dual*ities

Carrie Underwood might have convinced most of America that she’s the brightest star in American Idol this season. But to me (and I believe, to many others), Bo Bice IS the real deal. He may have been outvoted, but definitely not outclassed.

The thing is, Bo is not your usual idol-wannabe. He knows how to take risks, but at the same time remain true to who he is as an artist…a rock star through and through! Plus, he has an awesome stage presence that instantly engages his audience whenever he performs. His a cappella rendition of In A Dream a week ago is a shining example of what he is capable of. Moreover, he seems to be a genuine, down-to-earth person, but one who has experienced the world enough so as not to make the mistake of letting anyone just walk all over him. He is a class act indeed!

But America has decided. And it did not go for Bo. Oh well.

Throughout the course of the day, I've already heard all sorts of hypotheses on why Bo lost from different sources (i.e. friends, family, the Internet). But I think that ultimately, the deciding factor was that the original “Idol” songs this year (i.e. The Long, Long Road and Inside Your Heaven), which Bo had to sing for the final showdown, just weren’t all that good. The songs were just “blah,” and definitely not suited for him. It’s like, the composers just took a couple of cliché lines, threw them altogether, then put on some not-quite rock, not-quite country melody—and voila, they have a song! Or not. And what perplexed me even more about that final showdown was the fact that Bo was stuck singing those two crappy original songs, whereas Carrie got to choose a popular song (Guy Sebastian’s Angels Brought Me Here) for her last number. What was up with that? Anyway, I think that the better song selection for Carrie, in combination with the hint of vulnerability she displayed that evening, clinched the title for her. (I won’t even go into the various conspiracy theories pertaining to the selection of the winner. They are, after all, just specious rumors at this point.)

On the upside, at least Bo wouldn’t be forced to have Inside Your Heaven as his carrier single for his solo album. For that, I let out a sigh of relief. Hehehe.

But just for the record, even if the said song actually became his carrier single, I’d probably still buy his album anyway.:) As he has proven in the final showdown, he could make even an undistinguished song sound inspired. And I do believe that it's gonna take more than a couple of poorly-written pieces to stop Bo from rocking on!

If memory serves me right, I believe I’ve never missed even one JVP send-off mass (in the Manila Local Community) since I myself became a volunteer, uhm, 8 years ago. Things haven't really changed that much after all these years. During yesterday’s event, the same sending-off rituals were still practiced. The volunteer designated to talk on behalf of her batch still choked over her speech. Her mom likewise teared up as she delivered her own message on behalf of the parents, thus causing many others in the audience to cry along. After the mass, the volunteers’ parents, friends and loved ones still gathered for a simple “salu-salo” before finally sending off the new JVP batch to Sacred Heart Novitiate for their 10-day Orientation Seminar. The only difference was that this time around, the “salu-salo” was held in Cervini (whereas traditionally, it is usually held in the College Cafeteria), and that the bus arrived fashionably late, causing the volunteers and their well-wishers to wait for three hours in the sweltering heat!!! (Yes, their JVP year has really begun. Haha!)

Presenting...JVP Batch 26!!!



Hanging out with former ANI/Pathways volunteers,
who are now JVP volunteers as well.:)


Aside from a few minor departures from the usual practice, however, everything remained essentially the same. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to stay…after the mass, after the salu-salo, and way after the volunteers’ scheduled departure time has elapsed. I hung around until the volunteers and staff finally loaded the bus and made their way to Sacred Heart, no doubt singing the traditional JVP introductory song “Kantaloy” on the way. :)

I don’t know why I stayed. Or why I never miss this particular event every single year, in the first place. I guess I’ll never really get tired seeing the faces of the new batch of volunteers, still full of hope and youthful idealism. Perhaps, seeing them helps “older JVP folks” like me to guard ourselves against the characteristic cynicism and jadedness that besets many people of our generation. Or perhaps, seeing them just reminds us of the younger versions of ourselves and allows us to wax nostalgic about the year(s) when we exchanged our rose-tinted glasses for a more in-depth look of the stark reality around us.

