dual*ities

For weeks now, I have been talking about getting myself a "Lurv-Pia Day". Well, what do you know? It finally happened. Today, Easter Sunday.

The day started out like any ordinary Sunday would. I went to mass with the family, then had brunch with them at the Pancake House. And then the day…my day really began. Since there were still a couple of hours left of the morning, I decided to get myself a haircut. Summer’s fast approaching, and I really could do with a trim. Nothing drastic really…but it immensely improved my spirits.=)

Leaving the salon, I passed by Filbar’s, a magazine and used books shop. I decided to go in to check out the magazines, but ended up buying a used book entitled Sex and Gender–An Introduction by Hilary M. Lips. It’s actually a text book for Social Science students, particularly those who are into Women’s Studies. As if I needed more academic text to read! Hehe. But well, the topic is truly of interest to me. It’s an advocacy of mine really. Plus, the book costs next to nothing (P 30.00!). So yeah, it was a worthwhile buy.

Happy with my purchase, I proceeded to my next destination: Seattle’s Best. When I was still working full-time, I told my officemates that the first thing I’d do when I quit my job would be to just hang out the coffee shop by myself all day, and lose myself in the pages of a good book, without having to worry about work. Well, in my almost four months of being “gainfully unemployed,” I’ve never actually gotten around to doing that. Until this day, that is. So yeah, I did the works—ordered my Javakula Chai Tea, got myself a couch in the corner, and read my book. (In keeping with the Holy Week-Easter theme, I originally planned to re-read Darrell Bock’s Breaking the Da Vinci Code, which I brought with me. But well, Ms. Lips’ book kind of stole my attention and held it too. So I read on sex and gender instead. Harhar.) After about two hours, I realized that sitting around in a coffee house (without the company of friends) is probably not my cup of tea (although I enjoyed it while it lasted). And so I took off and decided to continue on with my reading at home.

On my way home, I passed by National Bookstore to buy a couple of DVD-R’s that I would have to give to Maita in order for her brothers to burn me the first season episodes of The L Word (yay for Maits and her bros!). As I was paying, the cashier pointed out to me that I already had an E-Purse of P 430.00 on my Laking National card and I could actually use it to purchase anything without having to shell out money. Gosh, wasn't I thrilled to hear that! Actually, twice before, I’ve been told by the cashiers about the amount in my E-Purse, but I never really gave it much thought then. I figured I’d just let it accumulate until it gets big enough one day to actually allow me to purchase a book. Well that one day has finally come. The timing is perfect actually. It just so happened that I’ve been eyeing Dean Koonz’s The Taking for months now, and I knew it was just a matter of days before I finally bought it. The only thing that was stalling me was the fact that there are about 4 more books piled up on my bedside table, waiting to be read by me. Budgetary-wise as well, getting a new book was not a high priority item. Well, thanks to my E-Purse, I could throw all those reasons-for-stalling out the window.=)

I got home mid-afternoon. That gave me time enough to continue my leisure reading on an academic text (yah I know, I’m weird), watch Finding Neverland on DVD (while wrapping my books, new and old, with plastic cover), re-watch my Lilith's Fair DVD, and listen to my old tapes (bought at a time when CDs were not yet known to humankind), before I called it a day.

One of the tapes that got resurrected from its 10-year burial in the drawer was 10,000 Maniac's Our Time In Eden. I’d almost forgotten how much I liked this band! Listening to them was like being tesseracted back to my college days.=) And the best thing about it was that the following song (which makes for a good night cap), in fact, very aptly captures the spirit of this day…of these days really:

These Are Days
10,000 Maniacs

These are days you’ll remember.
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this.
And as you feel it, you’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky.
It’s true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you.

These are days you’ll remember.
When May is rushing over you with desire
To be part of the miracles you see in every hour.
You’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky.
It’s true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you.

These are days…

These are the days
You might fill with laughter until you break.
These are days you might feel a shaft of light
Make its way across your face.
And when you do you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning.
It’s true, you’ll know how it was meant to be.
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking to you, to you.

