gloom and doom, I am inclined to believe that there are dementors and Death Eaters among The Powers That Be in our country--the non-magical but equally lethal kind.

And that will be the last thing I'll say about Harry Potter 6...at least until my friends (who might be reading this blog) are done reading it as well.:)

Anyway, while I'm on the subject of books, I might as well post my long-overdue answers to the book survey that hit people's blogs a couple of weeks ago . Thanks for tagging me, May8 and Anj!

My main bookshelf (top 2 1/2 levels)

The bookshelf behind my bed
(which also serves as my headboard)

Number of books I own: More than 200, not including my reference and academic books of course. Also, I still have books that have not been let out the box ever since our family transferred houses 12 years or so ago. (Most of these are of the young adult kind. Judy Blume anyone?).

Gosh, all this book counting business reminds me of books that were borrowed from me and never returned! I wonder if there is still a chance of retrieving any of them? *Sigh*

Other books on loan: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling, The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason, Pompeii by Robert Harris, The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom, Breaking the DaVinci Code by Darrell L. Bock, Angels and Demons by Dan Brown.

And those that haven’t been returned in 3 years or more (arrggh!!!): The Griffin and Sabine trilogy, The Tao of Pooh, The Woman Who Had Two Navels, A Little Princess, The Tattooed Map.

Last purchased book(s): Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling, Michaelangelo’s Notebook by Paul Christopher, Alamat ng Gubat by Bob Ong

Last re-read: Return to Sodom and Gomorrah by Charles Pellegrino; American Gods by Neil Gaiman

Five books for a deserted island: Arrgh, this is difficult…but okay, I’ll stick to five. Or maybe not.

1) The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
2) The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende
3) The Giver by Lois Lowry
4) Pompeii by Robert Harris
5) It's a toss up between Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling. Still can't decide which.

Book I'd thwack someone on the head with: Probably the Reader’s Digest Oxford Complete Wordfinder that’s sitting on my topmost shelf (thicker than Harry Potter Book 5.)

Book I'd like to burn: I really couldn’t think of any book I’d like to burn. Too "bonfire of the vanities," methinks.

Book that is overrated: Richard Bach’s books (with the exception of Jonathan Livingston Seagull)

Fun classics: Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery; Pride and Prejudice and Emma by Jane Austen; The Twelfth Night by Shakespeare.

Last book read: The last book that I finished was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling. But up until yesterday, it's Michaelangelo’s Notebook by Paul Christopher.

NOTE: I won't be tagging any people for this particular survey anymore, just 'coz this has gone around 'blogworld' already. But feel free to answer in case you haven't come across this before.:)

COMING SOON: My response to Allkaput's tag on the subject of cooking (of which I know next to nothing....hehe).

the weekend's big event(s)

2005-07-18T12:57:00.000+08:00

If last weekend's big news was Gaimania in Manila, this past weekend's big thing is the release of the sixth book in the Harry Potter series, also known as "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." Although I've pre-ordered a copy of the book through Dondi (who works for a company that allows its employees to order HP6 by-the-bulk), I wasn't actually banking on getting hold of it anytime soon. I figured that that would actually be a good thing, since that would allow me time to focus on editing a couple of my thesis chapters, before I come face-to-face with my adviser this week. I thought, it would actually be perfect timing if I got my copy on the last weekend of July because then, I'd be (hopefully) finished with my manuscript and won't be as harassed.

It turned out that I didn't have to wait that long. By yesterday mid-afternoon, Dondi (a.k.a. Pumbi) came knocking at my door, carrying a box containing three copies of Harry Potter 6 --one for me, one for May8 and one for Maita. Funny, because he was even more excited than I was about getting my book earlier than expected! Harhar. He, of course, already finished reading it, and is itching to discuss it with someone. Two years ago, I finished reading HP5 in two sittings (and this was a time when I was working 6-7 days a week and studying at the same time) largely because of his unrelenting resolve to bug me until I did so. Hehe. (Peace, Pumbi!) This time, I said I won't give in so easily. But last night, I allowed myself to read one chapter...which led to another chapter, and then to the next. Before I knew it, I was more than 1/3 done. Mwahaha! So much for self-control. Hehe. (At least I didn't stay up all night to finish it and ruin my thesis schedule today in the process.)

But that wasn't all there was this past weekend. The other big and more significant event was Tintin's Bridal Shower, which was held at Adiel's and VJ's place last Saturday night. Good food. Good fun. Great company. That's how it was, in a nutshell. Tintin was so "game" facing up to the "challenges" that we threw her, which made everything doubly enjoyable. I spent almost every night preparing for this occasion this past week, so I am sooo glad that it turned out well. (Although, of course, there were a few minor hitches, such as the #29/#69 confusion, which I unwittingly perpetuated. So sorry Edlyn and May8!). I'd post pictures, but well, not everything is Rated-GP so I'd just leave things to your imagination. Mwahaha!

Over all, it was a beautiful shower party for a beautiful bride-to-be...which, I'm sure, is just a prelude to Tintin's beautiful life together with John.:)

And over-all, it was yet another beautiful weekend. A prelude to a beautiful week? Hmm...we'll see about that one.

the day i swapped gaiman for my thesis

2005-07-11T12:44:00.000+08:00

Yes, that's exactly how i'll probably remember this day.

I belatedly learned this morning that we could actually "invite ourselves" to the Writers' Forum with Neil Gaiman at the Music Museum (about to start in less than an hour from now), via the British Museum website. I was, of course, excited at the possibility of being part of the event. And so, I submitted my on-line confirmation, and got this in return:

************************

Dear Pia Ortiz-Luis,

Thank you for confirming your attendance to the Neil Gaiman Writers Forum. Please pick up your ticket at:

British Council Philippines
10th Floor Taipan Place
Emerald Avenue, Ortigas Centre
Pasig City

Please bring this with you when you register on 11 July at the Music Museum in Greenhills. Registration begins at 1PM sharp.

For more information, please contact:

Tel No : 9141011 to 14
Website: www.britishcouncil.org.ph

*************************

Upon receiving this message, however, I remembered that I need to get back to work mode today and couldn't really afford to have another "lakwatsa day." As it is, with all the excitement of the weekend (which includes not just the Gaiman event, but also Nicnic's daughter's first birthday, as well as the UAAP games), I'm expecting to exert double the effort to get me back to working on my thesis. If I go to the Writer's Forum this afternoon, I figured I'd want to go to Gateway right after that too, just to see how things will turn out there. Which means I'll never progress with my thesis.

And so, here I am now, sitting in front of my computer blogging about why I won't be in the Music Museum this afternoon, instead of actually making my way to Music Museum and seeing more of Gaiman. Smart decision or foolish one? I really don't know. Hehe. Right now, I feel like I won't regret it. After all, I had a choice about it.

Hopefully, Anj will fill us in on the highlights of the forum.:) (Not to pressure her or anything though. Hehe.) That would be enough for me for now.

******************

ETA: Relatedly, here is a very, very short clip of the Q&A Forum during last Saturday's event. Not the best angle. A little shaky too. (This was, after all, taken while I was holding myself up on tiptoes, and raising my digicam above the heads of all those tall Gaiman fans in front of us. Harhar.) But well, it's better than nothing.

waiting, not in vain

2005-07-11T07:44:00.000+08:00

July 9, 2005; The Tent, Powerplant Mall, Rockwell, Makati

He came to “The Gathering” in the midst of political turmoil and in the sweltering heat of Manila, still wearing a leather jacket. He apologized for being late (printer trouble, he says). His (screaming) fans didn’t mind. Everyone was just ecstatic to see him after the looong wait.

Welcome, Neil!

He saw just how much Filipinos love and appreciate him. We’re even louder than the Brazilians, he says, what with our “terrifying enthusiasm” and all the “mad noises” we make when we are happy. Hahaha! I’m not quite sure if that’s good or bad, but I’m pretty sure that Filipinos made quite an impression on him. Enough for him to possibly consider portraying a Filipino character in one of his future stories.:)

Neil reading an except from Anansi Boys

He conquered. Oh yes, he conquered. Not just with the magical quality of his works, but also with the genuineness of his person. In the word of Anj’s Jan, he is such an affable person! He did, after all, stay for more than 8 hours straight, signing books and refusing to leave until everyone in the room was satisfied and happy. Gosh. If I weren’t already a “fan” going into this event, I would no doubt be a convert right there and then.

Neil answering questions from fans

That’s Neil Gaiman for you. Story-teller extraordinaire and all around Mr. Nice Guy.:)

And yes, after almost 15 hours of waiting, and 601 (or so) people that came before me...

My friends and I waiting for our turn

... I too, was also able to personally meet him...

My turn

...and got this as a souvenir:

Best fishes!:)

I’m really, really glad my friends and I decided to wait, despite almost being convinced by the organizer to throw in the towel and just come back to see him either at Greenhills or Gateway. In the end, we got what we came for.

Just goes to prove that some things in life are just worth the wait.:)

a series of unexpected events

2005-07-05T23:53:00.000+08:00

If you want to make God laugh, make plans. That was what Rosing used to say. Well, those words have never rung truer for me than in the just-concluded month of June.

The thing is, when I started to work on my thesis in February, I seriously thought the last few months leading up to my defense would see me leading the life of a recluse. Not that it is what I actually want, but that was necessarily the sort of set-up that would facilitate the completion of my research work. And so, I was bent on having a semblance of that set-up, for the sake of advancing my scholarly life. You know what they say, life gets in the way of one’s studies (or work). Harhar.

And so, a few weeks ago, at the beginning of the new semester, I declared to some of my friends that I would start to really focus on nothing but my thesis. I told them that I would have to lessen my gimmicks, and altogether skip unplanned ones. So yes, unless a “night out” has not been planned earlier and not been factored into my schedule, I would not be able to attend it.

But then, life happened as I was planning other things. It the past few weeks, I have been out every other night watching movies, plays, and live band performances or simply having dinner dates with friends, some of whom I haven’t seen for a long time. To top it all off, my cousin Rona from the US stayed with us for almost 2 weeks, and I kinda had to play the gracious hostess to her. That usually translated to spending time just chatting with her and hanging out for hours on end on a daily basis. It was about time too, because the last time I bonded with her was when she was 7 years old and I was 14. Haha. (Yah, yah, I’m the “Ate” among my cousins.) I usually had to juggle my daily schedule to accommodate our tête-à-tête, but I didn’t really mind. It was truly fun getting to know her all over again. Unplanned, yes. Unexpected, check. But definitely not unwelcome. Anyway, she’s in UP Los Baños right now attending the two-month Tagalog On-Site Program for Fil-American students. So that would mean that I could go back to regular programming this week.:)

The funny thing is that, even with all these unplanned activities this past month of June, I’ve managed to stick by my thesis schedule thus far. In fact, I could say that I’ve had more progress with my research work in the past three weeks than on the months of April and May combined. So yeah, I swerved a little from the “nothing but my thesis” plan. But at the end of the day, I think I’m on the right track. All is as it should be. For now.

~*~*~*~*~*~

All is as it should be. I really wish I could say that for our nation as well. But alas, nothing is like it should be. All hell is breaking loose. Yet again.

Another presidential scandal. Another betrayal of public trust. Another step backward for our country. Another EDSA? God, I hope not.

You see, this is the saddest thing. I’ve been an active participant in the first two EDSAs (and yes, even on the third one, specifically during the “clean-up” operations on Labor Day 2001). And having invested time, effort and much of my physical and emotional energies out there in the streets (yup, even at age 10 during the first People Power revolution), I really do feel that “the powers that be owe” it to us—the people—to deliver on their promise of change for our nation. But like many, I’ve been let down time and again.

So, was this Gloriagate scandal really unexpected? Maybe. But then again, maybe not. But no matter what, this is definitely a most unwelcome news to our people.

It is bad enough that we have age-old socio-economic problems to contend with on a daily basis. But what makes everything worse is the moral defecation that pervades society, so utterly characterized by the underhanded actions of supposed “honorable” men and women in office. How could we expect to work on our real problems, like worsening poverty conditions or the declining state of education, when we are constantly hounded by problems that are created for us by our leadership?

We cannot go on like this forever. Something has to be done. But the big question is: WHAT? Resignation? Snap Elections? Impeachment? At this point, I really do not know. I, like many of our countrymen, am at loss right now. Five years ago, I would have thought that another “People Power” would seem like the perfect solution. (Remember that the nation has only known one EDSA Revolution at that time.) This time, however, I do not think that trooping to EDSA again would solve anything. And I guess I am not alone in this. Analysts claim that “Filipinos have grown tired of taking to the streets to sack their leaders only to discover time and again that their problems go beyond individual personalities” (Regis Reports, June 9). People power fatigue. That’s what they call it. And fatigued and disillusioned, we all are indeed.

