dual*ities

tweak (v.) 1. To pinch, pluck, or twist sharply; 2. To adjust; fine-tune; 3. To make fun of; tease.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Quali to Quanti

Tweaking is not a word that I would normally use…not even after it had become such a “fashionable” term to throw around, thanks to the exposure it got through the movie You’ve Got Mail. But if I were to capture what I had been doing these past couple of days with one word, tweaking would be it. The object of my tweak-iness? My thesis data. (Big surprise there.)

The long and short of it is that my adviser, who I met with last Friday (after not having seen her for four months), urged me to incorporate quantitative methods of analysis into my research, which happens to be qualitative/phenomenological in nature. Apparently, on a recent dissertation defense, one PhD student’s qualitative study was not received so well by the members of her panel. My adviser, thus, hypothesized that the Philippines is not yet entirely ready for theory-building researches using the bottom-up approach. Which leaves me with no choice but to, well, tweak my voluminous qualitative data some more so that I could convert it into quantitative stuff that I could test for statistically. Which means that I would have to postpone finalizing my manuscript a few more weeks, instead of submitting it next week as originally planned. Arrgh!

To allow time for the adjustments, my adviser suggested that I target September 20 as my thesis defense date. But…but…that’s two more months from now! No can do for me. I mean, I do like my thesis topic. It is, after all, about the concept of helping—a subject that is close to my heart. But I’d really like it much better if I could go beyond just researching and writing about helping and get back to actually doing it.

Well, I told myself I'd defend by August. So by hook or by crook, I will defend by August, even if that means continuing on being sleep-deprived for the next 3 weeks or so. Not that I ever was not. Harhar.

Jeers and Leers

But that was not all the tweaking that I witnessed these past few days. Yesterday (Sunday), I attended my first UAAP game this season. It was ADMU vs. NU, at the Loyola Gym. It’s hardly a match that Ateneans would opt to go to (no offense to NU students and fans), but I decided to go anyway, if only to release all the thesis-related nervous energy building up inside me since Friday afternoon. After all, my mind can take only so much data-tweaking for one day. But when I got there, I almost immediately got sucked into the highly-charged atmosphere of the game. The brand of play was extremely physical, and hotter heads, more of often than not, prevailed, both on and off the court (later on, causing 2 players to get thrown off the game). Jeers and leers came in loads. Now that’s tweaking for you, in the worst sense of the word. Like Reg said, there was definitely a “weird” feeling to that particular game, which was reminiscent of the riotous UP vs. ADMU match last year where Larry Fonacier sustained his season-ending injury. Thankfully, nobody got injured this time (not in a critical manner anyway). But still, I didn’t appreciate the hot heads. Really uncalled for. I just wanted to say, “Chill guys, it’s just a game—one which our team is leading by 30 points, by the way!”

On the brighter side, ADMU did win by a large margin. And I’m not sure when I’m gonna witness such a big victory again this season. So yeah, that got me considerably cheered up, despite having to go back to more data tweaking for the rest of the day.:)

Up Close and Personal

Fast forward to this afternoon. So, in between my thesis tweaking, I agreed to meet up with D, a Pathways volunteer who asked to interview me for his English class project. The interview, he said, would revolve around my experiences as a volunteer, which is a topic I am most comfortable with. After all, I must have talked about that particular subject like 48 million times already. So, no sweat. I’m game.

And so the interview started just like any other. I was asked the usual questions: What made you pursue a life of volunteerism? What were the organizations that you volunteered for? What was your most memorable experience as a volunteer? And so on, and so forth.