It's such an “Easter song,” don’t you think? =)

This year, however, I am breaking tradition. And yes, it was conscious choice on my part. Until two weeks ago, I was contemplating on attending the Triduum Retreat for ADMU Alumni—the same one that I’ve been attending for the past three years. However, after much thought, I decided not to push through with it. No, I do not have any dramatic reasons for not going. (I wish. Hehe.) My main reason actually had to do with the practical side of it all. By "practical", I mean that by not going on retreat, I could: 1) work on unfinished tasks during the Lenten break, and; 2) save up the money that I would have allotted for the retreat fee. Moreover, I figured that I could just go back to the prayer points I have acquired from the retreats that I’ve been to in the past years, and go through them by myself. After all, self-directed retreats are not very uncommon these days.

And so, using the prayer points from the most recent Triduum retreats I have attended, I went on with my self-directed pseudo-retreat beginning yesterday, Holy Thursday. Since originally, the said retreats ran from 8:00 a.m.-12:00 n.n. (for three days), I decided to go with the half-day schedule as well for my present retreat. So yeah, these days, I am usually in a reflective mood in the morning, then back to my preoccupation with my thesis work in the afternoon. Works for me. I’m getting the best of both worlds. (Or so I thought.)

The problem with undergoing a self-directed retreat, however, is that one could so easily fall into distraction, especially when one does it in one’s own room where everything—the computer, the phone, the bed—is accessible. Even as I reflected, I was letting the “things that I was supposed to do after my prayer period” bother me and get the best of me. The result? Muddled thoughts and half-hearted forays into the Passion story. Which, I guess, defeats the purpose of going through the pseudo-retreat in the first place.

To go on retreat is to step back—from our busy words and our scheduled lives—in order for us to look into ourselves and where we are standing at present. And I guess, as long as my mind is engaged in many things, I will not be able to give my full attention to that which I should be tuning in these days.

Well, the good news is, it’s not yet over. I still have time to step back, in order for me to move forward. And for me, "moving forward" means moving from merely letting myself go through the Passion story, to letting the Passion story go through me. I believe that the latter is what the whole Lenten season should be about.

Lovely. Just lovely. That’s how I would describe my “find” last Saturday afternoon.

I was actually supposed to be on my way home from a function at a new arts and sciences high school in Cainta, when I made a spur of the moment decision to stop by the mall to look for: 1) a computer program that would help me content analyze my thesis documents; and 2) Robbie William’s latest CD for a friend. I found neither. Instead, I chanced upon something that I totally didn’t expect, but which more than made up for my unsuccessful attempts to find the 2 items I had to buy. And this was it:

Yup, yup…The L Word Season 1 soundtrack! I didn’t even know they were already (legally) distributing it here in RP, so imagine my delight upon finding a copy of it in the record bar. Now, I’m not usually an impulsive shopper (far from it). But when I saw the OST, I grabbed it at once and didn’t even think twice about buying it.

To start with, I’ve been wanting to get hold of a copy of the The L Word (TLW) Season 1 DVD for months now, in vain. Admittedly, my primary reason for wanting to watch the show is to see one of its cast members, Katherine “Kate” Moennig, who I have been drawn to ever since I watched her on the short-lived WB series Young Americans about 4 years ago, mainly because she is so refreshingly different from most of the actresses that we see in Hollywood these days. She is the epitome of androgyny, which I’ve always thought to be beautiful and compelling. Anyway, in TLW plays, Kate plays the heartbreaker in a group of women who happen to like other women. Intriguing, eh? That alone is reason enough to make me want to watch the show. But eventually, when I learned more about The L Word—its plot, its storyline, its characters—I got more and more interested in the show itself. The problem is, there is no chance in “L” (pun intended) that a show that tackles sensitive issues with respect to the lesbian community will get picked up here in RP. So yeah, I am pretty much resigned to the fact that my only chance to watch it, if at all, is by getting myself a DVD copy of it. That, however, is proving difficult nowadays. I’ve heard that even bootleggers in Quiapo and Greenhills ran out of copies already. Oh where, o where are the pirated DVDs when you need them? Hehe.