The subject of corruption and deceit in government has been beaten to death. Many times, I feel like we’re just running around in circles, without getting any closer to finding real answers or resolutions to these problems. But as this book that I’m currently reading proposes, as circles get smaller and smaller, we’ll get to that little point of illumination at the center somehow. All I could say is that I truly, genuinely hope so. I know it will take a long painful while to reach that point. But I haven’t given up hope. For the sake of our country and our people.

my turn

2005-06-15T01:46:00.000+08:00

I got tagged by Anj and Jowi. Thanks gals! I didn’t feel like writing tonight, so making a list is a welcome alternative.:)

What are the things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play? What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Make a list, post it in your journal, and then tag 5 friends and ask them to post it in theirs.

Tinkering with my computer (arranging files, freeing up space, installing new programs, etc.)
Surfing the net and downloading useful stuff (site-hopping and blog-hopping are part of this too, of course)
Planning birthdays surprises or shower parties for friends
Watching reruns of my favorite TV shows
Having a movie marathon
Enjoying a good book
Reading up on women and gender issues
Jogging around the ADMU campus
Listening to old tapes (especially my 90’s collection and soundtracks of my fave Broadway musicals)
Searching for the lyrics of new songs that catch my fancy
Eating junk food
‘Window shopping’ at bookstores
Answering personality/pop-psy tests and questionnaires
Planning my day (seriously) and calendaring my activities
Making music videos (my new hobby :)
Making scrapbooks (though I haven’t done this one in a long, long time)
Traveling
Writing my thoughts on my journal
Playing around with Photoshop and creating manipulated pics out of my friends’ photos :)

You’ve been tagged:

Che, 'coz I haven't heard from her in a long time.
Pia, to de-stress her from all the wedding preps that she's so busy with.
Tess, to de-stress her. Period.
Enzo, because I miss his posts.
Jolit (even if doesn’t want to go public with his blog), so that he’d finally have a reason to go public with his blog. Hehe.

from glitches to google to gaiman

2005-06-07T23:44:00.000+08:00

Today did not start out so well. I was planning to do some major editing on what I’ve written for my thesis so far. But what do you know? My printer just wouldn’t cooperate! Not even when I’ve reinstalled the driver and all. I’ve tried to troubleshoot it, like I always did before. But alas, this time I wasn’t successful. Oh well. Time to call the computer service guy.

Just when I gave up on my printer and decided to use the internet for a bit, I discovered that my bookmarked pages in my browser were all gone! Every single one of them! I don’t know how that happened. I must have accidentally deleted them late last night. Grrrr. *spanks self*

Losing the addresses of my favorite sites was the least of my worries though. I still have most of them committed to memory anyway. What worried me was that there were a lot of online journal articles there that I used for my related literature (for my thesis), and which I’ll still be needing in the next few weeks. And, with a solitary key stroke, they’re all gone…just like that! Tsk, tsk.

So yah, I had no choice but to reconstruct my database of on-line reference materials (whereas it originally took me a couple of months to find good, relevant articles in the internet!). And by the time I found the more important articles, more than half the day was gone. Well, well, so much for efficiency and productivity this day.

Good thing that Google was there to aid me in my task. Well, Google and Yahoo search, that is.

Which brings me to an entirely different topic—that of search engines. For starters, I should say that I am a Google girl. Everything that I don’t have ready answers for, I believe Google can provide answers, or at least “leads,” to. But last week, as I was searching the internet for a topic I was interested in, I, for some reason, decided to check with Yahoo search too. To my surprise, Yahoo gave me more search results than Google did! And so, I tried to think up of random topics and searched them on both engines. In contrast to what I expected, Yahoo often reported more items found than Google. (I also tried other search engines, but none of them came close to the "performance" of the two aforementioned ones.)

To illustrate, here are the number of matches found on some of the items I have searched:

“Altruism” on Google: 821,000 / on Yahoo: 850,000

“Tulong” on Google: 29,800 / on Yahoo: 96,100

“Yoda” on Google: 2,080,000 / on Yahoo: 3,960,000

“The Little Prince” on Google: 218,000 / on Yahoo: 376,000

Yet:

“Grounded Theory” on Google: 197,000 / on Yahoo: 117,000

“Volunteerism” on Google: 1,960,000 / on Yahoo: 1,580,000

Funny how this interesting albeit totally useless “revelation” fascinates me. Teehee. I guess I just assumed all along that the two search engines would share the same database since they belong to the same conglomerate and all. So much for categorically thinking of Google as the “superior” one! (My hypothesis, however, is that Yahoo’s advantage lies mainly on its more extensive database on entertainment and pop culture. When it comes to general information though, Google is still more reliable.)

Moral of the story? Even if you have already consulted an expert, it would still be a good idea to get a second one opinion. You’ll never know what new things you could learn from the latter. It never hurts to cover all bases. Hehehe.

Oh, and guess who else is concerning himself with a bunch of numbers on hit counters and search engines? Neil Gaiman, on his May 29 journal entry, A Small Sunday Number Ponder. I guess I'm in good company. Harhar.

And while we’re on the subject of Gaiman, here’s the result of one of those tests that I found on the net using one of those search engines:

Which Neil Gaiman Book Are You?

You are American Gods! You are mysterious,
intelligent, and creative. To the rest of the
world you may seem a little standoffish, but
really youre just a quiet person. Youre sort of
bookish and are intrigued by mythology and
fairy tales. You might be Wiccan or Pagan,
either that or you're unreligious. You have a
sarcastic sense of humor and are the kind of
person people like to talk to because youre
such a good listener.

*~Which Neil Gaiman book are you?~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm, interesting result, considering that I found American Gods to be the most "challenging" material among the Neil Gaiman books that I've read thus far. But a significant chunk of the description does sound like me...sort of.:)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Anyway, going back to my day…it did get redeemed in the end. I got to spend the evening with friends and watch the film A Lot Like Love. It’s not my favored movie fare, but well, at least my friends made it worth watching. So yah, the day turned out to be okay, computer glitches and all.

the last days of may

2005-06-01T12:21:00.000+08:00

Note: I posted this yesterday, but I guess Blogger is once again in the habit of eating posts. Oh well.
*****************************

Sometime last week, the question of the day in the early morning show that I was watching caught my attention. The hosts of the show asked, ‘How would you like to spend the last days of summer?’ Or something like that. I was thinking, it would be nice to spend it either at the beach or in Sagada. But then, I thought that by then, it was too late…I already had other plans for the last weekend of May.

It turned out, however, that my weekend plans were not so bad after all. And there were a few lovely extras that got thrown in, which made me forget about mountains and beaches. Here are highlights:

Saturday Triple Header

The Promise. For JVPs, all roads led to the Mission Mass at the Church of Gesu last Saturday afternoon. I, on the other hand, found myself heading the opposite direction (to my old alma mater in Manila) to attend Reg’s voice recital. I promised her I would be there, even if it meant making ‘lagare’ from north to south, then back to the north again. After all, I couldn’t pass up the chance of witnessing her shining moment.:)

The theme of the recital was At The Movies, where the largely teeny-bopper cast performed songs from Disney movies, renowned musicals, and from several other movie classics. The show’s highlight for me, of course, was Reg’s rendition of The Promise, which has been a favorite of mine ever since my high school best friend sang it during my debut party. I liked in even more when it became one of JVP 18’s most well-loved songs during our service year. (It’s a shame that it didn’t become our batch song.) Well, I guess Reg has just given me another reason to love the song even more.:)

Humayo’t Ihayag. The recital was barely done when I left the auditorium to make it to JVP Batch 25’s Mission Mass. Fortunately, I arrived just in time to see the current batch being presented to the audience/mass-goers. I absolutely loved their creatively-choreographed Humayo’t Ihayag performance, which also doubled as the closing song for the mass. It was such an enjoyable, high-spirited number! Some of the alumni present in the audience (i.e. us!) couldn’t help but dance with them.:) After that, the batch also sang their originally-composed batch song. (Yup, they already have one!). If the dedication that the batch has shown in preparing for such presentations is anything to go by, then I think this would be one good, productive year for JVP.:)

Mommies, Babies and Titas at the JVP Mission Mass

Joining the Force. After the mission mass and the traditional community salu-salo (that took us forever to get out of), I, together with Maits, May8, Dove and Kuyah Nikki (now also known as the post-JVP function gimmick group), finally got to watch Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. We probably were the last five people on the planet who have not seen this much celebrated movie event, but what the heck! Anyway, I admit that the film was a lot better than Episodes I & II, and it did answer a lot of the more obvious questions. Yet still, I like Episodes IV, V, and VI better, in terms of story and character development. But one thing has remained constant all throughout the years: Awesome, Yoda is! Adore him, I always will.:)

Sunday Specials

Soaring High. I got to see some of the Pathways/Alay Ni Ignacio (ANI) students again, all happy and dressed up during the commencement ceremonies of their ANI summer classes. The incoming seniors, in fact, look like they really are senior high school students already, ready to take on the world…or college, at least.:) “Soar With Us!” That has always been the ANI volunteers’ catchphrase. And judging by the kids’ excited faces that afternoon, I’m pretty sure they are taking those words of encouragement to heart.

Once On This Island. I got to watch another play; this time, it’s Actors’ Actors Inc.’s rendition of Flaherty and Ahrens’ Once On This Island. The musical was largely enjoyable, with its dynamic and vibrant Carribean-inspired score. It was a pleasant experience for me to discover that I could still hum along most of the songs, which Mark (my friend and former boss) used to play non-stop in the office. I was also half-amused while watching the performers because some of them reminded me of stuff not at all related to the show. For example, Jeffrey Hidalgo (who played Daniel) reminded me of Anj. Jett Pangan (who played the god of death) reminded me of May8. And Kuya Bodjie (of the Batibot fame) reminded me of, well, my childhood. Hehe.

Seriously though, the cast was immensely talented, and did an amazing job of giving life to their characters (save for one or two). The most powerful performance, perhaps, was that of Bituin Escalante (who played Asaka or Mother Earth). Her rendition of “Mama Will Provide” just brought the house down.

The real highlight of the show for me, however, was the final scene, where the young girl, originally the person for whom the story of TiMoune was told, now assumes the role of the story-teller, while the chorus sings:

"Our lives become the stories that we weave....
That is why we tell the story, why we tell the story.”

And then, the light dims, until the only thing that remains visible is the silhouette of the young girl animatedly telling the story of TiMoune to the islanders gathered around her. ‘Twas the perfect ending. Or should I say, the perfect beginning?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My ‘weekend’ got extended a bit to Monday, as I allowed myself to be dragged into attending the Pathways Orientation Seminar for the new JVP-Pathways volunteers. While the day was packed with serious talks on national and state-of-education situationers from the likes of Fr. Jojo Magadia and Mr. Leland dela Cruz no less, it was also one of those events that gave me a chance to catch up with my former officemates and spend time with the JVP-Pathways volunteers (Sabs, Tin, Benjoe and Jay).

Later in the evening, we all went to Harvey’s condo unit for a welcome dinner and barbeque in honor of the JVP-Pathways volunteers and Nikko, the new member of the Pathways staff who also happens to be a returning JVP volunteer (Batch 25). So yah, the JVP family in Pathways is growing! There are now six of us, all in all. And I have a feeling that it won't stop at six.:)

Nikko (JVP 25, center) shares about his JVP experience with
Benjoe, Sabs, Tin and Jay. Miko (ANI volunteer, far left) listens in.

“That is why we tell the story, why we tell the story.”

rock on, bo!

2005-05-27T02:18:00.000+08:00

Carrie Underwood might have convinced most of America that she’s the brightest star in American Idol this season. But to me (and I believe, to many others), Bo Bice IS the real deal. He may have been outvoted, but definitely not outclassed.

The thing is, Bo is not your usual idol-wannabe. He knows how to take risks, but at the same time remain true to who he is as an artist…a rock star through and through! Plus, he has an awesome stage presence that instantly engages his audience whenever he performs. His a cappella rendition of In A Dream a week ago is a shining example of what he is capable of. Moreover, he seems to be a genuine, down-to-earth person, but one who has experienced the world enough so as not to make the mistake of letting anyone just walk all over him. He is a class act indeed!

But America has decided. And it did not go for Bo. Oh well.

Throughout the course of the day, I've already heard all sorts of hypotheses on why Bo lost from different sources (i.e. friends, family, the Internet). But I think that ultimately, the deciding factor was that the original “Idol” songs this year (i.e. The Long, Long Road and Inside Your Heaven), which Bo had to sing for the final showdown, just weren’t all that good. The songs were just “blah,” and definitely not suited for him. It’s like, the composers just took a couple of cliché lines, threw them altogether, then put on some not-quite rock, not-quite country melody—and voila, they have a song! Or not. And what perplexed me even more about that final showdown was the fact that Bo was stuck singing those two crappy original songs, whereas Carrie got to choose a popular song (Guy Sebastian’s Angels Brought Me Here) for her last number. What was up with that? Anyway, I think that the better song selection for Carrie, in combination with the hint of vulnerability she displayed that evening, clinched the title for her. (I won’t even go into the various conspiracy theories pertaining to the selection of the winner. They are, after all, just specious rumors at this point.)