And then, midway into the interview, D asked: Why didn’t you have a romantic relationship through all those years? Do you think that having a boyfriend is a hindrance to volunteerism? Followed by: Did anyone try courting you? What was your response? Mwahaha! That really cracked me up. Not that I was unwilling to answer the questions. They were actually “refreshing,” if you think about it. It’s just that they weren’t the usual questions that I get asked about when I’m talking about volunteerism. Hehehe. And then I realized…my, my, I’ve been tweaked! This is what I get for agreeing to be interviewed by someone who knows about my “singleness” thrust. Haha. And for that, I give D points for creativity and inquisitiveness.:) (And maybe, someday, when I have the time and inclination, I’ll remember to post my answers to his questions on this blog. Hehehe.)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I got home this afternoon just in time for PGMA’s State of the Nation Address. Nothing she said was really new to me. They were mostly motherhood statements. But then again, I expected that somehow. And yes, she seemed to have excited most of the congressmen and LGU officials with the “parliamentary/federal government” proposal, but at the end of the day, the real issues were not really addressed. I would love to tweak her statements and proposals, but right now, my mind is tired enough as it is. So I’ll just save that for another day. For now, I shall reserve my energies for something I have control over, such as my thesis.

My main bookshelf (top 2 1/2 levels)

The bookshelf behind my bed
(which also serves as my headboard)

Gosh, all this book counting business reminds me of books that were borrowed from me and never returned! I wonder if there is still a chance of retrieving any of them? *Sigh*

Other books on loan: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling, The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason, Pompeii by Robert Harris, The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom, Breaking the DaVinci Code by Darrell L. Bock, Angels and Demons by Dan Brown.

And those that haven’t been returned in 3 years or more (arrggh!!!): The Griffin and Sabine trilogy, The Tao of Pooh, The Woman Who Had Two Navels, A Little Princess, The Tattooed Map.

Last purchased book(s): Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling, Michaelangelo’s Notebook by Paul Christopher, Alamat ng Gubat by Bob Ong

Last re-read: Return to Sodom and Gomorrah by Charles Pellegrino; American Gods by Neil Gaiman

Five books for a deserted island: Arrgh, this is difficult…but okay, I’ll stick to five. Or maybe not.

1) The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
2) The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende
3) The Giver by Lois Lowry
4) Pompeii by Robert Harris
5) It's a toss up between Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling. Still can't decide which.

Book I'd thwack someone on the head with: Probably the Reader’s Digest Oxford Complete Wordfinder that’s sitting on my topmost shelf (thicker than Harry Potter Book 5.)

Book I'd like to burn: I really couldn’t think of any book I’d like to burn. Too "bonfire of the vanities," methinks.

Book that is overrated: Richard Bach’s books (with the exception of Jonathan Livingston Seagull)

Fun classics: Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery; Pride and Prejudice and Emma by Jane Austen; The Twelfth Night by Shakespeare.

Welcome, Neil!

He saw just how much Filipinos love and appreciate him. We’re even louder than the Brazilians, he says, what with our “terrifying enthusiasm” and all the “mad noises” we make when we are happy. Hahaha! I’m not quite sure if that’s good or bad, but I’m pretty sure that Filipinos made quite an impression on him. Enough for him to possibly consider portraying a Filipino character in one of his future stories.:)

Neil reading an except from Anansi Boys

He conquered. Oh yes, he conquered. Not just with the magical quality of his works, but also with the genuineness of his person. In the word of Anj’s Jan, he is such an affable person! He did, after all, stay for more than 8 hours straight, signing books and refusing to leave until everyone in the room was satisfied and happy. Gosh. If I weren’t already a “fan” going into this event, I would no doubt be a convert right there and then.

Neil answering questions from fans

That’s Neil Gaiman for you. Story-teller extraordinaire and all around Mr. Nice Guy.:)

And yes, after almost 15 hours of waiting, and 601 (or so) people that came before me...

My friends and I waiting for our turn

... I too, was also able to personally meet him...

My turn

...and got this as a souvenir:

I’m really, really glad my friends and I decided to wait, despite almost being convinced by the organizer to throw in the towel and just come back to see him either at Greenhills or Gateway. In the end, we got what we came for.

Just goes to prove that some things in life are just worth the wait.:)

If you want to make God laugh, make plans. That was what Rosing used to say. Well, those words have never rung truer for me than in the just-concluded month of June.