And that is essentially why I was excited about buying soundtrack. After all, it was practically the only thing L Word-related that I could avail of in this country. So yeah, I’ve been playing the CD without let-up these past couple of hours.=) To be honest, the general mood of the album is different from what I expected. I would think that the OST from a show like The L Word would have a somewhat edgier feel to it. But other than that, I am happy with the collection of songs in the album. Indie rock tracks were interspersed with more classic jazzy tunes. A good mix. And personally, I’ve taken to 3 of the songs already (i.e. The Murmurs’ Genius, Lucinda William’s Right In Time, and Rufus Wainwright’s Hallelujah). So yeah, it was a lovely buy, regardless of whether or not it is the only L Word merchandise I had access to.=)

Anyway, I think I might have been playing the said CD for the past couple of hours a bit too much, because late this afternoon I suddenly got myself into thinking about L words that would somehow encapsulate the week that was. Here is what I came up with:

L is for Lamay. I’ve been working overtime to finish my focus group discussion (FGD) transcriptions these past days, sometimes until the wee-hours of the morning. This is mainly because I had to show samples of the transcript to my adviser, who is leaving for the US very soon and won’t be back until June. Since I have limited time in which to consult with her, I have to have all my data finalized a.s.a.p. in order for us to figure out the best way to analyze them before she leaves town. So yeah, my eyes have become watery from staring in the computer for too long, and my fingers are stiff, not just from typing, but also from having to repeatedly press the pause and play buttons of the tape recorder for days on end. It’s painstaking work, really—it is about 4x as ardous and takes 8x as much time as conducting the actual FGDs themselves. So yah, add long and laborious to the list of adjectives too.=)

L is for Lamon. These past months, people have been commenting that I seem to be losing some weight. Since I’ve not been dieting and have actually stopped my jogging routine since the year began, I surmised that the weight loss was due to the fact that I have not been eating snacks in-between meals since I resigned from my full-time job. (I realized just now how much food we had in Pathways. That is one office where food and work go together. Hehe.) This week, however, I observed a change in my eating patterns. These past days, I would find myself grabbing a bite of bread, crackers, chips (or whatever is available) while doing my work in front of the computer. Hmm...that, I believe, is a sure sign that my stress levels are going up. Not good. Not good at all.

L is for Laklak. For some reason, my gimmick nights for the past how many weeks have involved inuman sessions. This Friday’s Batch 18 get-together was no exception. The party, held at VJ and Adiel’s residence in Ayala Heights, was actually a super belated celebration of my partner J’s birthday. And in true JVP 18 fashion, drinks (mudslide and vodka this time) were part of the mix. Of course, jokes (all-new, mean-spirited ones!) and boisterous laughter spiced up the bash even more. And all these took place, of course, as J’s fave songs played in the background. Think Basil Valdez meets VST meets Jason Mraz meets Matchbox 20 meets Bukas Palad. What a combination! Haha.

L is for Lustay. Not that I have money to spend. But what little I had, I spent anyway. Much of my budget for the week went into the photocopying of books for my thesis which I had to return to the library last Friday, the day before the semestral break. I feel that it was a waste because if I had read and copied all the important parts of the books earlier on (instead of renewing my right to use them every two weeks), I wouldn’t have had to pay extra for the photocopies. Oh well. At least those are for my thesis. My next biggest expenses for the week were just plain luho. I bought CDs, all kinds of them —The L Word soundtrack, a music CD for my friend, a stack of blank CDs (for my video and image files which are taking up too much of my PC space already), and VCDs of movies that I plan to watch in the next few days (rented from the neighborhood video store). Good thing I mostly eat at home nowadays. That way, i get to save up on my food budget most of the time.=)

L is for Lanta. After the all-nighters this week (whether from thesis-related or gimmick-related activities), THIS is how I feel now. Wilted, like a dry leaf. Actually, my friend Solvie has an even better L word for that: lantutay. It does not sound so nice, but it sure conjures up the right image of “wiltedness”. Hehe.

Nevertheless, I’d like to think that there’s still a lot of life in me these days. The “wilting” is just temporary. Maybe I just need to get some sleep.=)

And seriously, I better start working on Solar Eclipse’s suggestion of scheduling a Lurv-Pia Day. Now that’s one L word I should be taking to heart!=)

Not that I didn’t like the previous one that I used...the one that depicted the harbor scene. It was visually fine, except that somehow, I was not entirely comfortable with it. I mean, earth, more than wind or water, has always been my strongest element. And I wanted that to come out in my blog. Hence, I switched to an old predictable blue one…just like old predictable me. I guess I’m just not as bold as May8 to color my blog (and my world) pink. Harhar.

Still, I’m still not satisfied with this present template somehow. So, I’m calling the month of March to be an experimental period for my blog. I wouldn’t be surprised if, one of these days, I decide to switch yet again to another template, or perhaps revert back to the old one.

Right now, my blog template is a work in progress. Like I am.