On the upside, at least Bo wouldn’t be forced to have Inside Your Heaven as his carrier single for his solo album. For that, I let out a sigh of relief. Hehehe.

But just for the record, even if the said song actually became his carrier single, I’d probably still buy his album anyway.:) As he has proven in the final showdown, he could make even an undistinguished song sound inspired. And I do believe that it's gonna take more than a couple of poorly-written pieces to stop Bo from rocking on!

send off

2005-05-18T02:07:00.000+08:00

If memory serves me right, I believe I’ve never missed even one JVP send-off mass (in the Manila Local Community) since I myself became a volunteer, uhm, 8 years ago. Things haven't really changed that much after all these years. During yesterday’s event, the same sending-off rituals were still practiced. The volunteer designated to talk on behalf of her batch still choked over her speech. Her mom likewise teared up as she delivered her own message on behalf of the parents, thus causing many others in the audience to cry along. After the mass, the volunteers’ parents, friends and loved ones still gathered for a simple “salu-salo” before finally sending off the new JVP batch to Sacred Heart Novitiate for their 10-day Orientation Seminar. The only difference was that this time around, the “salu-salo” was held in Cervini (whereas traditionally, it is usually held in the College Cafeteria), and that the bus arrived fashionably late, causing the volunteers and their well-wishers to wait for three hours in the sweltering heat!!! (Yes, their JVP year has really begun. Haha!)

Presenting...JVP Batch 26!!!

Hanging out with former ANI/Pathways volunteers,
who are now JVP volunteers as well.:)

Aside from a few minor departures from the usual practice, however, everything remained essentially the same. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to stay…after the mass, after the salu-salo, and way after the volunteers’ scheduled departure time has elapsed. I hung around until the volunteers and staff finally loaded the bus and made their way to Sacred Heart, no doubt singing the traditional JVP introductory song “Kantaloy” on the way. :)

I don’t know why I stayed. Or why I never miss this particular event every single year, in the first place. I guess I’ll never really get tired seeing the faces of the new batch of volunteers, still full of hope and youthful idealism. Perhaps, seeing them helps “older JVP folks” like me to guard ourselves against the characteristic cynicism and jadedness that besets many people of our generation. Or perhaps, seeing them just reminds us of the younger versions of ourselves and allows us to wax nostalgic about the year(s) when we exchanged our rose-tinted glasses for a more in-depth look of the stark reality around us.

In a way, I guess I look at this annual event (along with the mission mass), as my own personal renewal of my commitment to the path I’ve chosen to take in life. It is, in a very real sense, a reaffirmation of my own continuities. After all, my being JVP did not end with my year(s) of service as a volunteer.

And the journey continues…

going with the flow

2005-05-16T03:01:00.000+08:00

Another week has come and gone, and I still a-floatin’ in limbo between the data coding and data analysis stages of my research. With all the unanticipated stuff that had cropped up this past week, I ended up devoting a total of only about 2 ½ days for my thesis work.

As per usual, I planned on working on my backlog over the weekend. But, well, I guess my “inner kaladkarin” prevailed. Haha. Hence, Friday and Saturday nights, I found myself out on impromptu bonding sessions with my Pathways and JVP ‘framilies’ respectively. Then Sunday afternoon, I ended up catching up on my reading (the non-academic kind, of course).

Nothing went as planned. And I do not regret it one bit.:)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As much as I’d like to sit back and relax the next few days, however, reality says that I need to go back to my regularly scheduled programming ASAP. The month of June is fast approaching, which means I’m just counting weeks before crunch time.

Time. It is, indeed, living up to every cliché that has been said about it. It does fly fast. And it does entrap one into a challenging game of catch up. I myself have fallen into that trap countless of times.

Hopefully, in the coming days, I’d learn to fall right into pace with it again.

And I guess it doesn’t hurt either that I actually found a song that would remind me of such a bid. Here goes:

Time
by Chantal Kreviazuk

Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don’t go so fast
I’m missing the moments as they pass
Now I’ve looked in the mirror
And the world’s getting clearer
So wait for me this time.

I’m down, I’m down on my knees
I’m begging for all your sympathy
But you (I’m just an illusion)
You don’t seem to care (I wish that I could)
You humble people everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you).

Now I’ve looked in the mirror
And the world’s getting clearer
I’ll take what you give me
Please know that I’m learning
So wait for me this time.

I should’ve known better
I shouldn’t have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away.

Now, this is my time
And I’m going to make this moment mine
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)
I’ll take what you give me

Please know that I’m learning
I’ve looked in the mirror
My world’s getting clearer
So wait for me this time.

not your ordinary survey

2005-05-12T02:51:00.000+08:00

Not that I'm looking for more things to think about and analyze. But I stumbled upon this interesting survey which, as it turns out, was created by Inabear. It is dubbed as "the survey for people who actually think." Oohh...sounds intimidating. But it could be fun.:)

So, here are my answers:

1. What is your theme song for the day? “Perfect World” by Indigo Girls

My favorite lines from the song:

"We get to be a ripple in the water
We get to be a rock that's thrown..."

"We're swimming we're floating
And in this moment we are beholden
To what we've caused to what it takes
The one perfect world
Can we learn to live another way."

2. If you had a month to go anywhere and do anything, would you: a) go on a Mediterranean cruise, b) volunteer for the UN Commission on Refugees, or c) hang out with your favorite celebrity?

I’ve been on a cruise and I am not so much into celebrities. And I’m very much an advocate of volunteerism. So this is actually an easy choice for me. My answer is most definitely B!

3. Give a good reason for a person to be unfaithful to his/her spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend.

I really couldn’t think of one.

The question, however, got me thinking about a scenario wherein one party is a battered wife/husband/partner. Being in an abusive relationship could lead the said party to seek solace from another person, and then eventually develop feelings for the said person. A classic case of transference. Not that ‘infidelity’ is excusable in this situation...or in any situation for that matter. But I think I could understand why and how it could happen under those circumstances.

4. When your parents are old and senile, would you change their diapers? When you are old and senile, would you want your children to change your diapers?

I’d probably have to do this for my parents, especially since I am an only child. It’s the least I could do for them for putting up with all the crap I’ve been giving them all these years. Hehe.

IF I had children…then yes, maybe I’d let them change my diapers, but IF and ONLY IF they want too. (Hmm...too many ifs?)

5. If you met someone in prison who looks exactly like you, and by some strange contrivance, are given the chance to exchange places with that person for one day, would you do it? (there are no guarantees that your look-alike will return except her/his word for it and you can't get out of prison until he/she comes back)

It’s tempting to say yes, just for the experience. But after much thought, I believe I’d rather stay out of it. I value my freedom too much to take that risk. I mean, if ‘experience’ or ‘insight’ is all I’m after, I can always just look elsewhere…like in a UN refugee camp, perhaps?:)

6. What is the most exotic/unusual/disgusting-fear-factor-type food you have ever eaten?

Well, balut and durian are actually food stuff that have made an appearance in Fear Factor a couple of times. I’ve tried those, along with isaw (of course!), dinuguan, and frog legs, but I guess those wouldn’t be considered too unusual here in RP.

So I’d say that the ‘most exotic’ delicacy I’ve eaten would be kalderetang aso (dog). And I was only a kid back then!

7. Where's the farthest you've been from your home WITHIN your own country? How did you get there?

General Santos City in South Cotabato. I’ve been there several times, usually for work-related purposes. My first trip there was for an area visit when I was still part of the JVP staff. I got there by riding the bus from Davao. The last time I was there was for Pathways, to visit our new office in the area. I got there via a PAL fllight.

8. If you had to give up one of the following, which would you ABSOLUTELY NOT give up? a) eyesight b) hearing c) voice d) hands e) legs

A – Eyesight. This answer is largely influenced by my personal experience of how it is to be optically-challenged, so to speak. I was actually considered to be legally blind for most of my teen-age life. But that wasn’t really so much of a problem because I’ve been wearing contact lenses ever since I was 11 years old. When I was about 19, however, I had to undergo laser surgery for my eyes. My vision already reached the grade of 1,115 (left eye) /1,120 (right eye) by then. And beyond 1,200, laser surgery (at least, at that time) would not be 100% safe. So yes, I took a chance, and excitedly so, I might add.:)

The operation itself was painless. And normally, the post-operation stage should be too. However, because my grade was so high, the doctors had to make deep cuts in my cornea, resulting in wounds that took longer than usual to heal. Hence, my recovery period was especially more trying than those of the average patient’s. For at least 3 days, I literally couldn’t open my eyes because it was soooo unbelievably painful to do so! Imagine what it would be like if a knife scraped your eyes over and over. (Eeee!) That was how it felt like. But even when my eyes were closed, the 'scraped' and burning feeling wouldn't go away. The anesthesia eye drops I had did not help at all. I couldn’t sleep either because I was too conscious of the lingering pain. So basically, I just had to deal with it. I ate, took a bath, walked with my eyes closed!

I actually refer to those days as my “three days of darkness.” Usually, I mean it in the most literal sense and as some sort of a joke. (Back then, the term “three days of darkness” usually referred to the infamous “end of the world” scare.) I mean, I really did not see anything for 3 days, because my eyes were practically two open wounds! That was when I realized how much I valued my sense of sight. Without my eyesight, it was as if all my other senses just disappeared! Everything else takes so much effort to do or to understand. Hehe. I guess when one is placed in such a situation, the easiest thing to do is to just sit in a corner, and wait until everything gets better. In a sense, the “darkness” has the ability to disconnect you from the rest of the world and make you feel helpless. If you let it.

Come to think of it, in a weird sense, it was actually one of the coolest, most intense experiences I ever had as a teen-ager. Haha. Not that I’m a masochist or anything, but the ‘darkness’ did force me to dig deep into myself and reach into my innermost resources. And I found ways entertain myself too, like tuning in to an HBO movie feature and trying to re-create the scenes (or making up my own scenes) in my mind! Or trying to play the guitar without looking at the chords or the strings. It was a good way to practice, actually. Mwahaha. So yah, I guess losing one's eyesight (temporarily) has its, uhh, 'perks.' But let it be said that I never want to not be able to see the light of day again.:)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Okay, so my answers turned out to be longer than I expected. Overshare! Harhar. I guess the survey really does make one think. Thanks Inabear! Your survey certainly lived up to its name.:)

a midsummer reprieve

2005-05-09T22:13:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to start working on a training program with CORD this week. In fact, I’ve been looking forward to the said project for months now. First, it would give me a justifiable break from my thesis. (Harhar.) Second, I really could use a change of environment, since staying and working at home all day (and night) is really becoming a bit of a stretch for me. (Like I was telling my friends the other day, maybe my unease with the whole set-up isn’t brought about by the thesis work that I have to do per se, but by the idea of staying home, which I haven’t gotten used to yet.) Lastly, the said venture is work that I’d actually get paid for. And that definitely would be a first this year, since most of the work that I do with the organizations I am affiliated with are on a pro bono basis. Not that I’m abandoning my ideals of ‘championing the spirit of volunteerism’ and all that. All I’m saying that it would be nice to get compensated for your efforts once in a while.:)

So yah, as I was saying, I’ve been excited to take on this new project for the longest time. Until a week ago, that is. Why the change of sentiments? Well, mid-last week, I realized that I had underestimated the amount of time that should go into the coding of data for a qualitative research such as mine. Yup, after four months of living and breathing it, I’m still nowhere near being done with my thesis! And with the CORD project coming up, almost one whole month will have passed until I can get back to working on my thesis again, which will probably make me one ultra-harassed and haggard grad student the whole month of June! Hence, towards the end of last week, I was half-wishing to myself that the said project won’t push through, just so I could devote more time into tweaking my thesis data. Of course, I wasn’t really banking on that happening since I already made the commitment months ago.

Then Friday morning came…and with it, a text message from CORD saying that—yes, you guessed it right—the training program that I was supposed to handle got postponed! Boy, was I relieved. Talk about coincidence (i.e. me wishing it would get postponed, and then it did!). Or perhaps it’s just pure blind luck. But then again, maybe Somebody up there was listening and just giving me the leeway that I need (although not necessarily deserve) to finish my thesis.

Upon receiving that news, my mind latched on to two thoughts. I guess you could call them resolutions. The first one is that I really should make good use of the whole month of May and be as productive as I can so as not to put the ‘grace period’ that has been granted me to waste. The second one is that I should start saving more and spending less on r & r activities, since additional income won’t be coming in anytime soon.

Somehow, I suspect that the latter 'resolution', though more clear-cut, would be a lot more challenging to keep. Haha.

Good luck to me!:)

a framily affair

2005-05-02T12:40:00.000+08:00

framily \fram”i*ly\ (n.): 1) friends who are like family; 2) the family one chooses for oneself.