In a way, I guess I look at this annual event (along with the mission mass), as my own personal renewal of my commitment to the path I’ve chosen to take in life. It is, in a very real sense, a reaffirmation of my own continuities. After all, my being JVP did not end with my year(s) of service as a volunteer.

And the journey continues…

Another week has come and gone, and I still a-floatin’ in limbo between the data coding and data analysis stages of my research. With all the unanticipated stuff that had cropped up this past week, I ended up devoting a total of only about 2 ½ days for my thesis work.

As per usual, I planned on working on my backlog over the weekend. But, well, I guess my “inner kaladkarin” prevailed. Haha. Hence, Friday and Saturday nights, I found myself out on impromptu bonding sessions with my Pathways and JVP ‘framilies’ respectively. Then Sunday afternoon, I ended up catching up on my reading (the non-academic kind, of course).

Nothing went as planned. And I do not regret it one bit.:)

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As much as I’d like to sit back and relax the next few days, however, reality says that I need to go back to my regularly scheduled programming ASAP. The month of June is fast approaching, which means I’m just counting weeks before crunch time.

Time. It is, indeed, living up to every cliché that has been said about it. It does fly fast. And it does entrap one into a challenging game of catch up. I myself have fallen into that trap countless of times.

Hopefully, in the coming days, I’d learn to fall right into pace with it again.

And I guess it doesn’t hurt either that I actually found a song that would remind me of such a bid. Here goes:

Time
by Chantal Kreviazuk

Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don’t go so fast
I’m missing the moments as they pass
Now I’ve looked in the mirror
And the world’s getting clearer
So wait for me this time.

I’m down, I’m down on my knees
I’m begging for all your sympathy
But you (I’m just an illusion)
You don’t seem to care (I wish that I could)
You humble people everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you).

Now I’ve looked in the mirror
And the world’s getting clearer
I’ll take what you give me
Please know that I’m learning
So wait for me this time.

I should’ve known better
I shouldn’t have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away.

Now, this is my time
And I’m going to make this moment mine
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)
I’ll take what you give me

Please know that I’m learning
I’ve looked in the mirror
My world’s getting clearer
So wait for me this time.

1. What is your theme song for the day? “Perfect World” by Indigo Girls

2. If you had a month to go anywhere and do anything, would you: a) go on a Mediterranean cruise, b) volunteer for the UN Commission on Refugees, or c) hang out with your favorite celebrity?

I’ve been on a cruise and I am not so much into celebrities. And I’m very much an advocate of volunteerism. So this is actually an easy choice for me. My answer is most definitely B!

3. Give a good reason for a person to be unfaithful to his/her spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend.

I really couldn’t think of one.

The question, however, got me thinking about a scenario wherein one party is a battered wife/husband/partner. Being in an abusive relationship could lead the said party to seek solace from another person, and then eventually develop feelings for the said person. A classic case of transference. Not that ‘infidelity’ is excusable in this situation...or in any situation for that matter. But I think I could understand why and how it could happen under those circumstances.

4. When your parents are old and senile, would you change their diapers? When you are old and senile, would you want your children to change your diapers?

I’d probably have to do this for my parents, especially since I am an only child. It’s the least I could do for them for putting up with all the crap I’ve been giving them all these years. Hehe.

IF I had children…then yes, maybe I’d let them change my diapers, but IF and ONLY IF they want too. (Hmm...too many ifs?)

5. If you met someone in prison who looks exactly like you, and by some strange contrivance, are given the chance to exchange places with that person for one day, would you do it? (there are no guarantees that your look-alike will return except her/his word for it and you can't get out of prison until he/she comes back)

It’s tempting to say yes, just for the experience. But after much thought, I believe I’d rather stay out of it. I value my freedom too much to take that risk. I mean, if ‘experience’ or ‘insight’ is all I’m after, I can always just look elsewhere…like in a UN refugee camp, perhaps?:)

6. What is the most exotic/unusual/disgusting-fear-factor-type food you have ever eaten?

Well, balut and durian are actually food stuff that have made an appearance in Fear Factor a couple of times. I’ve tried those, along with isaw (of course!), dinuguan, and frog legs, but I guess those wouldn’t be considered too unusual here in RP.