The thing is, when I started to work on my thesis in February, I seriously thought the last few months leading up to my defense would see me leading the life of a recluse. Not that it is what I actually want, but that was necessarily the sort of set-up that would facilitate the completion of my research work. And so, I was bent on having a semblance of that set-up, for the sake of advancing my scholarly life. You know what they say, life gets in the way of one’s studies (or work). Harhar.

And so, a few weeks ago, at the beginning of the new semester, I declared to some of my friends that I would start to really focus on nothing but my thesis. I told them that I would have to lessen my gimmicks, and altogether skip unplanned ones. So yes, unless a “night out” has not been planned earlier and not been factored into my schedule, I would not be able to attend it.

But then, life happened as I was planning other things. It the past few weeks, I have been out every other night watching movies, plays, and live band performances or simply having dinner dates with friends, some of whom I haven’t seen for a long time. To top it all off, my cousin Rona from the US stayed with us for almost 2 weeks, and I kinda had to play the gracious hostess to her. That usually translated to spending time just chatting with her and hanging out for hours on end on a daily basis. It was about time too, because the last time I bonded with her was when she was 7 years old and I was 14. Haha. (Yah, yah, I’m the “Ate” among my cousins.) I usually had to juggle my daily schedule to accommodate our tête-à-tête, but I didn’t really mind. It was truly fun getting to know her all over again. Unplanned, yes. Unexpected, check. But definitely not unwelcome. Anyway, she’s in UP Los Baños right now attending the two-month Tagalog On-Site Program for Fil-American students. So that would mean that I could go back to regular programming this week.:)

The funny thing is that, even with all these unplanned activities this past month of June, I’ve managed to stick by my thesis schedule thus far. In fact, I could say that I’ve had more progress with my research work in the past three weeks than on the months of April and May combined. So yeah, I swerved a little from the “nothing but my thesis” plan. But at the end of the day, I think I’m on the right track. All is as it should be. For now.

~*~*~*~*~*~

All is as it should be. I really wish I could say that for our nation as well. But alas, nothing is like it should be. All hell is breaking loose. Yet again.

Another presidential scandal. Another betrayal of public trust. Another step backward for our country. Another EDSA? God, I hope not.

You see, this is the saddest thing. I’ve been an active participant in the first two EDSAs (and yes, even on the third one, specifically during the “clean-up” operations on Labor Day 2001). And having invested time, effort and much of my physical and emotional energies out there in the streets (yup, even at age 10 during the first People Power revolution), I really do feel that “the powers that be owe” it to us—the people—to deliver on their promise of change for our nation. But like many, I’ve been let down time and again.

So, was this Gloriagate scandal really unexpected? Maybe. But then again, maybe not. But no matter what, this is definitely a most unwelcome news to our people.

It is bad enough that we have age-old socio-economic problems to contend with on a daily basis. But what makes everything worse is the moral defecation that pervades society, so utterly characterized by the underhanded actions of supposed “honorable” men and women in office. How could we expect to work on our real problems, like worsening poverty conditions or the declining state of education, when we are constantly hounded by problems that are created for us by our leadership?

We cannot go on like this forever. Something has to be done. But the big question is: WHAT? Resignation? Snap Elections? Impeachment? At this point, I really do not know. I, like many of our countrymen, am at loss right now. Five years ago, I would have thought that another “People Power” would seem like the perfect solution. (Remember that the nation has only known one EDSA Revolution at that time.) This time, however, I do not think that trooping to EDSA again would solve anything. And I guess I am not alone in this. Analysts claim that “Filipinos have grown tired of taking to the streets to sack their leaders only to discover time and again that their problems go beyond individual personalities” (Regis Reports, June 9). People power fatigue. That’s what they call it. And fatigued and disillusioned, we all are indeed.

The subject of corruption and deceit in government has been beaten to death. Many times, I feel like we’re just running around in circles, without getting any closer to finding real answers or resolutions to these problems. But as this book that I’m currently reading proposes, as circles get smaller and smaller, we’ll get to that little point of illumination at the center somehow. All I could say is that I truly, genuinely hope so. I know it will take a long painful while to reach that point. But I haven’t given up hope. For the sake of our country and our people.