~*~*~*~*~

Saturday: 'Despedida' for the Kennedys

The past two days made for such an extraordinary *framily* weekend. I spent it with the circle of friends who, for all intents and purposes, have become more like family to me all these years.

Saturday, in particular, was especially a memorable day for me. It was the last day of Whel, her husband Shaun, and their little big bundle of joy, Ceira, in the Philippines. I played host to them the entire day, from the moment that their plane arrived from Bicol in the morning, to the time that they checked-in for their flight to Ireland in the late afternoon. In between those times, some of our closest friends came over to my place over lunch to spend some time with Whel and her beautiful family. That truly became the perfect opportunity for us to catch up with each other…and to pig out a bit (okay, a lot).:) Note to said friends: Sorry for tempting you away from your diet. Teehee.

The Framily (minus a few others)

Yaya Sisters

Everyone, of course, was happy to see Whel. The real star of the day, however, was lovely little Ceira, that 6-month old scene stealer that is Whel’s baby. We all just couldn’t take our eyes off her! She’s such a darling, what with her chubby cheeks (just like her mum’s) and pleasant disposition (just like her dad’s). I am not the least bit domesticated, but I wouldn’t mind becoming a nanny for a day for a baby as adorable as this one:

Little Ceira with Mummy Whel and Tita Za

Is it feeding time yet?

Too bad Whel and family are leaving. Too bad for us who’ll be missing them, that is. But great for them, really. They’ll be beginning a new life back in

. And a new beginning is always a good thing. For The Kennedys, the best is yet to come.:)

So long, Kennedys!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sunday: JVP-Manila Volunteers' Pre-Orsem

The *framily* thing extended over to Sunday, during the (second and last day of the) JVP Pre-Orsem of the 26th batch of volunteers from Manila. As per usual, the said occasion became the perfect excuse for us, the former volunteers, to get together and reminisce about our own JVP experiences (and then celebrate some more over dinner and a movie after the event...hehe). And so, although I did have to do a bit of work (i.e. documentation) for the day, I was just really glad to be with the larger JVP family again and to get to know the new volunteers and their families.

At one point during the seminar, I thought to myself: It’s been 8 years since I myself went through the pre-orsem! At that time, I thought it would only be a one-year thing. And so…why I am still here, involved in JVP’s affairs, after all these years?

And then, towards the end of the event, as the former and current volunteers, their families and friends gathered for the Holy Mass, that ‘ole sense of community crept its way back to me again. And yes, I was reminded of the answer to my own question (which, I guess, I knew all along)... It is with this group of people that I am most myself. It is here where I feel most at home.

the only time i'd wear a gown...

2005-04-25T00:55:00.000+08:00

…is when a good friend of mine ties the knot. (And only if that good friend specifically requests me to wear one.)

Well, yesterday was one of those rare times. My good friend, Kat, got married. And of course, I didn’t have the heart to say no to her request for me to wear a gown, or to be part of her entourage for that matter. Although the former (wearing a gown) is personally an ordeal for me, the latter (being part of the entourage) is really quite an honor. Unfortunately, these two always go hand in hand.

I must say, however, that seeing Kat and her now-husband Kelly all happy and glowing during yesterday’s ceremonies was worth all the hassle of dressing up like a girly-girl for a day. I mean apart from the bit about having to walk around dragging this sort-of-a-train attached to the back of my gown (and in high heels at that), or having to find something to do in the 3 ½ hour interval between the end of the wedding and the beginning of the reception (thank goodness for the company of friends!), and for having to sit through a 3 hour dinner (which continued on even after the program has ended), the wedding was truly a beautiful one. It was really well-prepared and coordinated. It was formal and elegant but not lacking in spontaneity either. Not bad for a supposedly “traditional Chinese” wedding. How they did the program was creative and original too. One guest commented that it was a bit over the top. Maybe. But at least you could never call it boring.:)

Also, I must say I was pleasantly surprised to have received two “ampaws” (red letter envelopes)—one each from the side of the bride and of the groom. Apparently, it is a tradition among Chinese families to bestow monetary gifts upon members of their sons’ and daughters’ wedding entourage. Well, I’m not usually a fan of traditional wedding rituals (especially NOT the bouquet-throwing, garter-fitting bit). But I must admit, this “ampaw” thing is one tradition that works for me. Hehe.

Over all, it was a red letter day indeed!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On other news: I was watching flipping through channels a while ago when a teaser in Studio 23 caught my eye…Desperate Housewives coming in May! Oh. My. Gawd. I didn’t see that coming! I was literally jumping up and down with glee. And I thought just a few days ago that it wouldn’t see the light of day in the Philippines. Not this soon anyway. For once, I’m actually glad to be proven wrong. Harhar.

Hmmm…methinks more red letter days are yet to come!

i finally decided...

2005-04-19T20:22:00.000+08:00

…to crawl out from the rock that I’ve been hiding under for the last little while.

Not that I’ve been hiding, really. I was just busy watching episodes of The L Word and Desperate Housewives on DVD, courtesy of Maita and her brothers. The good thing is, I was finally able to see for myself what the hype is all about regarding these two shows (and why they won’t ever see the light of day in the Philippines). The not-so-good news is…I’m hooked! Hence, most of my free time for the past two weeks was spent either digging up additional info on the aforementioned shows or watching and re-watching those downloaded episodes. As if I needed additional sources of distraction in my life right now! Hehe. So yeah, something’s gotta give. And in this case, my blogging time was it.

However, as much as I would like to totally immerse myself in the tangled webs that the compelling (albeit fictional) characters of these TV shows weave, I had my own webs of reality to weave and/or disentangle these past two weeks. A bridal shower (from conceptualization to implementation), a funeral (not counting that of Pope JPII’s on TV…hehe), a birthday celebration, a baptism, a youth conference, visits to Payatas, the usual meetings, and (yeah, yeah) some thesis-writing—these are some of the highlights of the past couple of days in my own life’s saga.

This makes me realize how my life pales in comparison with the lives of those charming housewives of Wisteria Lane and those gorgeous L.A. lezzies on TV. Harhar. But then again, this is my reality. And it is the reality that I choose for myself. A life that is simple and without (a whole lot of) complications, but still with its own occasional twists and turns. Hence, at the end of the day, I’m just thankful that I have a reality to call my own…one that, fortunately, gives me enough reason NOT to hide from the world-out-there and lose myself in la-la-land.:)

not 'goodbye,' but 'thank you'

2005-04-04T01:07:00.000+08:00

I spent most of yesterday in Quezon (and the rest of it on the road) to extend my sympathies to my good friend Rheatia, who just lost her mom due to lung cancer. Known to us as Tita Pat, I’ll always remember Rhaetia’s mother as a “super woman” who always exuded warmth and hospitality, and made us feel right at home whenever we would visit their Lucena residence. Hence, the news of her passing away came to me as a surprise. I didn’t even know that she was ill! It turns out that the cancer, already in its advanced stages, was only discovered three months ago. Needless to say, it its way fast into her system. At least she didn’t suffer long….

Given the situation, I was expecting to arrive at their family residence and witness utter devastation among the people there who knew and loved Tita Pat. Instead, I found joyous people who celebrated her life in lieu of grieving over her unexpected demise. They did not dwell on their loss, but instead drew so much inspiration from the love and compassion that they have shown them during their lifetime. They, too, found comfort and warmth in each other’s company, hence making the burden of their beloved matriarch’s death easier to bear.

*~*~*~*~*

In other parts of the globe, people of different races and creeds have also been mourning the loss of a patriarch, a role model, a friend. After struggling through his illnesses for so long, our beloved Pope John Paul II has finally commended his spirit to his Creator. He has left our world for a better place.

But then again, he did not leave us empty-handed. He taught us the values of human dignity, peace, and unity where there was war, dissent and strife. He sought to look into the commonalities in the different faiths where most of the world only saw the irreconcilable differences in them. He believed in the youth, and in other minority groups, whereas others would have just ignored the contribution of these sectors to society at large. He was arguably a greater leader and moral authority than perhaps all of the present political leaders combined could ever hope to be. And even in his very death, he has breathed new life into the Church and brought the peoples of the world together.

We mourn his death. But we also celebrate his life. We commemorate it, and hopefully, we’ll learn from it. No, he did not leave us empty-handed. His legacy of compassionate service has been passed on to us. It is now up to us to make it a reality in our own little worlds, our own humble lives.

*~*~*~*~*

I mourn for a friend who lost a mother. I mourn for a world that has lost a father. But even then, I am joyful for these two souls, for they are now able to rest in God’s loving embrace. I celebrate and bask in the legacy of loving service that each of them has shared with the world, and which continue to touch the lives of many.

And so, as they move on to a better place, It’s not goodbye I wish to say but thank you for showing us how to live.

name game

2005-04-02T22:39:00.000+08:00

i picked up on this through anj. kewl!

Pia Gonzalez Ortiz-Luis's Aliases

Your movie star name: Chips Reynaldo

Your fashion designer name is Pia London

Your socialite name is Princess New York

Your fly girl / guy name is P Ort

Your detective name is Fish St. Scho

Your barfly name is Cornicks Vodka

Your soap opera name is Gonzalez Jose Abad Santos

Your rock star name is Mentos Rocketship

Your star wars name is Piaraj Ortkat

Your punk rock band name is The Relaxed Tampoon

The Amazing Meganame Generator

ch-ch-changes

2005-04-01T01:34:00.000+08:00

I’m glad I caught the replay of Crime Scene Investigation (CSI)’s 100^th episode Wednesday night (or Thursday early, early morning actually). After watching Ms. Congeniality 2 with my fabulous girl friends, and catching the late night replays of American Idol and Amazing Race 7 respectively, I was actually ready to call it a night. But at 2:00am, when I realized that CSI’s milestone episode was on, I couldn’t resist watching it.

The episode entitled Ch-ch-changes, like most other CSI episodes, started out with a murder. This time, the victim was a Las Vegas showgirl who goes by the name Wendy Clancy. While trying to establish the woman’s identity, Gil Grissom’s team uncovers that she was really a he. Wendy was really a Walter.

Okay, so that certainly got my attention and kept me wide awake.=)

The twists and turns of the case thereafter offered the audience a peak into the lives of transgenders in Las Vegas. In keeping with the CSI tradition, the story was masterfully told, with its riveting plot and showcase of clever forensics. But more than that, it was a real eye-opener in that it went beyond the usual stereotypical portrayal of trannies either as promiscuous individuals or as cross-dressing impersonators who provide good entertainment at night-clubs. (Funny, because that’s how they were portayed in Ms. Congeniality, which I watched just a few hours before I tuned in to CSI.) Rather, it dug deep into the realities that confront them as they adjust to the ch-ch-changes in their life that accompanied the changes in their bodies. As Grissom told a MTF (male-to-female) transgender in the episode, “It isn’t about sex, it is about soul.” He goes on to say: “People often confuse your obsession with sexuality as an obsession with sex.” Hmm, never thought of it that way before, but yeah, he has a point there.

The said episode also reminded me of a Season 4 episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit entitled Fallacy. Much like CSI’s Ch-ch-changes, Fallacy was about the case of a girl named Cheryl Avery (played by Katherine Moennig) who was actually a man due for gender re-assignment surgery, but who fell victim to circumstances before s/he saw his/her dream to completion. In both stories, it would not be difficult to sympathize—and perhaps empathize—with the victims’ characters, as they represented the transgenders in society. Whereas their greatest desire is to achieve full expression of who they really are, the sad reality is that some of them never truly gain full acceptance of the people they love the most. They are forever subject to the larger society’s unfair judgment, no matter how “open-minded” and “tolerant” society deems itself to be. Like Dr. Robbings said to Grissom in the said episode: “They (transgendered individuals) are ready for the world, but is the world ready for them?

Those are points that deserve to be pondered indeed. Sad, yes, but powerful and moving too. It is these kinds of stories that make you think and make you want to challenge existing social constructs that simultaneously defines and limits “what” and “how” people ought to be.

Perhaps we could learn a thing or two from oysters. Yes, oysters. As Grissom says in the final scene of the episode:

“There are two types of male oysters, and one of them can change genders at will. And before man crawled out of the muck, maybe he had the same option. Maybe originally we were supposed to be able to switch genders, and being born with just one sex…is a mutation.”

For the record, I am happy to be a woman. But mostly, I am happy just to BE. To be myself, be the person that I choose to be. At the end of the day, that’s what counts the most. And if I were to be an oyster, I’d probably be just as happy as well.=)

this day

2005-03-27T23:20:00.000+08:00

For weeks now, I have been talking about getting myself a "Lurv-Pia Day". Well, what do you know? It finally happened. Today, Easter Sunday.