I got this email from our college batch’s yahoogroups late last week:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Who would have though that one day soon, we will bid good old Colayco Hall a bittersweet goodbye...

On the 11th of March 2005, Friday, 6:30 in the evening, at the COLAYCO Pavilion, join us as we pay tribute to the good old building that sheltered us all, gave us comfort, and nurtured our young and fragile minds and hearts...

back when we were in the process of knowing ourselves...back when we had nothing but dreams, back when we treasured nothing but real friendships, the only silent witness was her...

Colayco Hall takes her final bow...to give way to The New Ateneo Student Center.

11 March 2005
Friday, 6:30 pm
Colayco Pavilion
Loyola Schools, Ateneo de Manila University

Attire: Cocktails/Corporate

It’s amazing to see (judging from the response that the abovementioned email got) how a lot of the alumni waxed nostalgic over the news of the demolition of an old school building. But then again, for many of us, it was more than an old structure, but—as cheesy as it may sound—a place where dreams were born and took flight. I mean, Colayco (the ACIL Room in particular) was practically my home for 4 years! Hence, in a very real sense, it’s a storehouse of memories of happy, hectic, and youthful days gone by.

Too bad I wasn’t able to witness the “tribute” last Friday. (It coincided with a play in CSB that my good friend starred in, and which will henceforth not be mentioned here because of the oath that I made to said friend not to publish it online.) Nevertheless, I promised myself to pay my last visit to good ole’ Colayco before it gets torn down sometime this week.

Yesterday, I got my chance to catch a final glimpse of the hall, and to take some pictures of it (such as the one above) for posterity. When I saw it, I realized that nothing but the edifice itself, as well as some mini-posters declaring the demolition, remained of Colayco. I learned from a friend that the signages and what-have-yous were actually auctioned off during last Friday’s ceremonies. Hence, where it was a bustling place full of activity and laughter and new ideas, it really has come down to being an old abandoned building…for now at least.

I realized, however, that I am not at all sad about the prospect of losing Colayco Hall to a new building. After all, what will be torn down is the structure…not the memories, not the dreams, not the spirit of genuine friendship. And really, at the end of the day, it is the essence of the thing (or in this case, the hall), and not the thing itself, that truly matters.

I know that to a lot of people, March 8 is just another day in the calendar. But for me, it’s a red-letter day. It is, after all, Women’s Day! (Or should I say Womyn's Day?) This day, to me, is perhaps akin to what Valentine’s Day is to many. (V-Day does not mean anything to me, but W-Day does.) Women’s Day is MY day. It is not some overrated, way-too-commercial event. Rather, it’s personal. But then again, sometimes what’s most personal is most universal. Women issues and concerns, by and large, are essentially the same in any country you go to, only perhaps differing in how they are concretely manifested in specific contexts.

So how did I spend the day? Just doing my stuff the best I can. No frills. No trimmings. Just plain me and my craft. And I liked it that way.

The first week of March is about to end. Unexpectedly, it turned out to be one of my most favorite weeks since the year started. Here are some of the reasons why:

1) Power Shot – At the start of the week, I was pleasantly surprised to find a box bearing the Canon label in my bedroom. What do you know…it’s a digicam, courtesy of my balikbayan aunt from New York! Since I’m on penny-pinching mode these days, I sort of brushed aside any thoughts of getting myself a digicam any time soon. Lucky me, my aunt-cum-fairy-godmother came to town! I got my wish without me having to ask for it.=)

2) Lost and Found – Monday morning, I went to the JVP Office and was greeted with the glad news that my Harry Potter 5 book has been returned to the JVP House…just when I thought it’s lost to me forever! Whew. Now, all I have to do is claim it. (Crossing my fingers that it’s still where it’s supposed to be when I retrieve it.)

3) The Road to Obando and Navotas – This week, I spent almost 7 hours on the road, and had a change of public transportation modes 21 times, just to be able to conduct two one-and-a-half-hour-long focus group discussions (FGD) with the staff and beneficiaries of Philippines Agency for Community and Family (PACAF). Initially, I even thought the FGDs would not push through. That’s ‘coz the first time I went to the PACAF Office on Monday afternoon, half of the staff who were supposed to participate in my study went home early! Hence, I ended up spending most of Monday afternoon on the road, and only about 20 minutes in the PACAF Office. Oh well.