So I’d say that the ‘most exotic’ delicacy I’ve eaten would be kalderetang aso (dog). And I was only a kid back then!

7. Where's the farthest you've been from your home WITHIN your own country? How did you get there?

General Santos City in South Cotabato. I’ve been there several times, usually for work-related purposes. My first trip there was for an area visit when I was still part of the JVP staff. I got there by riding the bus from Davao. The last time I was there was for Pathways, to visit our new office in the area. I got there via a PAL fllight.

8. If you had to give up one of the following, which would you ABSOLUTELY NOT give up? a) eyesight b) hearing c) voice d) hands e) legs

A – Eyesight. This answer is largely influenced by my personal experience of how it is to be optically-challenged, so to speak. I was actually considered to be legally blind for most of my teen-age life. But that wasn’t really so much of a problem because I’ve been wearing contact lenses ever since I was 11 years old. When I was about 19, however, I had to undergo laser surgery for my eyes. My vision already reached the grade of 1,115 (left eye) /1,120 (right eye) by then. And beyond 1,200, laser surgery (at least, at that time) would not be 100% safe. So yes, I took a chance, and excitedly so, I might add.:)

The operation itself was painless. And normally, the post-operation stage should be too. However, because my grade was so high, the doctors had to make deep cuts in my cornea, resulting in wounds that took longer than usual to heal. Hence, my recovery period was especially more trying than those of the average patient’s. For at least 3 days, I literally couldn’t open my eyes because it was soooo unbelievably painful to do so! Imagine what it would be like if a knife scraped your eyes over and over. (Eeee!) That was how it felt like. But even when my eyes were closed, the 'scraped' and burning feeling wouldn't go away. The anesthesia eye drops I had did not help at all. I couldn’t sleep either because I was too conscious of the lingering pain. So basically, I just had to deal with it. I ate, took a bath, walked with my eyes closed!

I actually refer to those days as my “three days of darkness.” Usually, I mean it in the most literal sense and as some sort of a joke. (Back then, the term “three days of darkness” usually referred to the infamous “end of the world” scare.) I mean, I really did not see anything for 3 days, because my eyes were practically two open wounds! That was when I realized how much I valued my sense of sight. Without my eyesight, it was as if all my other senses just disappeared! Everything else takes so much effort to do or to understand. Hehe. I guess when one is placed in such a situation, the easiest thing to do is to just sit in a corner, and wait until everything gets better. In a sense, the “darkness” has the ability to disconnect you from the rest of the world and make you feel helpless. If you let it.

Come to think of it, in a weird sense, it was actually one of the coolest, most intense experiences I ever had as a teen-ager. Haha. Not that I’m a masochist or anything, but the ‘darkness’ did force me to dig deep into myself and reach into my innermost resources. And I found ways entertain myself too, like tuning in to an HBO movie feature and trying to re-create the scenes (or making up my own scenes) in my mind! Or trying to play the guitar without looking at the chords or the strings. It was a good way to practice, actually. Mwahaha. So yah, I guess losing one's eyesight (temporarily) has its, uhh, 'perks.' But let it be said that I never want to not be able to see the light of day again.:)

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Okay, so my answers turned out to be longer than I expected. Overshare! Harhar. I guess the survey really does make one think. Thanks Inabear! Your survey certainly lived up to its name.:)

I was supposed to start working on a training program with CORD this week. In fact, I’ve been looking forward to the said project for months now. First, it would give me a justifiable break from my thesis. (Harhar.) Second, I really could use a change of environment, since staying and working at home all day (and night) is really becoming a bit of a stretch for me. (Like I was telling my friends the other day, maybe my unease with the whole set-up isn’t brought about by the thesis work that I have to do per se, but by the idea of staying home, which I haven’t gotten used to yet.) Lastly, the said venture is work that I’d actually get paid for. And that definitely would be a first this year, since most of the work that I do with the organizations I am affiliated with are on a pro bono basis. Not that I’m abandoning my ideals of ‘championing the spirit of volunteerism’ and all that. All I’m saying that it would be nice to get compensated for your efforts once in a while.:)