The day started out like any ordinary Sunday would. I went to mass with the family, then had brunch with them at the Pancake House. And then the day…my day really began. Since there were still a couple of hours left of the morning, I decided to get myself a haircut. Summer’s fast approaching, and I really could do with a trim. Nothing drastic really…but it immensely improved my spirits.=)

Leaving the salon, I passed by Filbar’s, a magazine and used books shop. I decided to go in to check out the magazines, but ended up buying a used book entitled Sex and Gender–An Introduction by Hilary M. Lips. It’s actually a text book for Social Science students, particularly those who are into Women’s Studies. As if I needed more academic text to read! Hehe. But well, the topic is truly of interest to me. It’s an advocacy of mine really. Plus, the book costs next to nothing (P 30.00!). So yeah, it was a worthwhile buy.

Happy with my purchase, I proceeded to my next destination: Seattle’s Best. When I was still working full-time, I told my officemates that the first thing I’d do when I quit my job would be to just hang out the coffee shop by myself all day, and lose myself in the pages of a good book, without having to worry about work. Well, in my almost four months of being “gainfully unemployed,” I’ve never actually gotten around to doing that. Until this day, that is. So yeah, I did the works—ordered my Javakula Chai Tea, got myself a couch in the corner, and read my book. (In keeping with the Holy Week-Easter theme, I originally planned to re-read Darrell Bock’s Breaking the Da Vinci Code, which I brought with me. But well, Ms. Lips’ book kind of stole my attention and held it too. So I read on sex and gender instead. Harhar.) After about two hours, I realized that sitting around in a coffee house (without the company of friends) is probably not my cup of tea (although I enjoyed it while it lasted). And so I took off and decided to continue on with my reading at home.

On my way home, I passed by National Bookstore to buy a couple of DVD-R’s that I would have to give to Maita in order for her brothers to burn me the first season episodes of The L Word (yay for Maits and her bros!). As I was paying, the cashier pointed out to me that I already had an E-Purse of P 430.00 on my Laking National card and I could actually use it to purchase anything without having to shell out money. Gosh, wasn't I thrilled to hear that! Actually, twice before, I’ve been told by the cashiers about the amount in my E-Purse, but I never really gave it much thought then. I figured I’d just let it accumulate until it gets big enough one day to actually allow me to purchase a book. Well that one day has finally come. The timing is perfect actually. It just so happened that I’ve been eyeing Dean Koonz’s The Taking for months now, and I knew it was just a matter of days before I finally bought it. The only thing that was stalling me was the fact that there are about 4 more books piled up on my bedside table, waiting to be read by me. Budgetary-wise as well, getting a new book was not a high priority item. Well, thanks to my E-Purse, I could throw all those reasons-for-stalling out the window.=)

I got home mid-afternoon. That gave me time enough to continue my leisure reading on an academic text (yah I know, I’m weird), watch Finding Neverland on DVD (while wrapping my books, new and old, with plastic cover), re-watch my Lilith's Fair DVD, and listen to my old tapes (bought at a time when CDs were not yet known to humankind), before I called it a day.

One of the tapes that got resurrected from its 10-year burial in the drawer was 10,000 Maniac's Our Time In Eden. I’d almost forgotten how much I liked this band! Listening to them was like being tesseracted back to my college days.=) And the best thing about it was that the following song (which makes for a good night cap), in fact, very aptly captures the spirit of this day…of these days really:

These Are Days
10,000 Maniacs

These are days you’ll remember.
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this.
And as you feel it, you’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky.
It’s true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you.

These are days you’ll remember.
When May is rushing over you with desire
To be part of the miracles you see in every hour.
You’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky.
It’s true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you.

These are days…

These are the days
You might fill with laughter until you break.
These are days you might feel a shaft of light
Make its way across your face.
And when you do you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning.
It’s true, you’ll know how it was meant to be.
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking to you, to you.

It's such an “Easter song,” don’t you think? =)

stepping back

2005-03-26T01:13:00.000+08:00

Every year, from the time when I attended my first five-day Holy Week retreat way back in my sophomore year in college, it has become sort of a tradition for me to embark on a yearly retreat or recollection in observance of Lent. It was not a conscious decision on my part to make it into an annual practice. It just sort of happened that way.

This year, however, I am breaking tradition. And yes, it was conscious choice on my part. Until two weeks ago, I was contemplating on attending the Triduum Retreat for ADMU Alumni—the same one that I’ve been attending for the past three years. However, after much thought, I decided not to push through with it. No, I do not have any dramatic reasons for not going. (I wish. Hehe.) My main reason actually had to do with the practical side of it all. By "practical", I mean that by not going on retreat, I could: 1) work on unfinished tasks during the Lenten break, and; 2) save up the money that I would have allotted for the retreat fee. Moreover, I figured that I could just go back to the prayer points I have acquired from the retreats that I’ve been to in the past years, and go through them by myself. After all, self-directed retreats are not very uncommon these days.

And so, using the prayer points from the most recent Triduum retreats I have attended, I went on with my self-directed pseudo-retreat beginning yesterday, Holy Thursday. Since originally, the said retreats ran from 8:00 a.m.-12:00 n.n. (for three days), I decided to go with the half-day schedule as well for my present retreat. So yeah, these days, I am usually in a reflective mood in the morning, then back to my preoccupation with my thesis work in the afternoon. Works for me. I’m getting the best of both worlds. (Or so I thought.)

The problem with undergoing a self-directed retreat, however, is that one could so easily fall into distraction, especially when one does it in one’s own room where everything—the computer, the phone, the bed—is accessible. Even as I reflected, I was letting the “things that I was supposed to do after my prayer period” bother me and get the best of me. The result? Muddled thoughts and half-hearted forays into the Passion story. Which, I guess, defeats the purpose of going through the pseudo-retreat in the first place.

To go on retreat is to step back—from our busy words and our scheduled lives—in order for us to look into ourselves and where we are standing at present. And I guess, as long as my mind is engaged in many things, I will not be able to give my full attention to that which I should be tuning in these days.

Well, the good news is, it’s not yet over. I still have time to step back, in order for me to move forward. And for me, "moving forward" means moving from merely letting myself go through the Passion story, to letting the Passion story go through me. I believe that the latter is what the whole Lenten season should be about.

"L" week

2005-03-21T03:50:00.000+08:00

Lovely. Just lovely. That’s how I would describe my “find” last Saturday afternoon.

I was actually supposed to be on my way home from a function at a new arts and sciences high school in Cainta, when I made a spur of the moment decision to stop by the mall to look for: 1) a computer program that would help me content analyze my thesis documents; and 2) Robbie William’s latest CD for a friend. I found neither. Instead, I chanced upon something that I totally didn’t expect, but which more than made up for my unsuccessful attempts to find the 2 items I had to buy. And this was it:

Yup, yup…The L Word Season 1 soundtrack! I didn’t even know they were already (legally) distributing it here in RP, so imagine my delight upon finding a copy of it in the record bar. Now, I’m not usually an impulsive shopper (far from it). But when I saw the OST, I grabbed it at once and didn’t even think twice about buying it.

To start with, I’ve been wanting to get hold of a copy of the The L Word (TLW) Season 1 DVD for months now, in vain. Admittedly, my primary reason for wanting to watch the show is to see one of its cast members, Katherine “Kate” Moennig, who I have been drawn to ever since I watched her on the short-lived WB series Young Americans about 4 years ago, mainly because she is so refreshingly different from most of the actresses that we see in Hollywood these days. She is the epitome of androgyny, which I’ve always thought to be beautiful and compelling. Anyway, in TLW plays, Kate plays the heartbreaker in a group of women who happen to like other women. Intriguing, eh? That alone is reason enough to make me want to watch the show. But eventually, when I learned more about The L Word—its plot, its storyline, its characters—I got more and more interested in the show itself. The problem is, there is no chance in “L” (pun intended) that a show that tackles sensitive issues with respect to the lesbian community will get picked up here in RP. So yeah, I am pretty much resigned to the fact that my only chance to watch it, if at all, is by getting myself a DVD copy of it. That, however, is proving difficult nowadays. I’ve heard that even bootleggers in Quiapo and Greenhills ran out of copies already. Oh where, o where are the pirated DVDs when you need them? Hehe.

And that is essentially why I was excited about buying soundtrack. After all, it was practically the only thing L Word-related that I could avail of in this country. So yeah, I’ve been playing the CD without let-up these past couple of hours.=) To be honest, the general mood of the album is different from what I expected. I would think that the OST from a show like The L Word would have a somewhat edgier feel to it. But other than that, I am happy with the collection of songs in the album. Indie rock tracks were interspersed with more classic jazzy tunes. A good mix. And personally, I’ve taken to 3 of the songs already (i.e. The Murmurs’ Genius, Lucinda William’s Right In Time, and Rufus Wainwright’s Hallelujah). So yeah, it was a lovely buy, regardless of whether or not it is the only L Word merchandise I had access to.=)

Anyway, I think I might have been playing the said CD for the past couple of hours a bit too much, because late this afternoon I suddenly got myself into thinking about L words that would somehow encapsulate the week that was. Here is what I came up with:

L is for Lamay. I’ve been working overtime to finish my focus group discussion (FGD) transcriptions these past days, sometimes until the wee-hours of the morning. This is mainly because I had to show samples of the transcript to my adviser, who is leaving for the US very soon and won’t be back until June. Since I have limited time in which to consult with her, I have to have all my data finalized a.s.a.p. in order for us to figure out the best way to analyze them before she leaves town. So yeah, my eyes have become watery from staring in the computer for too long, and my fingers are stiff, not just from typing, but also from having to repeatedly press the pause and play buttons of the tape recorder for days on end. It’s painstaking work, really—it is about 4x as ardous and takes 8x as much time as conducting the actual FGDs themselves. So yah, add long and laborious to the list of adjectives too.=)

L is for Lamon. These past months, people have been commenting that I seem to be losing some weight. Since I’ve not been dieting and have actually stopped my jogging routine since the year began, I surmised that the weight loss was due to the fact that I have not been eating snacks in-between meals since I resigned from my full-time job. (I realized just now how much food we had in Pathways. That is one office where food and work go together. Hehe.) This week, however, I observed a change in my eating patterns. These past days, I would find myself grabbing a bite of bread, crackers, chips (or whatever is available) while doing my work in front of the computer. Hmm...that, I believe, is a sure sign that my stress levels are going up. Not good. Not good at all.

L is for Laklak. For some reason, my gimmick nights for the past how many weeks have involved inuman sessions. This Friday’s Batch 18 get-together was no exception. The party, held at VJ and Adiel’s residence in Ayala Heights, was actually a super belated celebration of my partner J’s birthday. And in true JVP 18 fashion, drinks (mudslide and vodka this time) were part of the mix. Of course, jokes (all-new, mean-spirited ones!) and boisterous laughter spiced up the bash even more. And all these took place, of course, as J’s fave songs played in the background. Think Basil Valdez meets VST meets Jason Mraz meets Matchbox 20 meets Bukas Palad. What a combination! Haha.

L is for Lustay. Not that I have money to spend. But what little I had, I spent anyway. Much of my budget for the week went into the photocopying of books for my thesis which I had to return to the library last Friday, the day before the semestral break. I feel that it was a waste because if I had read and copied all the important parts of the books earlier on (instead of renewing my right to use them every two weeks), I wouldn’t have had to pay extra for the photocopies. Oh well. At least those are for my thesis. My next biggest expenses for the week were just plain luho. I bought CDs, all kinds of them —The L Word soundtrack, a music CD for my friend, a stack of blank CDs (for my video and image files which are taking up too much of my PC space already), and VCDs of movies that I plan to watch in the next few days (rented from the neighborhood video store). Good thing I mostly eat at home nowadays. That way, i get to save up on my food budget most of the time.=)

L is for Lanta. After the all-nighters this week (whether from thesis-related or gimmick-related activities), THIS is how I feel now. Wilted, like a dry leaf. Actually, my friend Solvie has an even better L word for that: lantutay. It does not sound so nice, but it sure conjures up the right image of “wiltedness”. Hehe.

Nevertheless, I’d like to think that there’s still a lot of life in me these days. The “wilting” is just temporary. Maybe I just need to get some sleep.=)

And seriously, I better start working on Solar Eclipse’s suggestion of scheduling a Lurv-Pia Day. Now that’s one L word I should be taking to heart!=)

template make-over

2005-03-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

My blog friends are probably wondering why I changed my template. Solar Eclipse, in particular, expressed that she missed the old one. The easy answer really is that I wanted to achieve a template look that was “more me.” However, as of now, I have no choice but to pick one out of Blogger’s ready-made templates, until I find the time to develop my own.

Not that I didn’t like the previous one that I used...the one that depicted the harbor scene. It was visually fine, except that somehow, I was not entirely comfortable with it. I mean, earth, more than wind or water, has always been my strongest element. And I wanted that to come out in my blog. Hence, I switched to an old predictable blue one…just like old predictable me. I guess I’m just not as bold as May8 to color my blog (and my world) pink. Harhar.

Still, I’m still not satisfied with this present template somehow. So, I’m calling the month of March to be an experimental period for my blog. I wouldn’t be surprised if, one of these days, I decide to switch yet again to another template, or perhaps revert back to the old one.

