dual*ities

…is when a good friend of mine ties the knot. (And only if that good friend specifically requests me to wear one.)

Well, yesterday was one of those rare times. My good friend, Kat, got married. And of course, I didn’t have the heart to say no to her request for me to wear a gown, or to be part of her entourage for that matter. Although the former (wearing a gown) is personally an ordeal for me, the latter (being part of the entourage) is really quite an honor. Unfortunately, these two always go hand in hand.

I must say, however, that seeing Kat and her now-husband Kelly all happy and glowing during yesterday’s ceremonies was worth all the hassle of dressing up like a girly-girl for a day. I mean apart from the bit about having to walk around dragging this sort-of-a-train attached to the back of my gown (and in high heels at that), or having to find something to do in the 3 ½ hour interval between the end of the wedding and the beginning of the reception (thank goodness for the company of friends!), and for having to sit through a 3 hour dinner (which continued on even after the program has ended), the wedding was truly a beautiful one. It was really well-prepared and coordinated. It was formal and elegant but not lacking in spontaneity either. Not bad for a supposedly “traditional Chinese” wedding. How they did the program was creative and original too. One guest commented that it was a bit over the top. Maybe. But at least you could never call it boring.:)

Also, I must say I was pleasantly surprised to have received two “ampaws” (red letter envelopes)—one each from the side of the bride and of the groom. Apparently, it is a tradition among Chinese families to bestow monetary gifts upon members of their sons’ and daughters’ wedding entourage. Well, I’m not usually a fan of traditional wedding rituals (especially NOT the bouquet-throwing, garter-fitting bit). But I must admit, this “ampaw” thing is one tradition that works for me. Hehe.

Over all, it was a red letter day indeed!

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On other news: I was watching flipping through channels a while ago when a teaser in Studio 23 caught my eye…Desperate Housewives coming in May! Oh. My. Gawd. I didn’t see that coming! I was literally jumping up and down with glee. And I thought just a few days ago that it wouldn’t see the light of day in the Philippines. Not this soon anyway. For once, I’m actually glad to be proven wrong. Harhar.

Hmmm…methinks more red letter days are yet to come!

…to crawl out from the rock that I’ve been hiding under for the last little while.

Not that I’ve been hiding, really. I was just busy watching episodes of The L Word and Desperate Housewives on DVD, courtesy of Maita and her brothers. The good thing is, I was finally able to see for myself what the hype is all about regarding these two shows (and why they won’t ever see the light of day in the Philippines). The not-so-good news is…I’m hooked! Hence, most of my free time for the past two weeks was spent either digging up additional info on the aforementioned shows or watching and re-watching those downloaded episodes. As if I needed additional sources of distraction in my life right now! Hehe. So yeah, something’s gotta give. And in this case, my blogging time was it.

However, as much as I would like to totally immerse myself in the tangled webs that the compelling (albeit fictional) characters of these TV shows weave, I had my own webs of reality to weave and/or disentangle these past two weeks. A bridal shower (from conceptualization to implementation), a funeral (not counting that of Pope JPII’s on TV…hehe), a birthday celebration, a baptism, a youth conference, visits to Payatas, the usual meetings, and (yeah, yeah) some thesis-writing—these are some of the highlights of the past couple of days in my own life’s saga.

This makes me realize how my life pales in comparison with the lives of those charming housewives of Wisteria Lane and those gorgeous L.A. lezzies on TV. Harhar. But then again, this is my reality. And it is the reality that I choose for myself. A life that is simple and without (a whole lot of) complications, but still with its own occasional twists and turns. Hence, at the end of the day, I’m just thankful that I have a reality to call my own…one that, fortunately, gives me enough reason NOT to hide from the world-out-there and lose myself in la-la-land.:)

Given the situation, I was expecting to arrive at their family residence and witness utter devastation among the people there who knew and loved Tita Pat. Instead, I found joyous people who celebrated her life in lieu of grieving over her unexpected demise. They did not dwell on their loss, but instead drew so much inspiration from the love and compassion that they have shown them during their lifetime. They, too, found comfort and warmth in each other’s company, hence making the burden of their beloved matriarch’s death easier to bear.