So yah, as I was saying, I’ve been excited to take on this new project for the longest time. Until a week ago, that is. Why the change of sentiments? Well, mid-last week, I realized that I had underestimated the amount of time that should go into the coding of data for a qualitative research such as mine. Yup, after four months of living and breathing it, I’m still nowhere near being done with my thesis! And with the CORD project coming up, almost one whole month will have passed until I can get back to working on my thesis again, which will probably make me one ultra-harassed and haggard grad student the whole month of June! Hence, towards the end of last week, I was half-wishing to myself that the said project won’t push through, just so I could devote more time into tweaking my thesis data. Of course, I wasn’t really banking on that happening since I already made the commitment months ago.

Then Friday morning came…and with it, a text message from CORD saying that—yes, you guessed it right—the training program that I was supposed to handle got postponed! Boy, was I relieved. Talk about coincidence (i.e. me wishing it would get postponed, and then it did!). Or perhaps it’s just pure blind luck. But then again, maybe Somebody up there was listening and just giving me the leeway that I need (although not necessarily deserve) to finish my thesis.

Upon receiving that news, my mind latched on to two thoughts. I guess you could call them resolutions. The first one is that I really should make good use of the whole month of May and be as productive as I can so as not to put the ‘grace period’ that has been granted me to waste. The second one is that I should start saving more and spending less on r & r activities, since additional income won’t be coming in anytime soon.

Somehow, I suspect that the latter 'resolution', though more clear-cut, would be a lot more challenging to keep. Haha.

Good luck to me!:)

framily \fram”i*ly\ (n.): 1) friends who are like family; 2) the family one chooses for oneself.

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Saturday: 'Despedida' for the Kennedys

The past two days made for such an extraordinary *framily* weekend. I spent it with the circle of friends who, for all intents and purposes, have become more like family to me all these years.

Saturday, in particular, was especially a memorable day for me. It was the last day of Whel, her husband Shaun, and their little big bundle of joy, Ceira, in the Philippines. I played host to them the entire day, from the moment that their plane arrived from Bicol in the morning, to the time that they checked-in for their flight to Ireland in the late afternoon. In between those times, some of our closest friends came over to my place over lunch to spend some time with Whel and her beautiful family. That truly became the perfect opportunity for us to catch up with each other…and to pig out a bit (okay, a lot).:) Note to said friends: Sorry for tempting you away from your diet. Teehee.

The Framily (minus a few others)


Yaya Sisters

Everyone, of course, was happy to see Whel. The real star of the day, however, was lovely little Ceira, that 6-month old scene stealer that is Whel’s baby. We all just couldn’t take our eyes off her! She’s such a darling, what with her chubby cheeks (just like her mum’s) and pleasant disposition (just like her dad’s). I am not the least bit domesticated, but I wouldn’t mind becoming a nanny for a day for a baby as adorable as this one:


Little Ceira with Mummy Whel and Tita Za


Is it feeding time yet?

. And a new beginning is always a good thing. For The Kennedys, the best is yet to come.:)


So long, Kennedys!

Sunday: JVP-Manila Volunteers' Pre-Orsem

The *framily* thing extended over to Sunday, during the (second and last day of the) JVP Pre-Orsem of the 26th batch of volunteers from Manila. As per usual, the said occasion became the perfect excuse for us, the former volunteers, to get together and reminisce about our own JVP experiences (and then celebrate some more over dinner and a movie after the event...hehe). And so, although I did have to do a bit of work (i.e. documentation) for the day, I was just really glad to be with the larger JVP family again and to get to know the new volunteers and their families.

At one point during the seminar, I thought to myself: It’s been 8 years since I myself went through the pre-orsem! At that time, I thought it would only be a one-year thing. And so…why I am still here, involved in JVP’s affairs, after all these years?

And then, towards the end of the event, as the former and current volunteers, their families and friends gathered for the Holy Mass, that ‘ole sense of community crept its way back to me again. And yes, I was reminded of the answer to my own question (which, I guess, I knew all along)... It is with this group of people that I am most myself. It is here where I feel most at home.