Right now, my blog template is a work in progress. Like I am.

goodbye, colayco!

2005-03-14T20:05:00.000+08:00

"Don't they always seem to go, but you don't know what you got 'til it’s gone..." ~ Joni Mitchell, Big Yellow Taxi

I got this email from our college batch’s yahoogroups late last week:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Who would have though that one day soon, we will bid good old Colayco Hall a bittersweet goodbye...

On the 11th of March 2005, Friday, 6:30 in the evening, at the COLAYCO Pavilion, join us as we pay tribute to the good old building that sheltered us all, gave us comfort, and nurtured our young and fragile minds and hearts...

back when we were in the process of knowing ourselves...back when we had nothing but dreams, back when we treasured nothing but real friendships, the only silent witness was her...

Colayco Hall takes her final bow...to give way to The New Ateneo Student Center.

11 March 2005
Friday, 6:30 pm
Colayco Pavilion
Loyola Schools, Ateneo de Manila University

Attire: Cocktails/Corporate

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It’s amazing to see (judging from the response that the abovementioned email got) how a lot of the alumni waxed nostalgic over the news of the demolition of an old school building. But then again, for many of us, it was more than an old structure, but—as cheesy as it may sound—a place where dreams were born and took flight. I mean, Colayco (the ACIL Room in particular) was practically my home for 4 years! Hence, in a very real sense, it’s a storehouse of memories of happy, hectic, and youthful days gone by.

Too bad I wasn’t able to witness the “tribute” last Friday. (It coincided with a play in CSB that my good friend starred in, and which will henceforth not be mentioned here because of the oath that I made to said friend not to publish it online.) Nevertheless, I promised myself to pay my last visit to good ole’ Colayco before it gets torn down sometime this week.

Yesterday, I got my chance to catch a final glimpse of the hall, and to take some pictures of it (such as the one above) for posterity. When I saw it, I realized that nothing but the edifice itself, as well as some mini-posters declaring the demolition, remained of Colayco. I learned from a friend that the signages and what-have-yous were actually auctioned off during last Friday’s ceremonies. Hence, where it was a bustling place full of activity and laughter and new ideas, it really has come down to being an old abandoned building…for now at least.

I realized, however, that I am not at all sad about the prospect of losing Colayco Hall to a new building. After all, what will be torn down is the structure…not the memories, not the dreams, not the spirit of genuine friendship. And really, at the end of the day, it is the essence of the thing (or in this case, the hall), and not the thing itself, that truly matters.

lovely little ceira

2005-03-14T06:58:00.000+08:00

Meet my godchild Ceira Villar-Kennedy, 4 months old. Isn’t she just heaven to look at? She got her chubby cheeks from her mom, my good friend Whel, and her snow-white complexion from her Irish dad, Shaun. She was made in

Tanzania

(since both Shaun and Whel were based there before they moved to RP), born in Iriga (Bicol), and will probably grow up in

Wales

. How’s that for multi-ethnicity?

womyn's day

2005-03-08T21:31:00.000+08:00

“A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her…but a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.” ~ anon

I know that to a lot of people, March 8 is just another day in the calendar. But for me, it’s a red-letter day. It is, after all, Women’s Day! (Or should I say Womyn's Day?) This day, to me, is perhaps akin to what Valentine’s Day is to many. (V-Day does not mean anything to me, but W-Day does.) Women’s Day is MY day. It is not some overrated, way-too-commercial event. Rather, it’s personal. But then again, sometimes what’s most personal is most universal. Women issues and concerns, by and large, are essentially the same in any country you go to, only perhaps differing in how they are concretely manifested in specific contexts.

So how did I spend the day? Just doing my stuff the best I can. No frills. No trimmings. Just plain me and my craft. And I liked it that way.

wow: week of wonders

2005-03-06T11:49:00.000+08:00

The first week of March is about to end. Unexpectedly, it turned out to be one of my most favorite weeks since the year started. Here are some of the reasons why:

1) Power Shot – At the start of the week, I was pleasantly surprised to find a box bearing the Canon label in my bedroom. What do you know…it’s a digicam, courtesy of my balikbayan aunt from New York! Since I’m on penny-pinching mode these days, I sort of brushed aside any thoughts of getting myself a digicam any time soon. Lucky me, my aunt-cum-fairy-godmother came to town! I got my wish without me having to ask for it.=)

2) Lost and Found – Monday morning, I went to the JVP Office and was greeted with the glad news that my Harry Potter 5 book has been returned to the JVP House…just when I thought it’s lost to me forever! Whew. Now, all I have to do is claim it. (Crossing my fingers that it’s still where it’s supposed to be when I retrieve it.)

3) The Road to Obando and Navotas – This week, I spent almost 7 hours on the road, and had a change of public transportation modes 21 times, just to be able to conduct two one-and-a-half-hour-long focus group discussions (FGD) with the staff and beneficiaries of Philippines Agency for Community and Family (PACAF). Initially, I even thought the FGDs would not push through. That’s ‘coz the first time I went to the PACAF Office on Monday afternoon, half of the staff who were supposed to participate in my study went home early! Hence, I ended up spending most of Monday afternoon on the road, and only about 20 minutes in the PACAF Office. Oh well.

I, of course, agreed to go back the next day for two separate sessions with the PACAF beneficiaries in Obando, and with the staff in Navotas. However, come Tuesday morning, I received a call from the executive director who was asking to postpone the scheduled FGDs to Wednesday (she could not make the rounds and accompany me that day due to a bad stomach. Well, how could I say no to her when I was the one asking her a favor in the first place? So yeah, I said, Wednesday it is.

And so, Wednesday came, with me half-expecting a call from PACAF telling me that the FGDs will be delayed once more due to some fortuitous circumstance. But no such call came. Breathing a sigh of relief, I met with the director (at 7-11 Monumento, no less), and then finally went to Panghulo, Obando, Bulacan for a session with the PACAF beneficiaries. The settlement—which is located by the river, and is just recovering from a massive fire that destroyed most of the residents’ houses and belongings—is vaguely reminiscent of Baseco, Tondo. The stories of the residents about the harsh realities of their everyday existence were heartbreaking, and reminded me once more of why I want to work with communities in the grassroots level. So yes, more than just providing answers to my FGD questions, the locals of Panghulo, Obando gave me something of essence to ponder and think about.

After our amazing P20.00 lunch (can you believe that?!) in one of the carinderias in Panghulo, we proceeded to the PACAF office in Navotas, which is actually the old house of the Pardo de Tavera clan, built more than 130 years ago. It is in one of the antique tables and under the intricately-carved wooden roof of the receiving room, that I conducted the FGD with the staff.

By mid-afternoon, I left Navotas, bringing with me new learnings that go beyond my thesis topic. Thus, I could truly say that at the end of the day, the long roads leading to Obando and Navotas were well worth the travel.

4) Winner Wednesday - After Navotas and Obando, the next stops for me were two “dinner dates.” The first one was with the Pathways Education Development Unit volunteers at Yellow Cab-Katipunan. Good pizza + good company = one heck of a good time! And of course, moments like those are the perfect excuse to bring out a never-before-used camera. Haha. Anyway, this was how the captured “moment” looks like:

Dinner with Pathways volunteers at Yellow Cab

At around 8pm, I was off to another dinner get-together, this time with the Batch 18 gang, at Recipes in Eastwood. The mini-reunion was in honor of batchmate Fr. Jun who left his beloved Dumagete for a couple of few weeks to take his comprehensive exams (which he, as expected, passed with flying colors!) in ADMU. As in any Batch 18 gathering, laughter (loud, loud laughter) and endless banter were part of the equation. Things got stirred up even more as the group moved to a bar (called Gweilos something) where VJ and Joey (my drinking mentors!) worked on getting all of us overly-acquainted with Jack Daniel's. The result? More loud laughter, more pitiless banter, and a little bit of jigging to the beat of some really cool 80’s music, ensued.=) Here’s proof of the fun:

The more sober part of the evening (Dinner at Recipes)

TSP ...JVP 18 Style: "Toma, Sigarilyo, Pulutan"

Fr. Jun's girls

Looks like the winning Wednesday streak is back!

5) Friday High – As part of its silver anniversary celebration, JVPFI held a fund raising concert entitled "Pinoy Tayo!" featuring Bamboo last Friday, March 4, at the ADMU High School Covered Courts. The show itself was rockin’, although I wish the (somewhat youngish) crowd was a bit larger. In any case, Bamboo Mañalac, the band’s lead vocalist, was his usual energetic self and rendered another livewire performance.

Bamboo and Ira doing their thing

Bamboo was really a gracious guest too, staying behind for photo opps (and “pahabol” autograph-signing) with the JVP peeps. Hence, he did not break any hearts, like some of the other band members did. Just ask May8.

Bamboo with (what's left of) the JVP Delegation

For me, however, what made the evening special was the company of good friends, some of whom I haven’t seen for the longest time. That made having to stand all night, and with an empty stomach at that, worth my while.

The Central Office Gals (circa 2001-2003) together again!

Anyway, the show started late but ended up early (by rock concert standards). But of course, for some of us, the night was just beginning. At around 11:00 pm, Trina, Kangirl, Eiza, TQ, Maits, Gil, May8, Lester, Wing, Anj (with her Jan), and I headed over to a Libis joint for some soul-satisfying pasta. Then, still on a rockin’ mood, some of us spent the next 3 to 4 hours singing our hearts out at the next-door KTV. The perfect night cap, for a perfect week.

*******************
As I write this, another week is about to begin. I’m crossing my fingers that it will be as fruitful and colorful as the week that was. But then again, might be that’s asking for too much.=)

remembering rose

2005-02-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

This morning, I received this text from my good friend Tin: “I just finished lighting a candle for Nanay at St. Jude…It’s amazing how much I miss her even after 4 years.”

“Nanay” here pertains to a dear, dear friend who has become a big part of the lives of many people I know. Her name was Rose. She passed away on February 28, 2001, a couple of hours after serving as a Eucharistic Minister in the community Ash Wednesday Mass at ADMU. She was 33 years old.

I did not get to light any candles for Nanay today. Nor was I able to attend the commemorative mass that was offered in her honor. But I remembered her in my own little way. Waxing a bit nostalgic this evening, I digged up an old issue of the now extinct JVPFI external newsletter Pagkukusa—the one entitled “Paggunita: Remembering Rosemarie M. Cabrera (July 22, 1967-February 28, 2001)". As I read through the pages, I relived the pain, the shock, the confusion, and then, eventually, the hope, that the JVP community and many others felt as an effect of her death. An editorial, which I forgot I had written, perhaps sums up the entire experience (at least from my standpoint):

"On the road to recovery, and just as things were taking on a brighter hue, the JVP community suffered the momentous loss in the passing away of Executive Director and dear friend Rose Cabrera, or simply Rosing to many of us. But as days passed and memories of how Rosing lived her life enveloped us, what stayed with us were not the struggles and the pain, but the overwhelming love that she has shown us during her lifetime. Somehow, knowing that she has left is with many good works to carry on, gives us the strength to move on. “Always believe in the morning after”, Rosing would say. And we did. Thus, amidst the mourning, a glimmer of hope begins for JVP and for the many other people whose lives she has touched. And Rose’s legacy of love continues."

And so, I remembered. Again. But what came back so vividly to me was not so much the pain or the loss, but the love and the hope that surrounded all those who bore witness to the event. In the end, I guess that’s precisely Rose’s final “pabaon”…her ultimate “habilin” to all those who have been part of her journey. The triumph of love amidst the sacrifices. The hope of a “morning after” amidst the darkness. She believed in these. And as long as we believe in these too, the spirit of Rose will always be alive and burning in each one of us.

Of course, that could mean, too, that we will go on missing Rose for another 4, 14, or 40 x 4 years. But that, I guess, is the whole point of it all—that is, to go on missing her and remembering her. That way, we can constantly remind ourselves of what she stands for. And that, perhaps, will give us something to continually learn from and aspire for.

thrilled to be tagged

2005-02-25T01:02:00.000+08:00

i've been tagged by anj, and am thrilled to join the fun. thanks anj!

Random 10

1) YOU GOT TO BE by Desiree

I just love the message of this song. It’s like a Reality 101 course in the music world, yet at the same time, it’s so empowering as well. And the best thing about it is that it ends with a message of hope. “All I know, all I know is love will save the day…”

2) IF I AIN’T GOT YOU (Remix) by Alicia Keys and Usher

When Alicia Keys and Usher come together to make music, wonderful things are bound to happen! Can anyone spell soulful?

3) I TRY by Macy Gray

I’m not too fond of love songs, but the first time I saw Macy Gray perform this piece on Saturday Night Live years ago, I immediately took to “I Try”. Ms. Gray has got some "attitude," if you know what I'm saying . And when you sing one of her songs, you can’t help but acquire a bit of that attitude too.=)

4) HARANA by Parokya / The AKAFellas

There are a lot of “memories” attached to this song—from my ACIL days to my JVP years and beyond. Plus of course, the AKAFellas’ rendition of it gave a whole new twist and “feel” to the song. So yeah, it’s all good.

