dual*ities

If you want to make God laugh, make plans. That was what Rosing used to say. Well, those words have never rung truer for me than in the just-concluded month of June.

The thing is, when I started to work on my thesis in February, I seriously thought the last few months leading up to my defense would see me leading the life of a recluse. Not that it is what I actually want, but that was necessarily the sort of set-up that would facilitate the completion of my research work. And so, I was bent on having a semblance of that set-up, for the sake of advancing my scholarly life. You know what they say, life gets in the way of one’s studies (or work). Harhar.

And so, a few weeks ago, at the beginning of the new semester, I declared to some of my friends that I would start to really focus on nothing but my thesis. I told them that I would have to lessen my gimmicks, and altogether skip unplanned ones. So yes, unless a “night out” has not been planned earlier and not been factored into my schedule, I would not be able to attend it.

But then, life happened as I was planning other things. It the past few weeks, I have been out every other night watching movies, plays, and live band performances or simply having dinner dates with friends, some of whom I haven’t seen for a long time. To top it all off, my cousin Rona from the US stayed with us for almost 2 weeks, and I kinda had to play the gracious hostess to her. That usually translated to spending time just chatting with her and hanging out for hours on end on a daily basis. It was about time too, because the last time I bonded with her was when she was 7 years old and I was 14. Haha. (Yah, yah, I’m the “Ate” among my cousins.) I usually had to juggle my daily schedule to accommodate our tête-à-tête, but I didn’t really mind. It was truly fun getting to know her all over again. Unplanned, yes. Unexpected, check. But definitely not unwelcome. Anyway, she’s in UP Los Baños right now attending the two-month Tagalog On-Site Program for Fil-American students. So that would mean that I could go back to regular programming this week.:)

The funny thing is that, even with all these unplanned activities this past month of June, I’ve managed to stick by my thesis schedule thus far. In fact, I could say that I’ve had more progress with my research work in the past three weeks than on the months of April and May combined. So yeah, I swerved a little from the “nothing but my thesis” plan. But at the end of the day, I think I’m on the right track. All is as it should be. For now.

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All is as it should be. I really wish I could say that for our nation as well. But alas, nothing is like it should be. All hell is breaking loose. Yet again.

Another presidential scandal. Another betrayal of public trust. Another step backward for our country. Another EDSA? God, I hope not.

You see, this is the saddest thing. I’ve been an active participant in the first two EDSAs (and yes, even on the third one, specifically during the “clean-up” operations on Labor Day 2001). And having invested time, effort and much of my physical and emotional energies out there in the streets (yup, even at age 10 during the first People Power revolution), I really do feel that “the powers that be owe” it to us—the people—to deliver on their promise of change for our nation. But like many, I’ve been let down time and again.

So, was this Gloriagate scandal really unexpected? Maybe. But then again, maybe not. But no matter what, this is definitely a most unwelcome news to our people.

It is bad enough that we have age-old socio-economic problems to contend with on a daily basis. But what makes everything worse is the moral defecation that pervades society, so utterly characterized by the underhanded actions of supposed “honorable” men and women in office. How could we expect to work on our real problems, like worsening poverty conditions or the declining state of education, when we are constantly hounded by problems that are created for us by our leadership?

We cannot go on like this forever. Something has to be done. But the big question is: WHAT? Resignation? Snap Elections? Impeachment? At this point, I really do not know. I, like many of our countrymen, am at loss right now. Five years ago, I would have thought that another “People Power” would seem like the perfect solution. (Remember that the nation has only known one EDSA Revolution at that time.) This time, however, I do not think that trooping to EDSA again would solve anything. And I guess I am not alone in this. Analysts claim that “Filipinos have grown tired of taking to the streets to sack their leaders only to discover time and again that their problems go beyond individual personalities” (Regis Reports, June 9). People power fatigue. That’s what they call it. And fatigued and disillusioned, we all are indeed.

The subject of corruption and deceit in government has been beaten to death. Many times, I feel like we’re just running around in circles, without getting any closer to finding real answers or resolutions to these problems. But as this book that I’m currently reading proposes, as circles get smaller and smaller, we’ll get to that little point of illumination at the center somehow. All I could say is that I truly, genuinely hope so. I know it will take a long painful while to reach that point. But I haven’t given up hope. For the sake of our country and our people.