dual*ities

This time last year—on the first day of 2005—there was something that I did for the first time. I learned how to blog.ü I knew then that is was gonna be a different year for me. After all, I just resigned from a job that I loved to complete my graduate studies, and to enable myself to, later on, chase a dream. Hence, I thought then that it would be the perfect time to keep an online journal (apart from my old-style, actual journal, which I still update once in a while) of the things I would do and learn for the year.

True enough, 2005 turned out to be a very different year from what I had gotten used to. It was, for me, a transition year, or an in-between phase, as I fondly call it. I was traversing the divide that separates me from where and how I wanted to be, endeavoring to bring into completion erstwhile commitments that have been keeping me from taking the big leap. Indeed, my typical days in 2005 were so unlike my over-scheduled days of the previous years, where I was balancing work, studies, and more work, among other things. It was different, yet it was memorable all the same. For it was during that year that I was able to touch base with myself once again, and do things that I barely had time for in the previous years. I was able to be my own boss. To relax. To spend time at home. To drink more than 8 glasses of water a day. To do things at my own pace, my own time. To make mistakes. To choose the projects that I wanted to do. To attend basketball games, even on weekdays.ü To wait. To accept “rackets.” To procrastinate. To be OC. To not be OC. To think about the past. To think about the future. To be fickle. To be patient. To be open to new possibilities. And basically, to just be.

I was constantly waltzing back and forth, yet remained in my place. I was ever-changing, yet the same.

Just like my blog.

In the span of 12 months, my blog went through 55 posts, 2 URL shifts, 4 template make-overs, and 3 title changes. It’s not usual for me to make changes like this so often. My close friends could attest that I’m pretty much a stable and grounded person, who stays with one thing for a long stretch of time. In fact, I’m the type who rarely changes the way she looks or dresses, knowing that it is not the basis of the change that happens within. But in 2005, having two minds and wanting constant movement were realities to me. After all, it wouldn’t be good to stay on the same ground when what you ultimately want is to take the big leap. And this, I guess, was reflected in how this blog evolved in the last 365 days. It was ever-changing, but it embodied (although in a limited way) where and how I was in my so-called in-between year.

It’s now 2006. And I believe I’ve come to the point where I am ready to take actual steps toward higher grounds. I’m ready for another chapter in my life which is bound to be a very different from the previous ones I’ve lived. There are stories that are waiting to happen. And these, I feel, deserve another page…another place in which they could come into themselves.

This post, however, is by no means an ending. It is not exactly a beginning either. It is simply a transition—very much like what 2005 has been for me. It is, both literally and figuratively speaking, an in-between link to what is yet to come.ü

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