5) STUCK IN A MOMENT by U2

This is the ultimate JVP Re-entry song! It reminds me of a conversation that Kaladkarin had with her mom a couple of months after Batch 19’s YearEnd. It went something like this:

Mom: Nasaan ka ba ngayon?

Kaladkarin: Nasa JVP session.

Mom: Ha…hindi pa ba natatapos iyan?

Kaladkarin: Ma, hindi naman ito matatapos eh…

Harhar. Talk about being “stuck”…for life.

6) PANALANGIN by the APO Hiking Society

This song makes me think of the Pathways gang's impromptu video-oke session that splendid night in October, in the midst of a big national event that was being hosted by Pathways. I can still almost hear the Pathways peeps singing “Panalangin” on top of their voices, and letting it all loose! That was definitely one of the fun-nest nights I’ve ever had in Pathways.=) Never mind that we sang the song(s) a little (or a LOT?) off-key. Hehe.

7) NAÏVE by Beyonce feat. De Brat at Solange

I like the rhythm of this Beyonce song. It will make you want to grroooove too.=)

8) YELLOW by Coldplay

This song is a bit cryptic. I was never quite certain what “yellow” alludes to in the song. But I guess that’s why it appeals to me. I like cryptic. Hahaha.

9) ONE HUNDRED YEARS by Five for Fighting

This is one of those “cycles of life” songs. And I’m such a sucker for songs with that theme. Thanks mucho to Bonita for introducing me to this Five for Fighting single.

10) NOYPI and MASAYA by Bamboo

Aside from the fact that Bamboo has been making an appearance in my Now Playing List every so often lately, the band will also be featured in a concert entitled "Pinoy Tayo!" on March 4, for the benefit of JVPFI. So yeah, these songs are getting the nod from me these days. (Please forgive the shameless plug. Hehe.)

What is the total amount of music files in your computer?

My computer says 1.54 GB, but that’s comprised mostly of music files that I had to rip ‘coz I don’t have them on CD.=) If I have the songs on CD, I try not to save them on my computer, unless they’re really, really big favorites of mine. I need to save space for other stuff eh.

What was the last CD that you bought?

It’s been quite a while since I actually bought a music CD for myself. Luckily, my friends are generous enough to let me borrow theirs. Hehe. More generous still are those who actually bought CDs for me.=) Hurray for my friends! But I think one of the last ones I bought was the Seattle’s Best Jazz collection.

What was the last song you listened to before reading this message/entry?

Currently playing is Matchbox 20’s Push.

Write down 5 songs you listen to a lot or mean a lot to you.

1) THIS YEAR by Chantal Kreviazuk

I have adopted this to become sort of my “theme song” at the beginning of the year. It serves as a reminder of my promise to myself to make this an incredible year! And I’m doing fine in keeping that promise so far.=)

2) BIG YELLOW TAXI by Joni Mitchell

This is like the alma mater of the coolest women (and women-activists at that) in the music world! Watch the video of the Lilith’s Fair concert tour (circa 1997), if you want proof.=) (I could lend you mine, if you want.) And I’d just like to say that no matter how many versions of this song are released, I still maintain that Joni Mitchell’s version is the best!

3) KANLUNGAN by Noel Cabangon

For JVP volunteers, this is the ultimate nostalgia song. Never mind that it has been commercialized and associated with the golden arc and all that. For us, it’ll always be the song that will bring us back to those lovely months of simplicity, solidarity, self-discovery and growth.

4) BETTER DAYS by Dianne Reeves

This has been a favorite of mine since way back in high school/early college. It never fails to bring out that positive vibe that I need (that we all need) when things do not seem to be looking up or are taking too long to come into fruition.

5) GALILEO and HAMMER AND NAIL and CLOSER TO FINE by Indigo Girls
(Sorry, it’s so hard to choose just one IG song!)

My closest friends probably know how much I adore the Indigo Girls. I just love them! They’re real and edgy and socially relevant too. And among their songs, the aforementioned three are my all-time favorites, mainly because of the many statements they have about life. More than just giving me something to hum along with, these songs also provide me with something to ponder on, and something to aspire for.

Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (3 persons and why?)

1) Jolit, so as to force him to go public with his blog. Harhar. Come on out, Jolit!
2) HSK, because he’s such a music lover. Also, he actually believes that music loves him too. Hehe. Peace HSK!
3) Enzo, because I’d like to learn what types of music he likes. =)

little voices, big dreams

2005-02-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

Gotta love these past two days. I spent them with third year students from public high schools in Marikina, Payatas, and Districts 3 & 4 of Quezon City, as they held their culminating activity for their English Literature classes in Pathways. Entitled “LITle Voices, Big Dreams,” the activity was meant to showcase the students’ talents and creativity, as integrated to their learnings from the Saturday enrichment classes that they have been attending this school year, specifically in the realm of literature and the arts. The students presented plays (some of which were originally written by them), declamation pieces, interpretative dances, song numbers, and speech choir performances. Given the fact that they had difficulty finding time to practice for their acts (what with all the other stuff that they had to do in school), they delivered quite well during the actual days of performance. There were a few minor bloopers here and there, but those, I guess, were part of the charm of their presentations. What’s more, they had fun! It was, more than anything, a bonding experience for them and their ates and kuyas in Pathways.

I, too, had a whole lot of fun. I didn't get to spend so much time with this batch of students when I was with Pathways, so I’m truly glad for the opportunity to get to know them a little better as I assisted them “backstage” during the show. They, in fact, gave me a new role to play—that of a make-up artist! For someone who does not put on make-up, this is something quite new indeed.=) But surprisingly, I enjoyed painting their faces according to the characters they were supposed to play. I was so into it that the kids started joking that they'd “hire” me to be their make-up artist for their upcoming prom. Hahaha.

Who knows? I just might take up the offer.=)

wednesday woes

2005-02-18T03:05:00.000+08:00

I love Wednesdays. There’s always something to look forward to on this particular day of the week. Wednesday nights, in particular, are gimmick nights. It is synonymous with hanging out with friends at 70’s Bistro or Conspiracy while enjoying the music of Noel Cabangon, or watching the latest flicks that are being shown in those fancy movie houses in Eastwood or Makati. If one does not feel like going out (or perhaps, working overtime), it would not be such a bad idea to stay at home and enjoy some primetime TV. Unlike on most other weekdays, there’s a variety of shows to choose from for one’s TV-viewing pleasure on the third day of the week. In my case, the mere effort of not missing shows such as The Amazing Race, American Idol, and CSI on the same night always keeps me on my toes.=) In a nutshell, Wednesday nights are winner nights.

Just this Wednesday (like most other Wednesdays), I began the day in good spirits, in anticipation of my planned night-out with May8 and Maits. This time, our destination was St. Scho’s St. Cecilia’s Hall, to watch a show featuring The AKAfellas. Although none of us were AKAfella fanatics, all of us have had the chance to catch the group in a couple of shows and were quite impressed by their song renditions and group camaraderie. They were a fun group, and we figured that it would not hurt to watch them for a hundred and fifty bucks. We, however, felt a little foolish for attempting to watch a concert that we were expecting to be filled with screaming teeny-bopper fans. I mean, at our age, it’s a little embarrassing to be identified as groupies. Well, we were just there to enjoy some good music, so if that makes us groupies, so be it. Hehe.

And so, May8, Maits and I made our way to the “concert” venue, and eventually found our way queuing for the entrance. But looking around, we noticed something a bit odd about the whole scenario. First, for a “concert crowd,” the people standing in line were really, really quiet. Second, many of them were quite “mature-looking.” The whole thing was just the antithesis of what we expected, hence, prompting Maits to double check her ticket and ask around if we were in the right event.

Well, the good news was we were in the right event. The bad news was…we were in the right event! Hahaha. Bad news, because, to cut a long story short, it was not at all what we expected. After having to wait another 30 minutes for the program to start, and after coming up with several theories as to where the rest of the audience is, we later on discovered that the show is not actually an AKAFellas concert, but really a culminating activity for a class project! Hence, the “stars” of the show were the students of a particular class from a nearby school, and the AKAFellas were more of “bit players” in the program. At that point, we were thinking, “there’s goes our P150.00!”

It would not have been so bad if the lead female singer (who lost her voice during the show could have lipsynched the songs in a less obvious manner, or if the male lead singer did a little justice to Ryan Cayabyab’s composition, or if a few more variations had been added to the lead dancer’s moves, or if the voices of the members of the male singing group actually blended and harmonized, or if the sound technicians did not mess up the microphone amplification. But no! Unfortunately, all of the abovementioned things actually had to happen.

Poor students. They must have felt that they were biting more than they could chew. But in fairness to them, despite being (presumably) new to such an experience, it looks like they really tried their best. Moreover, they did not give up despite the many glitches and bloopers experienced throughout the show. Nevertheless, one cannot help but wish they could have prepared a little bit more, knowing that they are performing side by side a group of professional artists like the AKAFellas, whose solid performance only served to highlight the amateurish presentations of the students. Oh well. I guess life’s like that. You make mistakes, then you learn from them. Too bad these student performers had to commit their mistakes in front of all those people in the theater. Good thing that most of those in the audience were their family members and friends. At least that was one good thing that went well for them.

In the end, the AKAFellas only did about 5 songs. Quite disappointing, especially if you’re expecting to hear them sing the entire length of the two-hour show. Still, we did enjoy those 5 songs. I especially relished their rendition of the last one, “Seasons of Love” (from the Broadway musical Rent), which is one of my favorite songs ever. It was, indeed, the perfect consuelo de bobo (consolation) for a night of “desolation” and frustration. Hehehe.

Nevertheless, on our way home, Maits, May8 and I could not help but be bothered by how this particular Wednesday turned out not quite the way we expected it to be. It got even scarier when Maits and I looked back to two Wednesdays ago, when we went with Kangirl to Conspiracy to watch Noel C., only to find out he is in far-off Brazil. And guess who was singing in his place? No, not Joey A., not Gary G., not Cynthia Alexander. Instead, performing that night is Paolo S.! Arrgh. No offense to Paolo fans, but he just isn’t our type of performer. So, instead of paying P 150.00 for the entrance fee only to squirm on our seats, we chose to take off to Tapika, where MYMP was playing. Not exactly our type either, but for us, it was at least a little better than the other alternative.

Needless to say, Maits and Kangirl (who are true blue followers of Noel C.) really felt frustrated that night, so as to label it a “Loser Wednesday.” As for me, I did think we were unlucky then, but never really gave it further thought. Until this Wednesday, that is. When our plans got frustrated a second time around. On the third day of the week.

I am not a particularly superstitious person. But boy, it sure does bother me that my winner Wednesdays are fast becoming “loser” ones. Harhar. Deep down, however, I know that that will not happen as long as I’m in the presence of friends who I could laugh and nitpick with.=) To adapt the old adage, no Wednesday (or any day for that matter) could be too unlucky or boring for me, as long as I’m with good company.

*****************************************

P.S. The moral(s) of the story: (1) Think twice before going out on a
Wednesday; and (2) If you want to see The AKAFellas perform, just catch them
at DISH. Mwahaha!

*****************************************

amazing race--jvp style!

2005-02-11T12:28:00.000+08:00

Still riding on the crest of excitement brought about by The Amazing Race (TAR) 6 finals, I met with the some JVP friends last Wednesday night to discuss possible recreational activities for the upcoming Grand Reunion (GR) in Boracay. I, of course, suggested that we run our own version of the race—JVP style! The group (which is appropriately called the “GR Recreation and Break-out Groups” Committee, and headed by Maits) heartily approved of the activity. They even agreed that the race is a “must-do” during the GR. JVP, Boracay and The Amazing Race—a great combination, that one!