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In other parts of the globe, people of different races and creeds have also been mourning the loss of a patriarch, a role model, a friend. After struggling through his illnesses for so long, our beloved Pope John Paul II has finally commended his spirit to his Creator. He has left our world for a better place.

But then again, he did not leave us empty-handed. He taught us the values of human dignity, peace, and unity where there was war, dissent and strife. He sought to look into the commonalities in the different faiths where most of the world only saw the irreconcilable differences in them. He believed in the youth, and in other minority groups, whereas others would have just ignored the contribution of these sectors to society at large. He was arguably a greater leader and moral authority than perhaps all of the present political leaders combined could ever hope to be. And even in his very death, he has breathed new life into the Church and brought the peoples of the world together.

We mourn his death. But we also celebrate his life. We commemorate it, and hopefully, we’ll learn from it. No, he did not leave us empty-handed. His legacy of compassionate service has been passed on to us. It is now up to us to make it a reality in our own little worlds, our own humble lives.

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I mourn for a friend who lost a mother. I mourn for a world that has lost a father. But even then, I am joyful for these two souls, for they are now able to rest in God’s loving embrace. I celebrate and bask in the legacy of loving service that each of them has shared with the world, and which continue to touch the lives of many.

And so, as they move on to a better place, It’s not goodbye I wish to say but thank you for showing us how to live.

The episode entitled Ch-ch-changes, like most other CSI episodes, started out with a murder. This time, the victim was a Las Vegas showgirl who goes by the name Wendy Clancy. While trying to establish the woman’s identity, Gil Grissom’s team uncovers that she was really a he. Wendy was really a Walter.

Okay, so that certainly got my attention and kept me wide awake.=)

The twists and turns of the case thereafter offered the audience a peak into the lives of transgenders in Las Vegas. In keeping with the CSI tradition, the story was masterfully told, with its riveting plot and showcase of clever forensics. But more than that, it was a real eye-opener in that it went beyond the usual stereotypical portrayal of trannies either as promiscuous individuals or as cross-dressing impersonators who provide good entertainment at night-clubs. (Funny, because that’s how they were portayed in Ms. Congeniality, which I watched just a few hours before I tuned in to CSI.) Rather, it dug deep into the realities that confront them as they adjust to the ch-ch-changes in their life that accompanied the changes in their bodies. As Grissom told a MTF (male-to-female) transgender in the episode, “It isn’t about sex, it is about soul.” He goes on to say: “People often confuse your obsession with sexuality as an obsession with sex.” Hmm, never thought of it that way before, but yeah, he has a point there.

The said episode also reminded me of a Season 4 episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit entitled Fallacy. Much like CSI’s Ch-ch-changes, Fallacy was about the case of a girl named Cheryl Avery (played by Katherine Moennig) who was actually a man due for gender re-assignment surgery, but who fell victim to circumstances before s/he saw his/her dream to completion. In both stories, it would not be difficult to sympathize—and perhaps empathize—with the victims’ characters, as they represented the transgenders in society. Whereas their greatest desire is to achieve full expression of who they really are, the sad reality is that some of them never truly gain full acceptance of the people they love the most. They are forever subject to the larger society’s unfair judgment, no matter how “open-minded” and “tolerant” society deems itself to be. Like Dr. Robbings said to Grissom in the said episode: “They (transgendered individuals) are ready for the world, but is the world ready for them?

Those are points that deserve to be pondered indeed. Sad, yes, but powerful and moving too. It is these kinds of stories that make you think and make you want to challenge existing social constructs that simultaneously defines and limits “what” and “how” people ought to be.

Perhaps we could learn a thing or two from oysters. Yes, oysters. As Grissom says in the final scene of the episode:

“There are two types of male oysters, and one of them can change genders at will. And before man crawled out of the muck, maybe he had the same option. Maybe originally we were supposed to be able to switch genders, and being born with just one sex…is a mutation.”

For the record, I am happy to be a woman. But mostly, I am happy just to BE. To be myself, be the person that I choose to be. At the end of the day, that’s what counts the most. And if I were to be an oyster, I’d probably be just as happy as well.=)