I, of course, agreed to go back the next day for two separate sessions with the PACAF beneficiaries in Obando, and with the staff in Navotas. However, come Tuesday morning, I received a call from the executive director who was asking to postpone the scheduled FGDs to Wednesday (she could not make the rounds and accompany me that day due to a bad stomach. Well, how could I say no to her when I was the one asking her a favor in the first place? So yeah, I said, Wednesday it is.

And so, Wednesday came, with me half-expecting a call from PACAF telling me that the FGDs will be delayed once more due to some fortuitous circumstance. But no such call came. Breathing a sigh of relief, I met with the director (at 7-11 Monumento, no less), and then finally went to Panghulo, Obando, Bulacan for a session with the PACAF beneficiaries. The settlement—which is located by the river, and is just recovering from a massive fire that destroyed most of the residents’ houses and belongings—is vaguely reminiscent of Baseco, Tondo. The stories of the residents about the harsh realities of their everyday existence were heartbreaking, and reminded me once more of why I want to work with communities in the grassroots level. So yes, more than just providing answers to my FGD questions, the locals of Panghulo, Obando gave me something of essence to ponder and think about.

After our amazing P20.00 lunch (can you believe that?!) in one of the carinderias in Panghulo, we proceeded to the PACAF office in Navotas, which is actually the old house of the Pardo de Tavera clan, built more than 130 years ago. It is in one of the antique tables and under the intricately-carved wooden roof of the receiving room, that I conducted the FGD with the staff.

By mid-afternoon, I left Navotas, bringing with me new learnings that go beyond my thesis topic. Thus, I could truly say that at the end of the day, the long roads leading to Obando and Navotas were well worth the travel.

4) Winner Wednesday - After Navotas and Obando, the next stops for me were two “dinner dates.” The first one was with the Pathways Education Development Unit volunteers at Yellow Cab-Katipunan. Good pizza + good company = one heck of a good time! And of course, moments like those are the perfect excuse to bring out a never-before-used camera. Haha. Anyway, this was how the captured “moment” looks like:

Dinner with Pathways volunteers at Yellow Cab

At around 8pm, I was off to another dinner get-together, this time with the Batch 18 gang, at Recipes in Eastwood. The mini-reunion was in honor of batchmate Fr. Jun who left his beloved Dumagete for a couple of few weeks to take his comprehensive exams (which he, as expected, passed with flying colors!) in ADMU. As in any Batch 18 gathering, laughter (loud, loud laughter) and endless banter were part of the equation. Things got stirred up even more as the group moved to a bar (called Gweilos something) where VJ and Joey (my drinking mentors!) worked on getting all of us overly-acquainted with Jack Daniel's. The result? More loud laughter, more pitiless banter, and a little bit of jigging to the beat of some really cool 80’s music, ensued.=) Here’s proof of the fun:


The more sober part of the evening (Dinner at Recipes)


TSP ...JVP 18 Style: "Toma, Sigarilyo, Pulutan"


Fr. Jun's girls

Looks like the winning Wednesday streak is back!

5) Friday High – As part of its silver anniversary celebration, JVPFI held a fund raising concert entitled "Pinoy Tayo!" featuring Bamboo last Friday, March 4, at the ADMU High School Covered Courts. The show itself was rockin’, although I wish the (somewhat youngish) crowd was a bit larger. In any case, Bamboo Mañalac, the band’s lead vocalist, was his usual energetic self and rendered another livewire performance.


Bamboo and Ira doing their thing

Bamboo was really a gracious guest too, staying behind for photo opps (and “pahabol” autograph-signing) with the JVP peeps. Hence, he did not break any hearts, like some of the other band members did. Just ask May8.

For me, however, what made the evening special was the company of good friends, some of whom I haven’t seen for the longest time. That made having to stand all night, and with an empty stomach at that, worth my while.

Anyway, the show started late but ended up early (by rock concert standards). But of course, for some of us, the night was just beginning. At around 11:00 pm, Trina, Kangirl, Eiza, TQ, Maits, Gil, May8, Lester, Wing, Anj (with her Jan), and I headed over to a Libis joint for some soul-satisfying pasta. Then, still on a rockin’ mood, some of us spent the next 3 to 4 hours singing our hearts out at the next-door KTV. The perfect night cap, for a perfect week.

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As I write this, another week is about to begin. I’m crossing my fingers that it will be as fruitful and colorful as the week that was. But then again, might be that’s asking for too much.=)