I, for one, am very excited about this “project”. I’ve always been interested in either joining TAR, or being part of the staff that conceptualizes and puts together such an “amazing” show (pun intended…hehe). But since I am not American, and am nowhere close to being a TV executive or even a member of the crew of any show (reality TV or not) in any country…I might as well put that aspiration aside. Harhar. Instead, I have to be realistic and make do with what I have where I am. For example, I (together with my co-workers in Pathways) used to create mini-versions of the race as part of training seminars and teambuilding activities for our student participants. Once, I even incorporated the “race” into the program of a friend’s bridal shower! Any excuse to do the race.=)

Now, I found another excuse—JVP and Boracay! This one's bound to be a bigger and better race, for sure. Can’t wait for the committee to draw up concrete plans for it. I even have possible Detours and Roadblocks listed out already. It doesn’t even matter that I won’t be in the GR to actually witness the race, since my good friend is getting married the same weekend and I’m part of her entourage. Somehow, “to go or not to go” (to the GR) is no longer an intrusive thought in my head, as it was a week ago. Funny, but the nagging question in my mind right now pertains to “who would fill in the role of Phil (the host)?” Of course, that person has to be someone that the contestants will all recognize and be so happy to see at the end of the race. Someone who looks credible even when wearing a Hawaiian shirt and spandex shorts. Someone who, without breaking into fits of laughter, could say to the winning team: “After 25 years, 600+ volunteers, and 250 communities…You’re Team No 1!” Perhaps someone like...Sir Tim? or Jo? or Fr. Mario? Hehehe. We'll see...we'll see.

the wisdom of calvin

2005-02-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

That about sums up how I’ve been feeling these past two days. That’s ‘coz since Monday morning, I’ve been cooped up in my own little corner in our good ‘ole house, laboriously transcribing every single word from the focus group discussions (FGDs) that I have conducted in the past weeks for my masteral thesis. Not an easy task, mind you. One tape alone would take about two whole days to transcribe (if one is really O.C.. about it). Hence, I’ve been in front of the computer, with the tape recorder beside me, for hours on end! My fingers are stiff from typing, my eyes are getting watery from staring at my monitor, and my eardrums are whacked from having to listen to undecipherable conversation amidst very loud static! And to think I have about 8 more tapes to go! Whew. Talk about being a full-time graduate student.

Not that I have a right to complain about all this. I did chose to do this kind of research (i.e. qualitative) for my thesis. Also, I’d have to admit, the content of the FGDs are actually pretty interesting. So it’s not all that bad. Not bad at all. In fact, I’m quite glad that my thesis is finally taking off.=) It’s just that after two consecutive days of transcribing inside your room, you’d pretty much miss the “world outside” too. I’d never thought I’d say this, but I kinda miss walking under the warmth of the new year sun, eating greasy chicken and fries from those fastfood joints, admiring the guts of stubborn pedestrians crossing the avenue where it says “Bawal Tumawid: Nakakamatay,” and yes, even breathing the polluted Katipunan air. Harhar.

Not that the “out there” that I am talking about is elusive. Far from it! I’m bound to “go back to it” soon (like, tomorrow…haha.) But for now, this is where I am supposed to be—in front of my computer, beside my tape recorder, attempting to finish a 30+page transcript (albeit not that successfully). After all, this too, is part of the life that I’ve chosen for myself for the next few months.

not a film critique

2005-02-07T21:52:00.000+08:00

"Later, much later...each harrowing ordeal will become an adventure. For some idiotic reason, your most horrific experiences are the stories you most love to tell."

No powerline from the more recent films I’ve watched rings truer to me that the one above. It’s no cliché, yet it speaks the truth. The quote made me look back to the most trying times in the various stages of my life with a sigh…and then with a smile. Volunteering in Bulan. Traveling alone amidst (or perhaps against) challenging forces of nature. Surviving demanding terror teachers and impossibly difficult exams (yes this too, haha.). Dealing with the loss of dear friends. These are just some of the more difficult situations that I’ve found myself in, which turned out to be wonderful experiences of growth and self-discovery in the end. Many times, these encounters also worked out to be the best bonding moments I’ve had with friends and loved ones. Of course, it was not always all that fun while I was in the situation (although sometimes, they were). But when I think of these moments now, what I remember is not so much the pain and struggle, but the joy of coming out of those experiences a little stronger and wiser. Of course, the workings of time, as well as the benefit of hindsight has a lot to do with one’s ability to see such things in a positive light. But it is true what Charles Dickens said, “It is the worst of times, it is the best of times.” It really is all just a matter of perspective.=)

Anyway, lest I forget, the quote came from the European film L'Auberge Espagnole (The Spanish Apartment), the video of which I rented a couple of days ago. I wasn’t going to do so, since it didn’t seem like an acclaimed film or something. But I felt like watching a foreign film that night, and I saw Audrey Tatou (Amelie, A Very Long Engagement) on the video case cover, so I decided to give it a try. Not that I’m a big Audrey Tatou fan, but it was just nice to recognize her from the list of cast members. In fact, I thought she was the star of the movie. I mean, if you saw a poster (or a video casing) of the film such as the one below, you’d think that too, wouldn’t you?

the spanish apartment

Audrey is right smack in the middle, isn’t she? And she got top billing too. But the funny thing is, she only appeared in the movie for a total of about 10-15 minutes (tops!). A cameo role, really. It was, undoubtedly a clever marketing ploy to get people to watch the film. Audrey is currently the hot thing in France (and I guess in all of Europe). Hence, it is not surprising that her role was played up a bit as a come-on for would-be viewers. Not that it’s bad or anything like that. I mean, if ABS-CBN can do it in this country, why not the “star builders” in France, right? Harhar. Kangirl and I, in fact, have a theory regarding Ms. Tatou and her producers. But that’s another story that deserves another blog entry.=)

Back to the film, it was actually surprisingly good, Tatou or no Tatou. It’s about a young man from France who goes to Spain for a year to study, lives with and learns from five other people of different nationalities, and then comes back home a different person. It is supposedly taglined as “where a year can change a lifetime.” (Hmmm…sounds very JVP. Hehe.). The way it was told was fresh, smart, warm, witty, and REAL. Its light manner, however, did not take away from its depth and insight. Plus, it’s set in Europe, which is the clincher for me. I find that part of the world just totally captivating. Such culture and history!

Another interesting thing about the film is that one of its cast members, Belgian actress Cecile De France (Around the World in 90 Days), looks sooo much like Kate Moennig (Young Americans, The L Word). What an uncanny resemblance—from the hair, to the facial expressions, to the slouch and manner of walking, down to the way of dressing! Also worth noting is that De France’s character Isabelle, in one passing scene, mentions that she babysits part-time (reminiscent of Moennig’s role in The Shipping News). Later on, she further reveals that she is lesbian (which reminds one of Moennig’s character Shane in The L Word). Harhar. That one cracked me up. Talk about coincidence. If you want to see what I'm talking about, take a look for yourself:

two of a kind

With that, I end my entry. It's a little bit anti-climactic, but what the heck.=) I already wrote more that I intended to anyway. Got a little carried away there. But just to make things clear, as the title of this post suggests, this is NOT a film critique. I’ll leave the responsibility of doing intelligent reviews to the experts. Getting to do the oohing, ahhing and, of course, the nitpicking is enough for me.=)

joining the bandwagon

2005-02-07T02:20:00.000+08:00

my turn to do this blog thingy, which was introduced by may8 to our circle. i know, it's so-last-month! but well, as they say, better late than later. haha.

Instructions:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

"We looked at each other in silence, watching her as the seconds passed."

~ from "Five Quarters of the Orange" by Joanne Harris

the neverending story revisited

2005-02-01T23:49:00.000+08:00

The NeverEnding Story I

I was at a business meeting with some members of the JVP executive committee this evening, when a powerline popped up during the discussion. Gabby, our foundation president, quipped: "It has to hurt to heal." Those of us who were listening to him were like...oooh, where did that come from? But at the same time, we knew exactly what he meant.

But Gabby was not content. To further drive home his point, he said: "...add salt to injury." We all laughed. My word, that one would really hurt! haha. Okay Gabby, point taken.=)

Apparently, Gabby was quoting from The NeverEnding Story (circa 1984), which I remember to be one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. It was the fantasy film of its time--part-scary, part-funny, but ever exciting from beginning to end. My fondest memory of it has to do with The Childlike Empress, who i just found to be so amazinglybeautiful! She's the type that little girls dream of. Either you want to be her or you want her to be your friend. Plus, of course, there is the element of the magic book, a mythical land that needs to be rescued from Nothingness, and a "lost" young boy who turns out to be the hero that saves the day. With all these, it was bound to be a classic.

Usually, when watching movies, I'm the type of person who takes note of quotable quotes and powerlines. That, however, was not the case with TheNeverEnding Story. I don't know why exactly. I must have been too young then to catch the aforementioned quote, much less realize what it meant. But now, more than twenty years after, it sure hits home! Makes me realize how old I am. Well, as we all know, a LOT can happen in twenty years to make you grow, and grow old. In fact, while we are at it, a LOT can happen in a year or two to change a person! I'm sure even the Childlike Empress isn't so childlike anymore these days.

Anyway, I just was mulling over what the line (the "hurt to heal" one, not the "salt" one) means to me these days. I realize that "hurt" is not even a word i would consider to describe how I am at present. Does that mean that "healing" is absent in my life too? I don't know. But I would say that right now, I am in what I call an in-between phase. Looking back to the past with fondness and gratitude, but needing to leave it to move towards what else could become. And I am at peace with it. Maybe there's healing in that too.=)

distracting myself

2005-01-31T23:48:00.000+08:00

“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” ~ Robert Benchley

My “To Do” List for January 31, 2005 says that I have to accomplish the following by the end of the day: 1) an article for ADMU’s campus ministry office; 2) preparations for my thesis data-gathering (to be held on Wednesday and Saturday); and 3) 2 documentation reports for JVP. So far, I am done with the first one and am half-finished with the second (since this one involved many tasks). But the third? Zero. Nada. Zilch. I’ve already done everything I could possibly do at home on a Monday night—updated the batch directory, answered emails, updated my record book of finances, and watched a little TV. Everything, except for the very thing(s) I’m supposed to be doing.

Now, it’s 11:45 pm, yet still, I’ve managed to distract myself even further by opening old files on my computer. (As if there weren’t enough distractions as it is!) And (un)fortunately for me, I found a sort-of-a-game posted by a friend’s friend’s friend a couple of years ago on her on-line journal. It’s too amusing not to keep a copy of—even if I didn’t have a blog yet at that time. And now that I do have one, I figured I might as well post my answers to this game/quiz/list, which happens to involve bands and the titles of their songs. What’s more, I didn’t do it just once, but four times over! That is, with four different bands that “I grew up with” (hence, I am quite familiar with more than a few of their songs). Haha. Anything to avoid the obligatory. And that, I believe, is called, “shirking one’s duties”. My friends will be proud of me.=)

Well, what can I say? Picking out song titles and relating them to yourself, is infinitely much more fun that doing documentation reports. Anyone care to argue with me on this?=)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Directions: Pick a band and answer these only using their song titles.

Using INDIGO GIRLS

1. Are you male or female? DON’T GIVE THAT GIRL A GUN
2. Describe yourself? LEAST COMPLICATED
3. How do some people feel about you? MYSTERY
4. How do you feel about yourself? CLOSER TO FINE
5. Describe your boy/girlfriend or interest? GHOST =)
6. Where would you rather be? GET OUT THE MAP
7. Describe what you want to be? LET IT BE ME
8. Describe how you live? TRIED TO BE TRUE
9. Describe how you love? DEAD MAN’S HILL
10. Share a few words of wisdom: EVERYTHING IN ITS OWN TIME

Using CRANBERRIES

1. Are you male or female? I’M STILL REMEMBERING =)
2. Describe yourself? DREAMING MY DREAMS
3. How do some people feel about you? CLOSE TO YOU
4. How do you feel about yourself? FOREVER YELLOW SKIES
5. Describe your boy/girlfriend or interest? JUST MY IMAGINATION
6. Where would you rather be? SALVATION
7. Describe what you want to be? FREE TO DECIDE
8. Describe how you live? LINGER
9. Describe how you love? ZOMBIE
10. Share a few words of wisdom: EVERYTHING I SAID

Using PEARL JAM

1. Are you male or female? DAUGHTER
2. Describe yourself? DISSIDENT
3. How do some people feel about you? ELDERLY WOMAN BEHIND THE COUNTER IN A SMALL TOWN
4. How do you feel about yourself? ALIVE
5. Describe your boy/girlfriend or interest? BLACK
6. Where would you rather be? OCEANS
7. Describe what you want to be? DEEP
8. Describe how you live? EVEN FLOW
9. Describe how you love? INDIFFERENCE
10. Share a few words of wisdom: WHY GO?

Using AEROSMITH

1. Are you male or female? DUDE (LOOKS LIKE A LADY) --> hardyharhar!
2. Describe yourself? SAME OLD SONG AND DANCE
3. How do some people feel about you? TRAIN KEPT ROLLING
4. How do you feel about yourself? FINE
5. Describe your boy/girlfriend or interest? CAN’T STOP MESSIN’
6. Where would you rather be? LIVIN’ ON THE EDGE
7. Describe what you want to be? AMAZING
8. Describe how you live? WALK THIS WAY
9. Describe how you love? CHIP AWAY THE STONE
10. Share a few words of wisdom: DREAM ON

flashback

2005-01-30T17:04:00.000+08:00

i was reading through one of my old journals (circa 1996) this morning, and saw this poem that i wrote nine years ago. boy, was i young then!:)

On green mornings of azure days
i like sitting by myself
amongst
burnished gold
and greens
and endless showers
of starry-eyed dreams

and
as the heavens above me
threatened to spill
its clear, silver spears
i sit still
gazing at the road at bay
thinking that it seems
a world away
on green mornings
of azure days.

~4/4/96